4 Ways that we can heal from our generational past trauma.
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To me, life is about growth and healing. Our purpose here is to be used up when we die and sometimes that is messy. Often, we have this idea that things need to be easy and smooth; however, that is not true. It’s time for us to acknowledge that a lot of life is about accepting, healing and moving forward from the past. And, until we face this, we will continue to live in a survival state of being.
Whether you have read about it from a scientific, metaphysical, religious or cultural perspective- things are shifting energetically. And, unless we create healthy habits, what happened in the past could happen again. I believe that generationally with social media and technology, authenticity and the truth is being brought to light so that we can take action to progress moving forward. As the human race, we will not survive the way we have survived before, we need a different approach. One that is not only conscious but also devotion-orientated. Not only for us but for the generations coming after. I am grateful for the generations before who made us physically strong to protect our DNA by activating our survival mode. However, if we continue to live life this way, we will either suffer mentally or physically. There is evidence all around us that we need to elevate ourselves so that we can raise our consciousness.
It’s easy to say that we need to heal the past. But, what I have learnt is that most people don’t because they don’t know how or they are comfortable in toxicity. So, as I have healed and continue to heal past generational trauma, I am here to recommend some ways that might help you:
1. See things from a place of compassion. Sometimes when I think about history, I become mad and wonder why so many people continue the cycles of racism, narcissism, xenophobia and other toxic habits that the human race has practiced throughout history. And then I remember, these ways of life can be argued historically as a way to keep their own race from dying. I am not a historian but as someone whose family has been heavily affected by The Racist South African Apartheid, I know what it is like to be hated because of my race. The truth is that unless you live in the middle of nowhere, racism and classism affects you in some shape, form or manner. I was born into a South African family during Apartheid and sometimes I downplay how separation affected my family but then I remember the stories about how some of my family was segregated from one another because they were different races from one another.
That trauma I have subconsciously carried, whether I have been aware of it or not. It was only until recently when I realized that I had pent up anger towards European culture and felt derogatory towards African culture. Examples of this is when people have ignorantly asked me if I am mixed because I am light and have freckles, I would become angry because this history comes with a part of my identity that is heavy and involves hardship, killing and a part of life that I never wanted to admit. Another example of this is that I went to a British school and felt above my family who didn’t because people treat me differently when they hear my accent.
Honestly, it has been heavy to accept this and other ideas of my generational past; however, it is imperative. Until I was aware of my actions, I could not make the next step. Which, for me, was forgiving racist people and not being as affected when people make racist remarks at me or to other people. I am learning that some people, including myself, are not aware if they are being ignorant or racist. Speaking to people from a place of compassion is important, especially people who are unaware of their behaviour. I don’t always get it right but I am practicing it and perfect this one day.
2. Leave the material hamster race behind.
Whether we like to admit or not, we live in a fear-based society. An extension of this is how we have a tendency to hold on to materials, money and have a need to be tied to people and things as long as they help us advance our social status; even if it means staying in an unhealthy situation. I used to be a manager of a restaurant in TriBeCa, N.Y.C. and, I had to drink everyday to get through a shift. Although I loved my staff dearly, I disliked The Owner because he was a clear narcissist and abusive personality. Just like with everything else, I learnt many lessons from this situation. One of them being that I will never ever sacrifice my mental health and well-being for a job ever again.
You see, I ended up taking the job because I was a server at the restaurant beforehand and felt like I could fit the role of a leader at the establishment, so I applied for a promotion. This new title also came with benefits. Of which, The Owner had lied to me about when I started my new role. I took this as a sign to resign and find another job because he showed me that my well-being was not in his hands, it was in mine. It is up to every single one of us who are able to make these adjustments so that we elevate ourselves and others. It’s scary to leave our security blanket of a job or romantic situation that we know nothing good or healthy is coming from but in order to reach our full potential, we need to. Dreams do not flourish in fear; they thrive in circumstances of trust, by leaping forward and leaving what we don’t need behind.
3. Take responsibility for your life.
No family is perfect and they are not meant to be. I spent a lot of my early twenties blaming the fact that I went to a private British school for a lot of my problems. I felt like going to a school like that set me back from being my authentic self because I felt restricted and restrained a lot of the time. One day, I read a quote by The Dalai Lama, it implied that we don’t know the beginning of anger but we do know when it will stop and it is when we choose for it to not longer control our lives.
This enlightened me and it was the first step to understanding and recognizing that by blaming my past, I was only robbing myself of my present and future. You see, I had thought that if I continue the judgement against all those who mistreated me, it would help me- only to understand that it was hindering me.
Sometimes people will treat you in a nasty and unjust way but if you continue to blame them, it is having an effect on you (still).
Acknowledgement and blame are two different things, the first comes from a place of wanting the past to change and the latter accepts that everything is exactly how it is meant to be. You can still take responsibility for your life, not be happy with your past and use what you have seen or what has been done to you as a reason to grow and become healthier than what you are leaving behind you.
4. Let your guard down.
I come from a family of strong women and tend to surround myself with these type of females because it inspires me and helps me grow. What I recently noticed about being a tough woman is that I have difficulty trusting men. I’m not sure when I created a false mantra that men were intimidated by strong women when I know many men who love and adore women who can challenge them.
When we stereotype and group people together, it only hinders us because it colours our lens and allows people into our lives that we wouldn’t necessarily have done if we had chosen a different belief instead. After my last relationship, I chose to believe that there are all kinds of men and the ones that I choose to have in my life are those who appreciate strong women, who compliment my strength; instead of trying to dumb me down or block my shine. I also learnt that trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship and if I go into one thinking that I am alone, I will be alone. Healthy relationships make space for one another to be both separate and together at different phases and times.