I accept him for who he is

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I accept that he is not changing. 

 

I accept that it is not up to him to change.


I accept that it is not up to me to change him. 


I accept that he can be whoever he wants to be.


I accept that I can free myself of who I want him to be. 


I accept that I can clear myself of any fears. 


I accept that everything is finally so crystal clear


I accept that it was only meant to be what it was.


I accept that I don’t need to have control over him.


I accept that I can only control myself.


I accept that it is what it is and peace is number 1 over anything else.

4 questions à se poser avant de devenir sérieux avec quelqu'un romantique

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 Le partenaire avec lequel nous choisissons d'être peut avoir un effet sur notre vie quotidienne: mentalement, physiquement et spirituellement. Souvent, nous pensons que nous rencontrons quelqu'un au hasard, puis soudainement, les choses se gâtent sans que nous ayons notre mot à dire sur la raison ou la façon dont cela s'est passé. Je suis un partisan convaincu de la vie intentionnelle, qui inclut aussi le romantisme.

Voici 4 questions que vous devez vous poser avant d'avoir une relation sérieuse avec quelqu'un:

 

1. Suis-je prêt?

Je ne veux pas dire prêt comme "j'ai tout fait ensemble" prêt. Je veux dire prêt du genre: «Suis-je capable de tout donner émotionnellement à quelqu'un sans le blesser ni le projeter délibérément?» C’est une question que beaucoup de gens ne se posent pas, mais c’est nécessaire. Nous sous-estimons le pouvoir de ce qu'une relation peut faire pour vous. Cela peut soit vous préparer à votre meilleure vie, soit être la raison pour laquelle vous vivez votre pire vie. Vous demander si vous êtes prêt vous permet d'être réaliste avec vous-même, de sorte que vous sachiez ce que vous pouvez gérer dans une relation et si vous êtes prêt à le faire.

2. Quelles sont mes intentions en entrant dans cela?

Que nous le réalisions ou non, nous avons tous des intentions lorsque nous commençons quelque chose. Cela peut être inconsciemment ou consciemment, mais nos intentions déterminent souvent comment nous allons agir ou nous comporter dans une relation. Par exemple, si vous ne vivez que du sexe dans une relation, vous pourriez passer le plus clair de votre temps à avoir des relations sexuelles, puis lorsque le rapport sexuel devient ennuyeux, vous vous ennuyez avec la personne ou vous vous battez avec elle parce que les fondements d'une relation étaient: jamais là pour commencer. Cela peut être appliqué à beaucoup d'autres choses que le sexe. Assurez-vous de vous demander quelles sont vos intentions dans une relation afin de bien comprendre ce que vous voulez en faire et ce que vous allez lui donner.

 

3. Ai-je grandi depuis ma dernière relation?

Il y a environ 6 ans, j'ai eu l'une des plus grandes épiphanies de ma vie. J'ai réalisé que j'étais le problème commun à toutes mes relations. J'avais eu trois relations à long terme et continuais à blâmer mes ex. Pour beaucoup de choses qui avaient mal tourné dans ma vie jusqu'à ce que je réalise que j'attirais le même homme, qui ressemblait à mon père, et que, jusqu'à ce que je me sépare de ce comportement inconscient, Je continuerais à souffrir. J'ai décidé d'être célibataire pour la première fois depuis des années et de me concentrer sur moi-même; ce n’était pas facile. J'ai passé du temps à apprendre à me connaître et à m'aimer moi-même afin de ne pas devoir continuer le cycle d'hommes entrant et sortant de ma vie, me laissant vide et me permettant de le rester parce que je ne savais pas comment me remplir. J’ai appris à être là pour moi-même afin que, si une autre relation ne fonctionnait pas, je n’aurais pas à prendre 10 pas en arrière avec une boîte de kleenex et un verre de vin à la main. Je pourrais faire un pas en arrière pour observer, puis trois pas en avant avec pardon, foi et espoir en l'avenir.

