When I moved to New York City, I was nineteen. Although the almost ten years that I lived there passed by so quickly, I learnt many valuable lessons. Most of them I learnt while I was waitressing tables on-and-off in the midst of receiving my tertiary education.

One of my first memories was working at a well-known café in the Lower East Side and I asked a famous actress what her daughter’s name is, only to be met with a nasty look and assumption that I should’ve known her name. I laughed it off but this taught me a lesson that people of a certain stature usually expect to be treated a certain way.

Here are four other things that I learnt while I was a waitress living in The Big Apple:

1. Sometimes the people that you connect with the most, you wouldn’t expect to.

I have made most of my adulthood friends from different restaurants that I have worked at, as well as romantic partners. To this day, one of my dearest friends is in his seventies and someone that I met at a restaurant that I worked at in S.O.H.O. I am so grateful for the experience of working at restaurants because it taught me that we are more alike than not. And, when we box ourselves into categories like race, income brackets and religious views, we only stop ourselves from accepting the highest form of love: love from anyone.

2. Respect is not about a bank account.

I used to work at a famous restaurant in TriBeCa, we would have a well-known person in almost everyday. To be honest, sometimes I dreaded going in to work because we were treated by some of our authority and clientele like garbage on the floor. Sometimes it would upset me and hurt my feelings but I am grateful because I learnt one of the best lessons ever, respecting others is not determined by how much money the other person has in their bank account. Until someone proves otherwise, they deserve my respect. It took me going through that experience to remember and truly understand that.

3. Happiness is not dependent on ‘who you are’ or how much money you have.

I saw firsthand some of the wealthiest people in America with the saddest faces that I have ever seen. We have been sold this idea that money can buy everything. Yes, money is a tool that can connect you to a higher purpose and accessibility but if the reason why you have it is to bring you something that you can get without money, you have lost the plot. Money is like energy, it can be negative or positive in your life but it depends on your mindset and your intention behind having it.

4. Not everyone has to like me.

When I was younger, I had this idea that everyone had to like me because if they didn’t, I had probably done something to them or wasn’t enough.This theory used to exhaust me and I allowed people to treat me with disrespect just so that they would stay in my life- making me feel better about myself. When a Manger or Customer treated me unkindly, I would take it personally and hold on to it for days and months. I thought that if I could control how they saw me, it would empower me; only to learn that it does the opposite. Ultimately, people treat me the way that they want to. All that I can do is be the best person that I am able to, show up, be kind and give my all. How people choose to treat me is their choice. My power lies in understanding that I can only control myself and freeing myself from other people’s expectations of me.