I’ve been avoiding dealing with this because quarantine has been emotionally and physically draining and there is only so much stress that I can take. Yes, people have been asking me what I think of my well-known Ex having a baby and me having to see it posted all over the place. And, at first, I had nothing to say. However, now that I have processed it, I can write/speak on it.

I don’t believe in regrets. However, this is what I would’ve told myself before I found out the news of my Ex having a baby with someone else, right after our break-up:

1. You will never be ready for this news.

On the Monday that his new baby came into The World it was a week or two into quarantine and a friend texted me about it. And, my reaction was, what lie has he made up to get my attention now?Pessimistic, I know but that sums up our relationship: I got used to him making up an attention-seeking story so that I would talk to him again.

After she texted me, I was upset. However, I noticed that I was more angered with her for not being courteous and respectful in her text than him having a child. I thought that if he had a child, good for him and I chose to be at peace about it. My reaction affirmed that us not being together was the best decision for everyone and I stand by it.

2. You don’t have to care.

After a month going by of people asking me if my Ex had really had a child like they had read in the tabloids, I thought to myself, maybe I should actually find out? I thought intensely about what that meant and remembered how when we were friends after our break-up, he would try to manipulate me into being with him again. As the memories came back, I chose to separate myself from him and what we had- for my sanity and health.

A little voice creeped up inside of me that said, ‘You need to be happy for him!’ And then another voice rebutted that with, ‘You don’t have to do anything especially if it is insincere.’ So I released my need to seem polite, kind or do the right thing because I don’t have to care. I chose to not have my Ex in my life and I can redefine what that means for overall peace and well-being without being pressured into doing what is fake based on what people will think of me.

3. Not caring doesn’t mean that you are ill-wishing.

After deciding not to care about my Ex and his news, I felt some guilt and shame about not taking the ‘high road’. However, I had made a decision to stop faking things in my life at the beginning of the year and speak truth from a place of integrity.

I suddenly went from almost convincing myself to sending him a message about what a great father he was going to be, to asking myself if I could handle a conversation with him without going back to habits that I had let go of nine months prior. The answer was no. I couldn’t text him and be sure that I wouldn’t be manipulated into a situation with him that I didn’t want to be in. In my thirty one years on this planet, I have learnt many things. One of the biggest lessons is that only I can break habits and life is made up of choices. I have to live with mine and if I reached out to him, it would be harder to live with myself than leaving the conscious space I have created between us.

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