Why do I want to forgive myself.

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 Why do I want to forgive myself?

Because holding grudges against myself is self-inflicted torture.


I want to forgive myself because now I know better than how I did before.


I want to forgive myself because forgiveness is true freedom.


I want to forgive myself because I fell into the trap of feeling less than and unworthy. I am out and I am grateful.


I want to forgive myself because even though I had to learn the lesson again, I have finally learnt that who a man is to the world and how much money he has, does not make him worthy of my love.


I want to forgive myself because freedom is a mental state. It is completely free; all that I have to do is change my mindset.


I want to forgive myself because my previous anger showed me what I needed heal and it might take a lifetime of healing.


I want to forgive myself because today is too precious to hold onto yesterday.


I want to forgive myself because only I can truly hold myself back from this present moment.

Qu'est-ce qu'il a fallu pour vous atteindre.

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Il m'a fallu me ramollir pour vous atteindre.




Il m'a fallu que je vous apprécie pour vous rencontrer.




Il a fallu un vrai pardon pour vous atteindre.




Il a fallu un respect fondamental pour vous avoir.




Il a fallu relâcher le contrôle pour vous atteindre.




Il a fallu vous laisser entrer pour vous rejoindre.




Il m'a fallu être en paix avec moi-même pour vous avoir.




Il m'a fallu baisser la garde pour vous atteindre.




Il m'a fallu pardonner mon passé pour vous atteindre.




Il m'a fallu entendre ce que vous avez à dire pour vous atteindre.




Il m'a fallu accepter l'amour pour vous atteindre.




Il m'a fallu croire pour te rejoindre.

What it took to get to you- part 2.

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 What it took to get to you.


It took me softening up to get to you.


It took me appreciating you to get to you.


It took true forgiveness to get to you.


It took fundamental respect to get you.


It took releasing control to get to you.


It took letting you in to get to you.


It took me being at peace with myself to get you.


It took me letting down my guard to get to you.


It took me forgiving my past to get to you.


It took me hearing what you have to say to get to you.


It took me accepting love to get to you.


It took me believing to get to you.

Why do I want to forgive you.

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 Why do I want to forgive you?

Because I can feel your pain.


I know that you are probably blaming yourself for what happened and it’s un-necessary.


I want to forgive you because you are not a bad person.


I want to forgive you because even though we love each other, we are not meant to be together.


I want to forgive you because I am done hating you. If I hate you, I only hate me and hate has been weighing heavy on my heart lately. 


I want to forgive you because I want you to find peace, freedom, happiness and joy- just as I have found it.


I want to forgive you because I know that you were only ever doing the best that you could.


I want to forgive you because I know that you are (still) only doing the best that you ever could.


I want to forgive you because I decided to leave force alone.


I want to forgive you because you are free to behave however you wish; my judgement and cynicism has come to an end as I move onto the next chapter of my life.


I want to forgive you because I have chosen to cut the chord between us. No more hate, no more fear. Only love.


Love for me and love for you, separately.

4 choses que j'ai apprises approche dai

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Je suis une personne qui donne à cent pour cent à tout ce que je fais et cela inclut l'amour. Donc, je n’ai jamais vraiment été un "Dater"; Seule une personne qui a investi temps et énergie dans ses relations, qu’elles aient duré un mois ou cinq ans, je crois qu’il faut tout donner pour éviter les regrets.




Malheureusement, la plupart des hommes avec qui je suis sorti n'ont pas la même mentalité et quand une personne qui donne à cent pour cent a une relation avec quelqu'un qui en donne cinquante, cela conduit souvent à un chagrin d'amour.


Bien que je crois que le chagrin est nécessaire pour apprendre une leçon, il est inutile d'apprendre encore et encore la même leçon. Quand une leçon est apprise, il est temps de passer à autre chose après.



Je crois qu'être dans une relation est un moyen pour vous de grandir au maximum. Qu'il s'agisse d'apprendre à accepter que nous ne pouvons pas changer les gens ou d'apprendre vos limites, les relations sont des opportunités de développement.




