The first time that I understood the concept of forgiveness, I had just broken off a toxic relationship and stopped drinking. I had gotten to the point in my life that I needed to do some self-work and introspection. I was tired of blaming my life and my action on others and I chose to take ownership of my life.
I began with forgiveness and by apologizing to myself and others for things I had done. I wasn’t proud of some things I had done and ways I had behaved. I knew that I could do better.
You might ask what forgiveness has to do with me and why is this so focused on me? Because forgiveness was something I had to (and still have to) offer to myself and others.
Here are 3 of the biggest lessons that I have learned about forgiveness:
1. It has the power to heal.
I had spent a lot of my early twenties bottling up emotions and feelings. So much so, that when I would drink (sometimes), I would unleash inner anger. Even though I had been to therapy and done some work, I had never been brought to my knees enough for me to surrender to The Higher Power.
Until, I almost got arrested when I was extremely drunk and had just had a fight with my ex-boyfriend. In a miraculous way, The Divine saved me and I made a promise to heal.
One day, I was sat in a park by Hudson Street in New York City and I wrote a forgiveness letter to my ex-boyfriend. Although I had sunglasses on, I was shedding tears of freedom. I finally found peace in releasing any grudges that I had been holding onto in the past. I was healing years of anger, torment and victim hood.
2. It is powerful.
If someone had come to me when I was younger and told me that there is power in forgiveness, I would laugh in their face. I had always been taught that power is external, through fight and force.
Once I began to practice the power of forgiveness, I understood an internal power and inner strength that is rarely taught or understood. One that empowers each of us to let go of what we can’t control.
One of the most powerful things that any of us can do is be at peace. And, forgiveness offers this to us.
3. It allows for healthy relationships.
Many of us are taught that boundaries are being angry and holding onto the past. I used to think that if someone made a mistake in a relationship or misbehaved, I had to leave. Sometimes that is the case.
But, the shelf life for relationships where there is no room for mistakes, apologies and forgiveness, is very limited. When two people grow together or form a bond, there is bound to be hurt.
It’s after the hurt that determines character. Whether we are the one apologizing or not, forgiveness allows us to see that person as more than a mistake or someone who is hurtful; it can provide us with nuance about where they have come from and what they have to offer.