I was on the phone the other night with a friend who found it unusual that I have made a decision to no longer speak about who I date. It may seem like an odd idea to have but it is one that has brought me immense inner peace.

Two years ago, when I began a relationship with a famous producer, I would talk about him and notice how people around me would change and then I had an epiphany that I had portrayed him in a certain light and therefore, they had developed a preconceived notion about him without his knowledge.

So, moving forward, I decided to not speak about men that I dated while I was dating them. And it is one that I will stick with. Here are the 3 reasons why:

1. It is none of anyone else’s business.

When I tell a lot of people this rule that I have. Then, more questions start to entice me to open up. Very few people can accept that my lips are sealed about who I date. It proves my initial point that they would rather hear about him than get to know him naturally.

When the time comes that they end up meeting him or getting to know him, I would love them to do so without any prior judgements of who I have perceived him to be. He deserves a chance to be known for who he is, not who I have told others he is.

2. There is a difference between someone that I date and someone that I marry.

I have dated many many guys and although have been asked to be married a few times, I have not done so because I value marriage and it’s sacredness of union. I think two divine people uniting for a higher purpose is a very beautiful thing.

With that being said, I have grown enough to no longer hype up someone that I date as though he is my husband. I look forward to getting married one day and when I do, I will let everyone know with glee and joy. But, until that day comes, I am done talking about men I date as though they are more than that.

I have a busy schedule and talking about a potential is a waste of time. As someone who values commitment, I used to thinking dating was one. But the older that I get, the more that I see how valuable the bondage of partnership that is more than dating is.

Gone are the days when I treat boyfriends like husbands. I am only interested in men who make sincere commitment to me and our future.

3. I don’t want just another, I want the one.

Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, one of the biggest mistakes that I made was that I treated boyfriends like husbands. If you do not want to get married, this is not for you! But, I do.

I had a lightbulb moment when a guy that I was dating (who lived in another state) implied that I move for him but he was not willing to do the same for me. Then suddenly, it dawned on me: I would move for my husband.

I had treated my boyfriends like husbands and planned a future with them when most of them were not ready or didn’t appreciate the commitment that I was willing to make. There are certain things that I will do for a husband that I will not do for boyfriend and it’s not because of a paper or what society says we should do.

To me, it is being shown that the person I am with, commits to me so much that they will take vows to uphold respect, love and structure. To me, there is nothing more devotional than this.

So, until that day comes, I will not prop up and gloat about the guys that I date. I will only do so for the person that I see a future with and they are on the same page as I am.