I spent a lot of my youth being at war with my body. I would spend hours and hours watching FashionTV, cutting out articles of skinny models and, as a result, I developed several eating disorders.

My obsession with ‘skinny’ started when people would tell me that I looked good after losing weight. So, I wanted to receive those kind of compliments all the time. I became obsessed with hearing people say, ‘Hali, you are so skinny!’

Alas, began my journey with doing whatever I had to to maintain a thin physique. Even if it cost me my peace. I would spend hours calculating calories, calculating how much weight I could lose ever week and, if I decided to binge eat, I would throw up my food- to avoid disrupting the amount of kilograms that I had to shed at that time.

At the height of my eating disorder, I weighed 50-52 kilograms(110 pounds), would weigh myself daily and was so faint that I passed out before a fashion show that I was modelling in.

It was torturous.

When I think back on these days, I get sad that we live in a culture that promotes such misery and unhappiness. I am extra grateful that I found solace in yoga, wellness and positivity.

Here are 3 reasons why I will never diet again:

1. My body is a gift.

When I think of how I used to treat my body, I cry. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking to be so caught up in a cycle that is toxic and is never-ending. Honestly, things shifted when I started an almost-daily yoga practice when I was 19 years-old. I made a deep connection with my mind and body. Through this connection, I released the need for my body to look a certain way because I understood (for the first time) how powerful my body is and the amazing things that it is doing. How my body looks is a byproduct of how I care for it. My body is the best gift that I will ever receive and I made a promise to treat it with care.

2. I choose peace.

When I decided to choose to love my body, I asked myself how I had gotten into the position that I had been in? One that seemed like no matter what I wore, how little I weighed or how little I ate, I was still so unhappy with my body. To this day, I am still not sure of the answer; however, I do know that living in the past will not help me. So, I made a decision to choose peace and, in doing so, I will stop looking for reasons to blame my former lack of self-esteem on anyone or anything else. Everyday, I choose to be at peace with my body, my life and the choices that I have made beforehand.

3. Health is the most important thing to me.

When I was 15, I contented in a fashion show and I lost because I was too underweight. The organizer told me that they didn’t want to represent an unhealthy image of what a model was. I was stunned that they would think that because (in my head) I was overweight and heavier than the other models. When I look back at the pictures of this day, I was at least 10-15 pounds skinnier than my competitors and I couldn’t even realize it. What was the point of all the dieting, fixating and obsession, if I was so unhealthy and had no idea how thin I actually was?

At that time, I had so little energy that even walking would give me heart palpitations. Sometimes, I would need help up the stairs of our house. I was clearly unhealthy. I thought about how long I could continue to feel unhealthy and as though I had almost no energy and I became tired of always being tired.

I chose to be healthy and, do so everyday. Through yoga, meditation and choosing habits that are progressive, I have not looked at my body in a negative light in almost ten years. So many people are wishing to have a healthy and functioning body; instead of focusing on my body’s negative aspects (which is usually a construct of the mind), I choose to focus on strength, positivity and love.