Voici 4 dictons que j'applique aux relations et aux rencontres pour aider le processus de croissance:




1. Pourquoi passer votre temps à forcer quand il est si bon de se sentir à l'aise?

Je suis une personnalité de type A. Ce qui a une connotation négative, mais cela signifie simplement que lorsque je veux quelque chose, je le cherche. J'ai passé de nombreuses années à appliquer cette mentalité aux relations pour découvrir que les personnes n'étaient pas des listes de contrôle. Je ne peux pas poursuivre quelqu'un et le forcer à m'aimer s'il ne s'intéresse pas à moi. Contrairement aux objectifs, les gens ont le choix s’ils veulent être avec vous ou non et je préférerais être avec quelqu'un qui veut être avec moi; comme opposer à chasser quelqu'un au début et tout au long de la relation. Poursuivre quelqu'un qui m'aime en dit plus long sur moi que sur eux, mais sur le fait que je ne me sens pas comme si je méritais quelqu'un que je n'ai pas à convaincre d'aimer parce que je me sens indigne. Donc, si je choisis d’être avec quelqu'un avec qui je n’ai pas à me battre, cela me rappelle que je suis digne d’amour.




2. Que la personne qui aime soit.

J'ai parcouru un long chemin avec ça. Auparavant, j'étais le genre de personne qui examinait ce qui manquait à mon partenaire et comment je pouvais réparer ce que je n'aimais pas chez eux. Cependant, j'ai appris et j'apprends encore que je ne suis pas celui qui peut imposer le changement à un autre. Je dois accepter et aimer la personne avec laquelle je suis ou ne pas être en relation avec elle. Il y a une différence entre encouragement et force. L'encouragement dit: "Voici un indice, prenez-le ou laissez-le." Force dit: "Voici un indice, prenez-le ou autre." Plus je vieillis, plus je perds d'énergie, forçant les gens à être ceux que je veux. être. Si Dieu les accepte comme ils sont, moi aussi.




3. Vous pouvez aimer après le chagrin.

L'année dernière, quelques médiums aléatoires m'ont dit que je finirais avec quelqu'un. Il m'a fallu du temps et un peu de chagrin pour comprendre que cette personne n'est pas celle avec laquelle je veux qu'elle soit dans une relation. Et ça va. Il est assez comme il est. J'ai dû mettre mes sentiments de côté et accepter le fait que nous ne sommes pas censés être ensemble, indépendamment de ce que certaines personnes auraient pu dire. Et, dès que j'ai fait cela, je me suis retrouvé dans une aventure romantique avec quelqu'un d'autre. Avec cette autre personne, j'obtiens exactement ce que j'ai toujours voulu et je sens que c'est la vraie chose. Donc, il y a définitivement l'amour après le chagrin.



 

4. L’amour ne te va pas toujours.

On m'a montré cela maintes et maintes fois dans ma vie. En tant que personne qui a failli se marier deux fois et qui a demandé une autre fois mais qui a refusé, je sais vraiment que l’amour ne va pas comme nous l’attendons. Il n'est pas nécessaire de placer des attentes sur l'amour et les gens. Parce que les attentes ne mèneront qu'à la déception et au chagrin d'amour. J'ai appris à gérer les choses pas à pas et au jour le jour, car une année peut être très différente de celle d'aujourd'hui.

The 4 sayings that I use to approach dating and relationships.

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I am a person who gives a hundred percent to everything that I do and, that includes love. So, I’ve never been much of a ‘Dater’; only someone who invested time and energy into relationships, whether they lasted a month or five years, I believe in giving everything to avoid regret.


Unfortunately, most of the men that I have dated have not had the same mentality and when a person who gives a hundred percent is in a relationship with someone who gives fifty, it often leads to heartbreak.


Although I believe that heartbreak is necessary to learn a lesson, there is no point in learning the same lesson over and over. When a lesson is learnt, it is time to move on afterwards.


I believe that being in a relationship is way for you to grow to your maximum. Whether it is learning to accept that we can’t change people or whether it’s learning your boundaries, relationships are opportunities to grow.