4. Suis-je capable de faire confiance? Honnêtement, c'est quelque chose sur lequel je travaille. Je viens d’une histoire d’hommes qui ont trompé leurs amies et leurs épouses et plus tard dans ma vie, mon «futur mari» m'a trompé. Cela m'a laissé sur mes gardes et avec l'incapacité de faire confiance aux hommes et de me faire confiance. Fais confiance aux hommes avec mon coeur et fais moi confiance pour ne pas devenir fou avec quelqu'un qui me fait mal. C’est un voyage continu sur lequel je vais continuer à travailler car la confiance est nécessaire dans chaque relation. Si nous ne faisons pas confiance aux gens, ils n’ont jamais vraiment notre cœur et comment pouvons-nous savoir de ne pas faire confiance aux autres si nous ne leur avons pas donné la chance de se faire confiance? Une fois que j'ai suffisamment confiance en moi pour savoir que tout ira bien, cela me permet de faire davantage confiance aux autres parce que les gens seront les gens. Il y a des gens dignes de confiance et indignes de confiance, ne les rassemblez pas simplement parce que quelqu'un vous a fait du

4 questions to ask yourself before you get romantically serious with someone.

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The partner that we choose to be with can have an effect on our daily lives: mentally, physically and spiritually. A lot of the times we think that we are just randomly going on a date with someone and then all of a sudden, things get serious without us having a say in why or how it happened.


I am a firm-believer in living  with intent, that includes romantically too.

Here are 4 questions that you must ask yourself before having a serious relationship with someone:

1. Am I ready?
I don’t mean ready like ‘I have everything together’ ready. I mean ready like, ‘Am I able to give my all, emotionally, to someone without purposefully hurting or projecting onto them?’ It’s a question that a lot of people don’t ask themselves but it is necessary. We underestimate the power of what a relationship can do for you. It can either set you up for your best life or be the reason why you are living your worst life. Asking yourself if you are ready allows you to be realistic with yourself so that you are aware of what you can handle in a relationship and if you are ready to handle it.


2. What are my intentions entering this?

Whether we realize it or not, we all have intentions when we start something. It might be subconsciously or consciously but our intentions often determine how we will act or behave in a relationship. For example, if you go into a relationship only wanting to have sex, you might spend most of your time having sex and then when the sex becomes boring, you are bored with the person or you fight with them because the fundamentals of a relationship were never there to begin with. This can be applied to a lot of things other than sex. Make sure that you ask yourself your intentions in a relationship so that you are clear on what you want from it and what you will give to it.


3. Have I grown since my last relationship?

About 6 years ago, I had one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. I realized that I was the common problem between all of my relationships. I had had three long-term relationships and continued to blame my exes for a lot that went wrong in my life until I realized that I was attracting the same man, who resembled my father, and that until I broke myself of this subconscious behaviour, I would continue to suffer. I decided to be single for the first time in years and focus on myself; it wasn’t easy. I spent time getting to know myself and loving myself so that I didn’t have to continue the cycle of men coming in-and-out of my life, leaving me empty and me allowing it to be that way because I didn’t know how to fill myself up. I learnt how to be there for myself so that, if another relationship didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have to take 10 steps back with a box of Kleenex and a glass of wine in my hand. I could take one step back to observe and then 3 steps forward with forgiveness, faith and hope for the future.


4. Am I able to trust?

Honestly, this is something that I am working on. I come from a history of men who cheated on their girlfriends and wives and later on in my life, my ‘husband-to-be’ cheated on me. It left me guarded and with the inability to trust men and trust myself. Trust men with my heart and trust myself to not go crazy on someone who hurts me. It’s a continuous journey and one that I will continue to work on because trust is necessary in every relationship. If we don’t trust people, they never really have our hearts and how can we know not to trust others if we haven’t given them a chance to be trusted in the first place? Once I trust myself enough to know that I will be okay regardless, it allows me to trust others more because people will be people. There are trustworthy and untrustworthy people, don’t lump them together just because someone did you wrong.

I have hope that you will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that you will find true love and respect. And, when you do, I hope that you treat her better than the way that you have treated me.


I have hope that you think highly enough of her to call her back. I have hope that you will respect her enough to be there for her, not when you want to be; but when she needs you to be.

I have hope that you will be kind enough to her to refrain from leaving her hanging, bothered or upset.

