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The word single used to terrify me. I would jump from relationship to relationship, avoiding dealing and being with myself. Only to find out that in order to enter a relationship, I need to have spent solid time with myself because before I am anybody else’s, I need to be mine.
So, if my partner comes along for the journey, I am open to it. However, if he doesn’t, I am happy and content being alone. This is why:
1. I’m done chasing love.
Chasing love or a person is a full-time job. In my last relationship, I started to see signs. I saw signs that he wasn’t mentally ready to be in a relationship and I chose to ignore the signs. I found myself texting and calling him, when I felt it wasn’t reciprocated. I chased down the idea of what we could be and, through that, I have learnt that if I have to chase them, it isn’t real. Like the Course in Miracles says, ‘Nothing real can be threatened’, and if I have to chase down a person or a partner to find out where they are, what they are doing or who they are with, then it is not meant to be.
2. Peace is power.
Peace is more powerful than happiness. I like to think about the beginning of a relationship as though you are letting someone into your peaceful house. How do they enter? Are they humble? Are they kind? Or, are they disrespectful and disregard your rules? If you let someone into your life and they are not peaceful, they are not worth having in your life because the beginning is when people show their ‘best selves’. So, imagine what else is waiting along the road if they are not respectful in the beginning? Protect yourself! Pay attention to how someone enters your life and don’t feel obliged to commit to someone just because they have entered. You can always ask them to leave!
3. I am done settling.
No disrespect to any of my exes but, truth be told, I have settled in every single relationship that I have had before. I settled because I was lonely, I settled because I wanted to fit in, I settled because I wanted to have kids and I settled because I am getting older. But I am done settling! After my last relationship, I made a promise to God that, either I have a relationship that is founded on respect, kindness and love with a man who brings me closer to God or I will be single for as long as it takes for us to find each other. And, I am a firm-believer in that. Settling doesn’t benefit my partner or me because both people in a relationship deserve better than to devalue their worth. We all deserve what we want in a relationship.