Here are 4 sayings that I apply to relationships and dating to help the growth process:


1. Why spend your time forcing when it can feel so good to be at ease?

I’m a Type A personality. Which, has a negative connotation but it just means that when I want something, I go after it. I spent many years applying this mentality to relationships only to discover that people are not checklists. I can’t go after someone and force them to like me if they aren’t interested in me. Unlike goals, people have a choice if they want to be with you or not and I would prefer to be with someone who wants to be with me; as oppose to chase down someone in the beginning and throughout the relationship. Chasing down someone to love me says more about me than it does about them, it says that I don’t feel like I deserve someone who I don’t have to convince to love because I feel unworthy. So, if I choose to be with someone that I don’t have to fight to be with, it reminds me that I am worthy of love.


2. Let the person that love be.

I’ve come a long way with this. I used to be the kind of person who would look at what my partner lacked and how I could fix what I didn’t like about them. However, I have learnt and am still learning that I am not the one who can enforce change on another. I have to accept and love the person that I am with or not be in a relationship with them. There is a difference between encouragement and force. Encouragement says, ‘Here is a hint, take it or leave it.’ Force says, ‘Here is a hint, take it or else.’ The older that I get, I lose more energy forcing people to be who I want them to be. If God accepts them the way that they are then so do I.


3. You can love after heartbreak.

Last year, I was told by a few random psychics that I would end up with someone. It took me some time and some heartbreak to realize that this person is not where I want him to be to be in a relationship with. And, it’s okay. He is enough as he is. I had to put my feelings aside and accept that we are not meant to be together regardless of what some people might have said. And, as soon as I did that, I found myself in a romantic endeavour with someone else. With this other person, I get exactly what I have always wanted and feel like this is the real thing. So, there is definitely love after heartbreak.


4. Love doesn’t always go your way.

I’ve been shown this over and over again in my life. As someone who almost got married twice and asked another time but declined, I truly know that love doesn’t go how we expect it. There is no need to place expectations on love and people. Because expectations will only lead to disappointment and heartache. I have learnt to take things step-by-step and day-by-day because a year can look very different from today, it is supposed to.

What it took to get to you.

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It took a lot to get to you.

 

It took us meeting to get to you.


It took us being friends to get to you.


It took us having genuine respect for each other to get you.


It took us messing up to get you.


It took us forgiving one another to get to you.


It took us being apart to get to you.


It took me dealing with jerks to get to you.


It took me being across the country to get to you.


It took me understanding you to get to you.


It took me releasing control to get to you.


It took me letting go over my life expectations to get to you.


It took me understanding myself to get to you.


It took me respecting myself to get to you.


It took me accepting you to get to you.

4 cosas que he aprendido sobre el amor.

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En mis casi treinta años de vida y la mitad de esa vida pasé saliendo o en una relación. No he aprendido todo, pero he aprendido mucho. Durante y después de cada relación, me he esforzado por aprender en qué pude haber trabajado o aprendido para no volver a hacerlo.


Esto es lo que he aprendido:


1. El amor no es suficiente.

Cuando era niña, veía películas que implicaban que una vez que las personas descubrieran el amor, sus vidas serían completas. Adopté esta mentalidad y aprendí en mis veinte años que vivir con esta mentalidad solo me decepcionaría. Un primer recuerdo de esto es cuando mi ex-prometido me llamaba palabras humillantes y me engañaba. Cuando me enfrentaba a él, él se disculpaba y pedía perdón porque decía que me amaba. Porque estaba en esa mentalidad, le creí; Sólo para verlo seguir comportándose así una y otra vez. Verás, necesitaba más que amor para mí; Él necesitaba tener respeto, compasión y amabilidad para mí también. Hasta que aprendiera a tener esos otros 3 factores, continuaría tratándome como siempre lo había hecho.



2. El amor es poderoso.

¿Alguna vez has amado a alguien tanto que solo verlo hace sonreír a tu corazón? Lo he hecho muchas veces porque el amor es poderoso. El amor puede alterar temporalmente tu salud mental y tener un impacto en cómo piensas, hablas y actúas. En mi opinión, no hay nada más poderoso que el amor.



