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I’ve previously spent years and years looking for Mr. Right. The description of his physical features has changed over the years. When I was a teenager, he went from needing to look like Justin Timberlake, to Omarion and then to Colin Farrell.
Years went on and I let go of the physical appearances and looked more at their personality. I would pray for a man who was kind, considerate and respectful. Granted, life happened and after each heartbreak and break-up, I am less eager about having a list and more eager about what it feels like to be with someone- using my intuition.
I have been with the ‘good-looking guy’ who turned out to be verbally abusive and, I have been with the kind, respectful and considerate guy who I felt little-to-no love connection with. So, nowadays, I am solo.
I would’ve never guessed that I would be single after almost being married twice and a few long-term relationships. I would have never guessed that, at this point in my life, unless the person that romantically enters my life brings me something that is above anything that I can do for myself, I would take a pass.
When I was younger, I would get into relationships based off of fear. However, now that I am content with myself, I would rather be alone than be unhappy and here are the reasons why:
1. Not everyone is forever.
The first time that I got asked to get married, I was 20 years-old, living in New York. An Italian man, 13 years my senior, who I loved asked me to marry him and I didn’t want to marry him but I didn’t want to say no either. I had grown to love him and felt like he was family to me. So, I kept him on a string. Not realizing that he was placed in my life for a season; not a lifetime. As time played out, I learnt that he was placed into my life to learn many things and to give him love for the time that we had. I also learnt that, not everyone is in your life forever and it’s okay. No need to hang on, let them go.
2. Life is too short.
When you look at life by counting how many years most people have in their lifetime, it may not seem short. However, when you think of how quickly each year goes by, it goes by rapidly. When I met my ex of 5 years, he was going through a divorce, I was 21 and he was 34. You could say that I was naive but honestly, I never thought that loving someone could be so complicated because he didn’t want me to love him and he didn’t let me in. I was 26 when I ended our relationship and, to this day, I still have regret: I regret that I gave a man, who is older than I, my youth. It’s almost like he came to steal it and I let him. Those 5 years went by like 1 and all that I was left with was a broken heart and some life lessons. One of the biggest lessons is that life is too short to stay in something that you don’t want to. Because, before you know it, your 20s, 30s and 40s are gone and you’ll be left with regret.
3. I am the only one who has to live with my decisions.
I tried being in a relationship with someone to make other people happy, to give my mom her first grandchild and to seem like the one who could finally get a guy. Instead of being the one daughter with all the failed relationships. But, each time, I was proven that my life belongs to me. I can be told to get into a relationship for how it may seem and to provide something for the people around me but I am the only one who is able to live with the consequences of my actions. When I look at myself in the mirror, I need to be happy with my decisions and to be happy with who I have chosen to be with. Because looking at an unhappy and worn out reflection is not worth any relationship to me anymore.
4. Being alone can actually be great.
The older that I get, the happier that I am to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, being in a relationship is great but what’s better is loving yourself exactly the way that you are. Like Iyanla Vanzant says, ‘If you can’t be with you, how can anyone else be with you?’ It’s a beautiful thing to enjoy the company that you keep, especially when the company is your own. You being able to realize that everything else is just icing and you are the vanilla/chocolate cake that you have always desired. Letting go of any pressure and desperation to be with someone, just to avoid being alone.
5. There’s no rush.
Ladies like Charlize Theron, Sandra Bullock, Taraji P. Henson, Eva Longoria and other ladies finding love and having kids later in life have truly inspired me. They have shown me that there is no rush to fall into something just because I am almost 30 and, “at the age that I need to have babies”. There is so much time to make all those things happen and, if it’s meant to happen, it will happen. I don’t need to force it, be desperate for it or run after someone to make it happen. It will happen if/when it is time. If not in this lifetime; then the next. But, it has to be right.