It was my thirty fourth birthday on February sixth and every birthday, I feel stronger and wiser. Something that I have recently learned is to stand firm in my convictions and moral compass. Which used to be a struggle for me.
During the lockdowns, I learned this lesson firmly that sometimes what you believe in may cause others to ridicule you, doubt you and judge you but, if you believe in something and yourself, sometimes you will stand alone in your belief.
I have gone through a few scenarios lately that have reminded me of who I am and that it is up to me to stand up for myself. Support is nice but I have to be the first person who sets boundaries for myself.
Here are 3 ways that I recently learned to stand up for myself:
1. Don’t continue a relationship with red flags.
I recently met a man who I was thrilled about getting to know. We had chemistry and things seemed like they were going well. Until, I expressed that I was going on a date as I was still single and he showed up to a place that he knew I would be at with another woman, on a date.
Whether this was a game or not, I am not sure of but it was a major red flag. I took a step back from the situation, evaluated it and then let him go. I expressed my honesty to him and set a boundary that I wouldn’t deal with situations like this again.
You might think that I was rushing to judgement about a guy and, that could be; however, I have dealt with enough player energy to know when someone is being sincere and when they aren’t. I don’t hate him and I wish him well. But moving forward, in my life, I am done forcing situations and people that don’t fit into a healthy way of being.
2. Staying away from negative people.
We have all gone through phases where we have surrounded ourself with one or a few negative people. In some cases, I have been the negative person.
When I was a negative person who was in a dark place in my life, a few people distanced themselves from me and I don’t blame them. It wasn’t up to them to be there for me when I was constantly whining and complaining.
People staying away from me when I was in a negative space taught me to change, grow, be more grateful and live in abundance. Something that I can only do for myself. It’s nice to have support but people do not have to blindly show loyalty to me no matter what.
The same goes for others. I have learned to distance myself from the person who is constantly complaining and in a negative space because there is only so much I can do for them. It is up to all of us to make the most of our lives and if someone doesn’t, I am not obliged to be around them.
3. Judgemental and condescending people.
When I left Los Angeles, I was very happy. I felt like I was leaving behind a lot of judgement and hypocritical woke culture.The majority of people that I met there would claim to be for a cause but live life the exact opposite.
Especially as a yoga teacher. Some of the most disturbing things I had seen there were by yoga teachers who would claim to be spiritually enlightened but turn out to practice the exact opposite of what they preached.
Recently, I posted a fake pregnancy picture on my Instagram (for April fool’s day). While it was meant as a joke, I received a DM from the former HR director of Hot8Yoga in Los Angeles. Who (when I worked there) would continuously gaslight me about experiences I had and bully me. I had some serious situations with certain students when I worked there that felt dangerous and when I would express this, she would speak to me in a condescending and rude tone.
So, the irony of her writing me was astounding. I told her that I did not accept her opinion of me and that she wouldn’t continue to bully me. We are entitled to an opinion but there are those people who are constantly judging others when they do not practice what they preach.
If I lived for judgemental people, I wouldn’t live at all because they will always have something negative to say about you and what you will do. I am open to critical feedback but not condescending people who need to find joy in their lives.