I have hope that you will find it in yourself to show up on time- not on the hour but at the point of consideration.

I have hope that your friends will get along with her and that they will not promote an un-necessary cycle of negativity that leads to her being confused and feeling unwanted.

I have hope that you will choose love over your Ego. I also have hope that you will tell her that you love her when you love her.

I have hope that you will treat her humanely because she, just like you, is human. She cries, she smiles and she remembers- just like you. When you will be upset, so shall she. When you are confused, so shall she be. And when you blame her, she too, shall blame herself.

That is why I have hope that you treat your future-love better than me. I have hope that both of us will be spared of this occurring again. I have hope because you, just like I, deserve love and respect.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

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I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He will be in the form of someone considerate. Someone who understands me. When he will be in my life, I will feel exactly how I feel now: full of joy and contention.

I will feel happy and not feel the need to conform because he will accept me the way that I accept myself. He will not demean me or fear communicating with me. Everything will come naturally. And, naturally we will live life. Not bound to papers that enforce commitment, but bound to the respect that is sincere for one another.

He will not allow anyone to mistreat me and be okay with it. Furthermore, he will not be the reason that I am ever hurt. We will have our issues, as we are people after all. However, when we do, we will come out stronger and full of victory that will be worn through our joy and love for one another.

I accept that I have not met this man because when I do, I will know. He will have no reason to continuously fight me or go out of his way to throw harmful words at me. He will have no reason to treat me any other way than human.

He will have no reason to leave me hanging, crying and he would be heartbroken at the thought that he could ever harm me. Because when he holds me in his arms, he will be reminded that he has done something good in his life. He will always find a way for me to want him in my life. 

4 things that I have accepted not being okay with as a woman.

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Although I do not 100% support the ‘Me too’ movement, I am a firm-believer in change. Change that was very much needed. Whether it affects your life or not, it is clear that women do not have the same privileges  as a man does because, in general, we get paid less, we are expected to look a certain way and our bodies never really belong to us. Our bodies are criticized, ogled over and stared at whether we like it or not.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love being a woman; however, we have to deal with some injustices that men do not have to. And, that can translate into our relationships.


Here are 4 things that I have learnt that I don’t have to be okay with, as a woman:


1. Being played games with.

I’m not sure where this idea developed that the man that plays games with us is the one that wants us the most. Because, in games, there is always a loser. The reason why healthy relationships do not start off with game-playing is because healthy relationships require both people to be equal. We all want to be included. So this idea of ‘If I really like someone, I don’t show them’ is something that destructs a relationship because you haven’t given the other person a chance before it has even started. Being in a relationship requires honesty, trust, vulnerability and love. None of those come from playing games with the other.


2. Being disappeared on.

This could fall into ‘the games’ section; however, I think it deserves it’s own paragraph. When I was younger, I thought it was okay for someone that I was seeing to come in &out of my life as they please. However, now I know better. When we allow people to come and go as they please, every time that they leave, they take a part of us with them which is not fair to us. Yes, unconditional love is beautiful but sometimes the best kind of love is saying no. No, I won’t let you talk to me like that. No, you cannot come and go as you please. And no, I don’t feel comfortable doing that. Ultimately, you are allowed to have boundaries in a relationship because boundaries mean that you are loving yourself and you are more able to love your partner when you have started with yourself. 


3. Staring at someone else (who is attractive)in front of my presence.

A glance and a stare are two different things. I used to date a guy who would blatantly stare at other women when I was talking to him and, it hurt my feelings. I was labeled as insecure, which hurt my feelings even more. It hurt my feelings because he wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying and he was going out of his way to make feel second. As women, we are expected to go with the flow and when we don’t, we are labeled all kinds of names- which is not fair. Obviously, I wasn’t expecting him to stop looking at other attractive women completely; however, being in a committed relationship requires presence. Now that I’m older, I expect respect. Respectful people listen and look at the other person when someone is talking to them because we all want to feel and be heard.


