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Whenever I hear a song that I used to listen to when I was in a relationship, it takes me right back. And, sometimes the emotion overwhelms me. Often times, I find myself wanting to reach out knowing that it is not a good idea. So, instead of reaching out, I channeled all my energy into this article.
Putting my thoughts to paper and expecting nothing in return.
This is what I would tell all of my ex-boyfriends:
1. I love you.
Yes, I still love you. The love has and will always be there, it has just transformed. If we weren’t or were meant to be, is irrelevant to me because we had our time. Although relationships are not eternal; love is. I accept our space and will always have love for you.
2. No one won or lost.
I spent so much time being angry at you and wanting to have one up on you, only to figure out that I was losing. Whenever we aren’t at our prime, we are losing. Just because we have decided not to be together, doesn’t mean that one person won or lost, it just means that it was time.
3. I wish you the happiest life you could ever have.
I experienced an array of emotions with you: from sadness to happiness and joy to anger. But ultimately, I am grateful that I ever could.
The best part of me acknowledges the best part of you and the worst part of me sends the worst part of you love. You are light and love. And, I hope you are living in your light.
4. I am sorry.
I may be many things but perfect is not one of them. Looking back, I could’ve behaved better in many circumstances and now that I know better, I (hopefully) will do better. I’m sorry for being unkind, untrusting, mean and spiteful for the times that I was.
5. You are forgiven.
I swore that I would never say these words to you but forgiveness is more for me than it is for you. Like Nelson Mandela said, ‘Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die’. By not forgiving you, I was drinking the poison. I learnt that if I want to progress in life, I cannot keep reliving the past and blaming you. So, I forgive you.