The partner that we choose to be with can have an effect on our daily lives: mentally, physically and spiritually. A lot of the times we think that we are just randomly going on a date with someone and then all of a sudden, things get serious without us having a say in why or how it happened.
I am a firm-believer in living with intent, that includes romantically too.
Here are 4 questions that you must ask yourself before having a serious relationship with someone:
1. Am I ready?
I don’t mean ready like ‘I have everything together’ ready. I mean ready like, ‘Am I able to give my all, emotionally, to someone without purposefully hurting or projecting onto them?’ It’s a question that a lot of people don’t ask themselves but it is necessary. We underestimate the power of what a relationship can do for you. It can either set you up for your best life or be the reason why you are living your worst life. Asking yourself if you are ready allows you to be realistic with yourself so that you are aware of what you can handle in a relationship and if you are ready to handle it.
2. What are my intentions entering this?
Whether we realize it or not, we all have intentions when we start something. It might be subconsciously or consciously but our intentions often determine how we will act or behave in a relationship. For example, if you go into a relationship only wanting to have sex, you might spend most of your time having sex and then when the sex becomes boring, you are bored with the person or you fight with them because the fundamentals of a relationship were never there to begin with. This can be applied to a lot of things other than sex. Make sure that you ask yourself your intentions in a relationship so that you are clear on what you want from it and what you will give to it.
3. Have I grown since my last relationship?
About 6 years ago, I had one of the biggest epiphanies of my life. I realized that I was the common problem between all of my relationships. I had had three long-term relationships and continued to blame my exes for a lot that went wrong in my life until I realized that I was attracting the same man, who resembled my father, and that until I broke myself of this subconscious behaviour, I would continue to suffer. I decided to be single for the first time in years and focus on myself; it wasn’t easy. I spent time getting to know myself and loving myself so that I didn’t have to continue the cycle of men coming in-and-out of my life, leaving me empty and me allowing it to be that way because I didn’t know how to fill myself up. I learnt how to be there for myself so that, if another relationship didn’t work out, I wouldn’t have to take 10 steps back with a box of Kleenex and a glass of wine in my hand. I could take one step back to observe and then 3 steps forward with forgiveness, faith and hope for the future.
4. Am I able to trust?
Honestly, this is something that I am working on. I come from a history of men who cheated on their girlfriends and wives and later on in my life, my ‘husband-to-be’ cheated on me. It left me guarded and with the inability to trust men and trust myself. Trust men with my heart and trust myself to not go crazy on someone who hurts me. It’s a continuous journey and one that I will continue to work on because trust is necessary in every relationship. If we don’t trust people, they never really have our hearts and how can we know not to trust others if we haven’t given them a chance to be trusted in the first place? Once I trust myself enough to know that I will be okay regardless, it allows me to trust others more because people will be people. There are trustworthy and untrustworthy people, don’t lump them together just because someone did you wrong.