4. Dating many people at once.

I’ve never really been a dater. However, one thing that I know for sure is that I am only interested in giving people my time who know that my time is irreplaceable. We all have different approaches of dating and being in relationships but I see so many women being okay with the fact that the person they are seeing is seeing someone else too just so that they can have someone else’s company. Which leads to them losing themselves. They are willing to say anything to a potential romantic partner to have them stick around. The truth is that, when you settle, you only devalue yourself and it’s harder to get back up after everything is done and you know that you settled for a person or circumstance that wasn’t worth it, just so that you wouldn’t be alone. If you are running away from yourself, chances are that you need to face yourself. Take yourself out, get to know yourself and learn to love yourself. Because before you know it, you’ll regret not having done that and the relationship we have with ourselves is number 1.

3 reasons why you keep experiencing heartbreak

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Heartbreak sucks. And, it’s easy to get stuck in the monotony of life after each time it happens. However, getting stuck in this mode can set you back for life because the course of our romantic relationships can affect our mental and physical wellbeing.


If you have found yourself stuck after each heartbreak and not learning from each experience, this could be why:


1. You need to be single right now.

Iyanla Vanzant says, ‘If you can’t be with you, how can anyone be with you?’

Meaning, if you are not able to deal with yourself and all your problems, how can you expect someone else to? Unlike other people, if we don’t like ourselves, we can’t just leave. Time alone can empower you and help you grow, use it wisely!

2. You’re not connected.

Connection to The Higher Consciousness is important so that you understand the ability to surrender your pain, suffering and problems to the divine. Whether you call it God, Allah, The Universe, Jehovah or The Divine, knowing that there is something greater than you that wants the best for you helps you release and trust in the fact that you are being taken care of and then, you begin to understand that things like heartbreak happen for a reason.

3. You need boundaries.

I would love to walk around saying yes to everyone but it’s not possible. We are human and as much as there are kind and loving humans, there are humans who who are unkind and mean. If you do not have clear boundaries, people will walk all over you. Like my mom used to tell me growing up, ‘Every doormat says Welcome’. There is only so much that we can blame the person who has mis-treated us if we allowed them to do so in the first place.

10 inspiring quotes about love.

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It’s not easy but I think it’s important to us to choose love because love is the most powerful force in the world. And, by love, I don’t mean puppy love: I mean unconditional love, forgiving love, tough love and true love.


Here are 10 quotes to emphasize this:


1. ‘Now, more than ever, it is important to choose love. ’- Dr. Deepak’s Chopra

 

2. ‘Have enough courage to trust love one more time, always and forever.’-Maya Angelou


3. ‘Love takes of masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.’- James Baldwin


4. ‘The chance to live and be loved exists no matter where you are.’- Oprah Winfrey


5. ‘Fundamentally, love means to go beyond likes and dislike.’- Sadhguru


6. ‘Eventually, you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.’- Gary Zukhav


7. ‘Reason is powerless in the expression of love.’- Rumi


8. ‘Love liberates. It doesn’t just hold—that’s ego. Love liberates. It doesn’t bind. Love says, ‘I love you. I love you if you’re in China. I love you if you’re across town. I love you if you’re in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I’d like to have your arms around me. I’d like to hear your voice in my ear. But that’s not possible now, so I love you. Go.’ -Maya Angelou


9. ‘You can only give away what you have inside of you, become an instrument of love.’ Dr. Wayne Dyer


10. ‘Being deeply lovedby someone gives you strength, whilelovingsomeone deeply gives you courage." – Lao Tzu

Lo que aprendí al ver mi enamoramiento con otra mujer.

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Decepción. Trastornado. Humillación. Desesperación. Enfado. Confusión. Estas son las 6 emociones que seguían circulando por mi cuerpo cuando vi a la persona que estaba enamorada de ligar y amar a otra persona.


Verá, hasta ese momento, había recibido tantas señales de que ESTE y yo estábamos destinados a ser. Casi se sintió como una colaboración cósmica. Sentí que el Universo me enviaba señales: cuando nos reunimos hubo un intercambio de energía sincero y profundo, y algunos lectores psíquicos se habían referido (a quien yo creía) a este hombre como alguien con quien posiblemente podría tener un futuro. (Hay más detalles que elijo omitir para la privacidad de esta persona).

