Written by Hali Tsotetsi.
Photography from Unsplash.
With the beautiful journey of life comes difficulty and dealing with challenging people. Some might say that you need to deal with those who bully you in order to become successful and a more learned you.
While I disagree with this statement, I do believe that there are things that we can learn from dealing with people who are inclined to treat people less than, berate them or try to make them feel less than, because they are in a position to do so.
Whether it is in our family, friends or work dynamics, we will all have to deal with bullying in one shape or another. It is how we deal with them that determines our inner character.
Here are 3 More things that I have learned about bullies:
1. They, themselves, are insecure.
We have all had moments where we felt insecure or less than. However, projecting that insecurity onto others or not is what makes the real difference. While a lot of us will internalize our insecurities; there are some people who will bully others as a way to make them feel superior.
While I wish that all of us would seek therapy, would look within and make healthy changes to our lives, that is wishful thinking. Sometimes we have to encounter people that are highly insecure and project it onto others by trying to come across better than.
This is a form of pain. One that is masked so deeply in the fabric of human society that we have accepted it as normal, when it is not. Like they say, ‘hurt purple hurt people’ and while bullies may seem mean and rude; they are in deep pain.
2. Their behavior has nothing to do with you.
Have you ever been berated by a toxic person of authority, talked down to by someone who is condescending or even scrutinized with a look by a stranger walking in the street and thought, ‘What did I do to deserve that’?
While you can spend your time running different thoughts through your mind about how you are deserving of negative treatment, I am here to tell you that someone’s negative unprovoked actions have nothing to do with you. If you are innocent and someone dumps their toxic load onto you, understand that bullying personalities often prey on those that they can.
You can be the sweetest and well-meaning person in The World and bullies will take that as a doorway to mistreatment. It has nothing to do with you or what you might have done with them to be bullied.
3. You are allowed to stand up for yourself.
I spent years allowing bullies to bully me because I believed that I wouldn’t go low to their behavior. However, this stance made me the victim. There is definitely something powerful about not reacting; however, there is also power in having boundaries and standing your ground.
Every situation is different and I’m not saying that you should run around telling everyone off. However, you are allowed to defend yourself, you don’t have to put up with disrespect and, you don’t have to be bullied to become a stronger person. Strength is a mindset and although we might have to deal with difficult people or ‘bullies’, we do not have to put up with it.
Find a healthy way of standing up for yourself without sacrificing your character and lowering your standards.