Everything looks better in hindsight and there is a quote by Steve Jobs that says, ‘ You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.’

We learn as we go and sometimes we mess up, sometimes we get it right and sometimes, we have to pause and reflect. It’s all a part of the process.

When I started this blog-style magazine, I promised to be honest and with that, I have taken heat and received deep healing that I thought I would never receive. There is something so spiritually healing about being humble enough to correct wrong-doings and face our past with love and kindness.

I have focused on how others have contributed to my childhood but this article is dedicated solely to me expressing where my behavior has stemmed from and what I have learned about myself while healing from my childhood.

If I could’ve been told 3 Things about this before my healing process, they would be:

1. You have a past too.

One of my mentors says, ‘show me someone who says that they are perfect and run the opposite direction.’ She is right. In this world of life, none of us are perfect. And I humbly admit that I am not an Angel. Especially my behavior when I was a teenager.

I was a troubled teen, who was angry at the world due to (what I believe) my parent’s going through a bitter divorce and instead of healing, I received no sympathy from anyone. I went to a strict British school and it was tough to go through what I did as a kid with most adults telling me to just suck it up and do better, when they themselves were not practicing what they preached.

But, this is about me taking accountability and I was hurt. So I had moments of inflicting hurt upon others, myself and anyone who paid me attention. My anger, immature behavior and flirting with all kinds of men were all signs that I needed.

I can look back and blame or apologize and move forward with my life. I am sorry to anyone that I hurt when I was an angry, lonely and a misunderstood teenager and early adult. It was only until I was twenty-three years-old that I understood self-reflection and growth. With my apology, I offer anyone that I hurt love, healing and well wishes.

2. ‘When we know better, we do better’- Maya Angelou.

Like I previously mentioned, I was an angry teen who definitely grew up too fast. I was burdened with adult problems from a young age via my Mother who complained about my Father to us- involving us into adult situations when we were too young to understand anything.

As a result, I would hang out with older people, especially males who would pay me attention. They helped fill a void that was an illusion of feeling heard when I was just being used. From flirting with my older neighbor to dating college guys when I was in High School, my screams for help became louder and louder. And only when I went to therapy and practice did I dissect all of it and release the guilt of being a naughty child. I didn’t know better so I didn’t do better. And now that I do, I will.

3.Forgive yourself, too.

The hardest person to forgive is ourselves because we are often our biggest critic. Especially once I became sober in 2012, I had memories of when I was a teenager and acting like a drunken mess, stoner and angry child.

I have had to remind myself so many times that there is nothing any of us can do about the past. I cannot rewrite how I have previously behaved or anyone else can. Although I feel remorse of how I might’ve hurt another, myself and been inappropriate or rude, I cannot let it rule my life.

God has blessed each of us with life and it’s not to hold one another (and ourselves) up to unrealistic expectations, it is to learn unconditional love. That we are all capable of good and evil. And, that there is true redemption in forgiveness. Self-forgiveness is a real healer, it can release the tons of guilt that has kept you in the same cycle, stopped you from being at your best or that has wanted you to no longer continue.

There is a future available for all of us, no matter what we have done.