Written by Hali Tsotetsi
Image from Unsplash
Before I turned 30, I was terrified of getting older. I remember spending my 30th birthday on the verge of feeling depressed as though I had spent my 20s wasting it on something other people, petty drama and, places that I didn’t want to live or be in. I felt regretful.
After spending a few days with the feeling of regret, I decided to change around my perspective and focus on my health, positivity and, being present. As I approach the (almost) end of the 30s, I am glad that I changed my perspective because it has been a wonderful 6 years that have been filled with some of the most invaluable lessons I could have ever learned.
Here are 3 Things I wish I was told about my 30s:
1. Don’t let anyone rush you into anything.
I spent my 20s rushing. I rushed through my diploma education, I rushed through moving to a new city and being in some monumental relationships. All that haste forced me to slow down because rushing made me feel as though I had wasted my time on certain people and things.
Once I decided to be present, I began to take things in and see things through experience and not a checklist. Life is meant to be lived moment-to-moment; not by checking off boxes. Achievements are worthy of achieving if you acknowledge the journey and the process of acquiring them.
2. Not everyone gets to live to their 30s and more.
The older we get, we start to see that not everyone gets to live past a certain age. Losing my sister cemented this ideology for me. I had taken time and people for granted until she passed away. Her passing showed me to live everyday fully but responsibly.
I developed the idea of gratitude and appreciation for being alive. Today is someone’s last day alive, don’t waste it on minor issues or people who are not worthy.
3. What is delayed is not denied.
This quote is actually from a YouTuber that I follow. Her name is Fumi Desalu-Vold. I admire her willingness to start a family, business and career when she was ready (her late 30s) and, not when other people told her to.
Sometimes I get asked if I want kids and people get shocked when I say that I do. The truth is that the generations before us were not emotionally capable of raising healthy children. They clothed us, housed us but a lot of us have had to heal from trauma. Which doesn’t make us victims; however, we can pass on this trauma or heal it.
I postponed starting a family so that I could heal what was passed onto me and choose my future partner carefully. I delayed being a Mother (whether it is biologically or through adoption) until I feel emotionally and financially stable. And when it happens, I will be grateful that I waited because I will be patient, understanding, supportive with my future partner and children.