love

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)

Image de Unsplash

Image de Unsplash

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)



Nous avons essayé et avons donné tout ce que nous pouvions, mais la seule chose qui nous a été révélée, c'est qu'être dans une relation amoureuse n'est pas pour nous.

Merci de m'avoir montré beaucoup de choses: comment aimer avec passion, ne jamais abandonner, être plus aimant, voir les choses sous un angle différent, et cette romance est bien vivante.

Vous ferez un bon partenaire pour quelqu'un. Cependant, je ne suis pas cette personne. Parce que si j’étais, ce ne serait pas si difficile d’être avec toi.

Il a été difficile de comprendre et de comprendre cette notion: comment je peux aimer si profondément quelqu'un que je crois être mon âme soeur, mais nous ne pouvons jamais nous confronter à l'essentiel. C'est pourquoi j'ai passé tant de temps à vous fâcher. Cependant, j'ai abandonné cette colère et vous ai ouvert mon cœur et ma vie en tant que cher ami que vous avez toujours été pour moi.

Que vous souhaitiez être mon ami ou non, c’est votre décision, mais sachez que je n’ai aucune animosité ni colère envers vous, je veux seulement que nous soyons en paix et que nous soyons meilleurs. Cela n’a pas fonctionné les uns avec les autres, alors faisons-le avec les autres. Cependant, vous avez besoin de mon soutien, je suis ici. En tant qu'ami, pas partenaire.

J'ai toujours beaucoup d'amour pour toi et je ne peux pas te reprocher d'être ce que tu es ou de ne pas pouvoir m'aimer de la manière dont je veux être aimé. Parce que le blâme est une perte de temps, d’émotions et d’énergie.

Je suis désolé d’être si énervé et amer à propos de qui vous êtes. Je ne veux pas vous changer ni que vous soyez quelqu'un d'autre que vous. Vous méritez un excellent partenaire qui vous aime tel que vous êtes et moi aussi.

Je t'aime,

Hali.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. A post break-up affirmation.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is in the form of someone who takes responsibility for his actions. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has grown enough, emotionally, to not blame me for what he is going through in his life. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has a positive approach to life. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has evolved from a boy into a man. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will remind me that everything I went through was for a reason. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will continue to motivate me and lift me up, as I will do for him. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He understands that sometimes love means being stronger, kind and more loving towards the people that he loves

Cher W,

Image de Unsplash 

Image de Unsplash 

Cher W,



Merci pour ce voyage que nous avons fait, ça a été coloré.



Avant toi, j'ai vu l'amour en noir et blanc. Maintenant, je le vois en couleur.



Vous m'avez appris à rester et à plonger dans l'océan d'amour et pour cela, je vous en suis reconnaissant à jamais.



Qui savait que je devais apprendre des choses sur l'amour? Et que ce soit toi qui m'apprends à rester quand mon ego me dit de partir.



En regardant en arrière, j’étais une fille et vous aimer a fait ressortir la femme en moi.



Merci d'avoir tenu le coup et je suis désolé de ne jamais l'avoir laissé. Je vois l'image plus grande maintenant.



La photo de vous, nos enfants, nos animaux et notre famille. Aussi heureux que nous pouvons être.



Merci pour ce voyage. C'est irremplaçable.

Votre sincèrement



4 things that I will never do again in a relationship.

We've all been there. Been in a relationship where we have woken up one day and wondered what happened and how we ended up there. 

 

Ended up being in a relationship with someone that we don't like and who doesn't like us. I am a firm-believer in learning from every situation and whether the fault was mine or someone else's, this is what I have learnt from the mistakes made in my past relationships:

 

1. Do not settle

Truth be told, none of my exes were people that I truly wanted to be with even though all of them are genuinely good people, I found myself settling for behaviour and characteristics that I didn't like because I just wanted to be in a relationship. The biggest problem with settling is that you never feel like your relationship is worth being with because deep-down you know and feel that you can do better. 

 

2. State truly what I want from the beginning. 

I have had my fair share of relationships where a lot of things were in the grey area. I didn't want a label, I didn't want to tell them that it hurt me when they didn't call me back or I was afraid of telling them that I wanted to be the only female in the picture. Because of my fear, I only ended up ending relationships way longer than they should've ended. While I appreciate the memories, it sometimes upsets me to think of how much time I wasted on something that wasn't working. 

 

3. Next time, I will believe my partner when they describe themselves to me.

In my past relationships, I would deny when a partner told me that they were a certain way. For example, if one of my exes told me that they were not over their ex, bad with time or don't want to be in a relationship, I will believe them. I formerly used  to think that if a man told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship, it was because he wasn't into me so I would try to be the best 'girlfriend' material so that they would have to love me- which was untrue. When someone says that they are not ready for a relationship, believe them, let them go and find someone who is ready to be in a relationship. It will make being in a relationship easier than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one to being with. 