3. El amor no puede ser reemplazado.

Honestamente creo que la razón por la que sufrimos en esta vida es porque pasamos nuestras vidas huyendo del amor, por miedo a ser vulnerables y lo reemplazamos con cosas innecesarias, como: dinero, posesiones, juegos y emociones. Hacemos esto porque queremos tener poder sobre el amor; tememos profundamente que el amor pueda tener poder sobre nosotros y nos haga sufrir aún más. He venido a aprender que el amor no debe ser reemplazado; pero, destinado a ser abrazado.



4. Abrazar el amor vale la pena.

Lo único de lo que realmente me he arrepentido es no decirle a alguien que amé que lo amo. En mi último año de bachillerato, me enamoré locamente de una de mis mejores amigas y me di cuenta de que él sentía lo mismo por mí. La gente pensaba que éramos pareja porque siempre estábamos juntos. Cada vez que pensaba en decirle mis sentimientos, temía que me rechazaran como antes y eso me impedía abrazar lo que realmente sentía y decirle cómo me sentía. Después de la preparatoria, tomamos caminos separados y él comenzó a salir con su (ahora) esposa. Sentí sincero arrepentimiento por lo sucedido. En última instancia, quería lo mejor para él, pero no pude evitar preguntarme si era lo mejor para él una vez que descubrí que se iba a casar hace unos años. Hice una promesa de decirle siempre a alguien que los amaba porque sentir arrepentimiento es peor que saber que esa persona sabe cómo te sientes acerca de ellos.

The 4 Things That I have learnt about love.

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In my almost thirty years of living and half of that lifetime spent dating or in a relationship .I haven’t learnt everything but I have learnt a lot. During and after every relationship, I have made an effort to learn what I could’ve worked on or learnt so that I don’t do it again.


Here is what I have learnt:


1. Love is not enough.

When I was a little girl, I would watch movies that implied that once people discovered love, their lives would be complete. I adopted this mentality and I learnt in my early twenties that living with this mindset would only disappoint me. An early memory of this is when my ex-fiancé would call me demeaning words and cheat on me. When I would confront him, he would apologize and beg for forgiveness because he claimed to love me. Because I was in that mindset, I believed him; only to see him continue to behave like that over and over. You see, he needed more than love for me; he needed to have respect, compassion and kindness for me too. Until he learnt to have those other 3 factors, he would continue to treat me the way he always had.


2. Love is powerful.

Have you ever loved someone so much that the very sight of them makes your heart smile? I have, many times because love is powerful. Love can temporarily alter your mental health and have an impact of how you think, speak and act. In my opinion, there is nothing more powerful than love.


3. Love cannot be replaced.

I honestly believe that the reason why we suffer in this life is because we spend our lives running away from love, for fear of being vulnerable and we replace it with un-necessary things, like: money, possessions, games and emotions. We do this because we want to have power over love; we deeply fear that love can have power over us and it makes us suffer even more. I’ve come to learn that love is not meant to be replaced; but, meant to be embraced.


4. Embracing love is worth it.

The only thing that I have ever really regretted is not telling someone that I loved that I love them. In my last year of High School, I fell madly-in-love with one of my best friends and I could tell that he felt the same way about me. People thought that we were a couple because we were always together. Whenever I thought about telling him my feelings, I became afraid that I would be rejected like I was before and it stopped me from embracing how I truly felt and telling him how I felt. After High School, we went our separate ways and he began dating his (now) wife. I felt sincere regret about what had happened. Ultimately, I wanted the best for him but I couldn’t help but question if I was the best for him once I found out that he was getting married a few years ago. I made a promise to always tell someone that I loved them because feeling regret is worse than knowing that that person knows how you feel about them.

Why do I want to forgive him?

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 Why do I want to forgive him?

Because what will holding onto him do for me? It didn't help me in the past. So how will it help me in the future?

I want to forgive him because I was actually the one who lied. I lied to myself about who he had shown me to be. He was himself, I believed the idea of him- not who he really is. I move forward with the truth, and the truth is that he didn't respect me.

I want to forgive him because my loving heart has no space to store all the hurt from the past. There is more to life than remembering what is wrong with everyone, especially someone that I want to do nothing more with.

I want to forgive him because no one is perfect and in this imperfect human body I am in no state to hold anything against anyone. I want to forgive him because I am not perfect- others have forgiven me too.