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In almost a month, I will be 30 and although I am proud of my life. I never imagined how that my life would turn out this way. My life has taken different turns, swivels, stops and halts . Along the journey, these are the 4 biggest and most important things that I have learnt:
1. I am the only who can validate myself.
I won’t lie, I love being in my twenties and I will miss it. However, my early twenties were difficult and challenging because I sought after validation from people and things. It took me trying to prove to other people that no matter how much I tried to prove myself, it wasn’t enough. The reason for this is because people have their lives to live. They are going about their day constantly looking through the lens of their own eyes, in search of what they need and want from life. So, how can I expect them to give to me what they might not be capable of knowing themselves? I’ve learnt and am still learning that other people may be able to compliment me; however, validation has to always come from myself. If it doesn’t, I will spend my life seeking other people’s approval and miss out on the empowerment and confidence that I can give to myself; something that no one else can give to me.
2. My life is exactly how it is meant to be.
I recently had a tough time accepting this. To cut a long story short, I was told that I would meet my soulmate by two different psychics (who randomly came into my life to tell me this). I was told and guessed that it was a well-known person who would frequent a yoga studio that I used to teach at; but came to realize that it wasn’t meant to be. My phases of mourning have included anger, upset, crying, fear, passion, stubbornness, judgment and rage because I didn’t get my fairytale. I learnt many lessons, one of them that my life is exactly how it is meant to be and living it, being present and aware of my surroundings is more important than chasing a dream or person that never was.
3. With or without someone or something beside me, I am enough.
This is an extension of what I learnt from the last paragraph. Another lesson that I learnt is that, with or without something or someone beside me, I am enough. When I was told that I would end up with this person, I started thinking about how magical my life could become. I selfishly thought about what I would get from the relationship: who I would meet and how it would help my career being with someone with him- this lasted a few days until one day, I stopped myself. I looked in the mirror and asked myself why I found it necessary to have these extra things when I am enough, right here/right now. No materials, no spouse and nothing in-between my eyes but me. I am and always will be enough, regardless of what is beside me. No materials or person can replace self-worth.
4. Love doesn’t mean force, it means support.
Love is a journey that is always evolving. This year, I fell in love with a man and we can not be together. In the beginning, it was hard to accept it but now I understand that love doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to be with him; it means that regardless of what he chosen for his life, I support him. I was afraid to admit that I loved him because if I did, I had to get his love back in return. What I know for sure is that love doesn’t always come back to us. If we receive love back from someone, great. But if we don’t, we don’t have to create suffering and pain because it didn’t go our way. Life is always working in our favour and one day, I will understand why it didn’t work out exactly how I had wanted it to. Until that day comes, I will trust God and send him love.