 

4. Put up with games

Loosely phrasing a biblical quote, as you get older, it's time to put away childish things. Meaning that if I like someone, I will welcome them whole-heartedly into my life and if someone that I like doesn't call or text me back, I will move on. There are enough challenges in life to not need to have extra ones in your relationships that are based on immature behaviour.

'Failure is another steppingstone to greatness' Oprah Winfrey

7 reasons to love yourself.

I have a confession to make: loving myself has rarely come easily to me. So I made a list of reasons why I should love myself. I wanted share it because I think you should too:

1. Love yourself because there's no one else who has your smile.

2. Love yourself because there's no one else who has your laugh.

3. Love yourself because wishing to be someone else is a sentence of misery and exhaustion. Regardless of where you may go or what you do, you will be who you are for the rest of your life.

4. Love yourself because it isn't up to others to love you; it's a blessing when they do love you. When you love yourself, you allow yourself to let go of the expectation of others to do so.

5. Love yourself because you've been blessed with the skin you're in, so wear it comfortably.

6. Love yourself because while people come in and out of your life, you will always remain.

7. Love yourself because life becomes easier when you work with what you have.

Forgive him

Image by Getty Images

Image by Getty Images

Why do I want to forgive him?

 Because it is not healthy to hold onto anger. I want to forgive him because I am tired of questioning why he hasn't responded or put forward actions, instead of merely talking. I want to forgive him because I am tired of feeling rejected and he doesn't have as much power in my life as I have previously given him. 

I want to forgive him because he is not a bad person- merely human and, just like I, he has issues. I want to forgive him because it is the best way to move forward from this. I want to forgive him because I cannot force him to change, I cannot re-write the past and I don't want to. I learnt so much about life and loving, which is even more reason for me to forgive as I am grateful and pleased with the outcome.

I want to forgive him because my next chapter is too promising to be ruined by feelings of bitterness, worry and uncertainty. I want to forgive him because I am certain that I deserve a love that is not heavily burdened by insecurities; that reassures us when we are not sure. 

I want to forgive him because I cannot force the truth. It is not forced or jaded. I want to forgive him because he has served his purpose in my life, it may not have been how I wanted it but I am here. I am here to forgive because there is nothing more beneficial.

4 empowering things that I have learnt from dating

from Getty Images

from Getty Images

I've had a few long term relationships and dated in between them. But only since my last break-up have I been able to understand what I did wrong in them. 

After seeking professional help through therapists and mentors, I was shown why my relationships didn't do well. 

It has empowered me. And, whether you are female or male, I would like you to feel empowered too. Therefore, I would like to share what was revealed to me to you: 



1. Don't sleep with someone before 60 days. 

This may work for some people but it definitely didn't work me. I read Steve Harvey's 'Think like a man, act like a lady' and his rule can be applied to both men and women. He says that we should wait 90 days before having sex with the person that we are dating. I think everyone's time frame may be different; however, we all know that when you sleep with a prospective , it may cloud your judgement at a very critical time: the formative stage. I recommend keeping things simple and sex-free in the beginning of every relationship to find out if you really like someone. 

 

2. Don't make up excuses for someone that you are dating. 

 

There is a clear difference between an excuse and an explanation. If the person that you are dating's behaviour doesn't align with what you think is acceptable, give yourself permission to ask yourself what might happen down the road if that behaviour continues. For example, someone not replying to your texts or not calling when they say they will could be a symptom of a deeper problem and, as a result, probably might happen again. Don't excuse it in the beginning, hoping that they will see the light and change. See the person for who they are not who you want them to be. 

 

3. I don't need to convince someone to be with me. 

I recently made date arrangements with someone who I saw as a potential romantic partner; however, he flaked on our first date twice . I have learnt from my past that, if the other person is not willing to meet me halfway, I will find someone who will. Instead of me allowing him to potentially flake on  me again when I am emotionally and physically invested, I empowered myself by blocking and deleting his number as soon as he flaked the second time.Simply onto the next, nothing personal.

 

4. Love yourself first.

In the dating world, we become afraid to have preferences because I think that we fear not being loved. If you love yourself first, you don't need to fear not getting it back from someone you barely even really know or who isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve. One of my mentors, Iyanla Vanzant says, 'You alone are enough'. If you love yourself, you are able to depend on yourself more than you would someone else and don't really need to depend on others. It may sound isolating but it is very empowering to understand that you are enough for yourself and for someone else and you don't need to desperately cling onto people and relationships that aren't healthy for you to fill a void that you can fill for yourself.