Entonces, cuando surgieron estas emociones, mi cuento de hadas se perdió. El futuro que había construido entre él y yo en mi cabeza, se hizo añicos. Mi alegría se convirtió en amargura, mi sonrisa se convirtió en desagrado, mi apertura se cerró, mi sinceridad se convirtió en duda y cuando sentí que el cuchillo atravesaba mi corazón, me sentí como un idiota por creer. Mi diálogo interno comenzó con la cantidad de mujeres con las que he oído que ha estado y me pregunté cómo pensé que sería diferente a la forma en que generalmente trata a las mujeres.

Pasé unos 20-30 minutos sintiéndome derrotado y luego me hice una simple pregunta: ¿quién es él para mí? Lo que me llevó a otra pregunta: ¿por qué tiene tanto poder sobre mí?

Las dos respuestas que mi intuición me dio fueron que él es un extraño y si pudiera darle a un extraño ese poder, tengo trabajo que hacer conmigo mismo. Podría pasarme la vida culpándolo o perdonándome a mí mismo, perdonarlo y seguir con mi vida.


No tengo que responder cómo solía hacerlo cuando era un niño; Puedo romper esa cadena y encarnar realmente lo que significa ser un adulto. Los adultos se elevan por encima; no se quedan revolcándose en sus emociones, culpando a la otra persona y manteniéndose en modo receptivo.


Esta situación también me devolvió a una pregunta que sigue llegando a mi cabeza: ¿soy suficiente? Primero respondí, 'SÍ' por enojo hacia él, pero seguí haciendo la misma pregunta y la respuesta se hizo más suave a medida que respondía. Aún sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Soy suficiente y siempre he sido suficiente!


Sentí una profunda aceptación de mí mismo y un conocimiento de que soy suficiente. Este conocimiento es algo que nadie puede quitarme de encima. Este conocimiento cuesta más que el dinero y no puede ser reemplazado por otra cosa que no sea verdaderamente encarnarlo y creerlo porque es verdad.

Él ha cumplido su propósito en mi vida y cuando lo veo o veo / escucho algo de su trabajo, estoy agradecido por el viaje que me llevó de regreso a algo que nadie puede quitarme.

What I learnt from seeing my crush with another woman.

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Disappointment. Upset. Humiliation. Despair. Anger. Confusion. These are the 6 emotions that kept circling through my body as I saw the person that I have a crush on flirt and love up with someone else.


You see, up until that point, I had received so many signs that THIS guy and I were meant to be. It almost felt like a cosmic collaboration. I felt like The Universe was sending me signs: when we met there was a deep and sincere energy exchange and a few psychic readers had all referenced (who I thought to be) this man as someone who I could possibly have a future with. (There are more details that I am choosing to leave out for this person’s privacy.)

So, as these emotions came up, my fairytale was lost. The future that I had built between him and I in my head, became shattered. My joy turned into bitterness, my smile turned into displeasure, my openness became closed off, my sincerity turned into doubt and as I felt the knife cut through my heart, I felt like an idiot for ever believing. My inner dialogue began of how many women I have heard that he has been with and I wondered how I thought that i would be any different to how he usually treats women.

I spent about 20-30 minutes feeling defeated and then I asked myself a simple question: Who is he to me? Which led me to another question: Why does he have so much power over me?


The two answers that my intuition gave me were that he is a stranger and if I could give a stranger that much power, I have work to do on myself. I could spend my life blaming him or forgive myself, forgive him and move on with my life.


I don’t have to respond how I used to when I was a kid; I can break that chain and truly embody what it means to be an adult. Adults rise above; they don’t stay wallowing in their emotions, blaming the other person and stay in responsive mode.


This situation also brought me back to a question that keeps finding its way into my head: Am I enough? I first replied, ‘YES’ out of anger towards him but kept asking the same question with the answer becoming more soft as I answered it. Still Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I am enough and have always been enough!


I had a feeling of deep acceptance of myself and a knowing that I am enough. This knowing is something that no one can take that away from me. This knowing costs more than money and is not able to be replaced by anything other than truly embodying and believing it because it is true.

He has served his purpose in my life and when I see him or see/hear some of his work, I am grateful for the journey that led me back to something that no one can take away from me.