Two years ago I tattooed the words, ‘Be true’, in my sister’s handwriting on my forearm to remind me to stay true to my dreams, beliefs and authenticity. So that when I stray from these ideas, I make a choice to come back to these fundamentals. It has helped me immensely and when I get lost in some of the negativities that are promoted by the outside, I try my best to come back in- to my inner world. A world of acceptance, love and self-appreciation.

I haven’t always felt like this and I don’t always feel this way. Because the biggest lesson that I have learnt about this way of life is that it requires patience, understanding and persistence.

I have found comfort and honesty and integrity, here are 4 other reasons why I have decided to practice this way of life:

1. My life belongs to me.

I went to a British School for the majority of my life and although my family is partially British, we identify with being African. So, I went to school with mostly Caucasian girls and sometimes I would be the only girl of African decent in my class. I would forget this but then a teacher would make a nasty remark about African culture while looking at me or once, a peer of mine told me to start wearing deodorant so that I don’t smell like a ‘real black person’. The pain of these words is very real and sometimes I still remember them slicing my self-esteem like a knife cutting through a piece of fruit. But, then I remember what kind of people say silly and hurtful things like that: ignorant ones. And, ignorance is the easiest thing to forgive. My intention behind forgiving them is not to be passive about what happened to me; it is to release these mean-spirited actions and words from having control over my life.

2. If I don’t accept me, who will?

The kind of yoga that I teach and practice is in the heat and in front of mirrors. They are meant to reflect myself back to me when I am practicing. When I first started this type of yoga, it was so difficult to look at myself. I would avoid it at all costs. Until one day, a teacher said, ‘If you can’t look at you, how do expect others to?’ Yes, that quote was great and what I needed to hear but when I interchanged some of the words to create the new question, ‘If you can’t accept you, who will?’ , it helped me face myself. At the time, I was in a toxic relationship with an older guy who was not very kind towards me. Hearing these words dawned on me that I had allowed him to treat me that way because I hadn’t noticed myself. I had never truly been aware of the power that lied within me and acted like I had none. Alas, after I asked myself this question, the process of self-acceptance began.

3. It is not other people’s jobs to like you.

I used to work at one of the most famous restaurants in New York City. Literally every night, a celebrity, politician or someone “well-known” would come by and people would make a big deal about who was coming. The inner pessimist inside of me would roll her eyes while I put on a fake smile. At this restaurant, there was a manager who disliked me because I wouldn’t buy into this whole ‘some people are above others’ mentality. She would bully me and treat me in an awful manner. When I think back on it, I laugh because now I see so clearly what I learnt through that experience: it was never her job to like me anyways.Thank goodness that by the time I met her, I had enough self-confidence and respect to not let her bother me and do what I needed to do. Sure, being bullied at work by my manager was not ideal and if it were hazardous and extreme, I would’ve left. However, she helped me practice the skill set that no one (and I mean no one) can write my story and truly believe in my capabilities but me.

4. I am not a punching bag.

When I was younger, I bought into the idea that if someone does me wrong that I still have to be cordial and kind towards them. There is a big difference between forgiveness and allowing someone to keep hurting you, over and over again. Forgiveness and boundaries can go hand-in-hand. Forgiving someone does not mean that you should be best buddies with them after they have done something to you, it can mean accepting that a person won’t change and deciding to move forward with your life. As I have gotten older, I understand that I don’t need to smile at people who I have negative interactions with and I don’t have to put up with un-necessary behaviour from people who just want to use me to feel better about themselves or their existence in life. I am living life to accomplish great things and that means I will not allow myself to be walked over by anything or anyone.