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Disappointment. Upset. Humiliation. Despair. Anger. Confusion. These are the 6 emotions that kept circling through my body as I saw the person that I have a crush on flirt and love up with someone else.
You see, up until that point, I had received so many signs that THIS guy and I were meant to be. It almost felt like a cosmic collaboration. I felt like The Universe was sending me signs: when we met there was a deep and sincere energy exchange and a few psychic readers had all referenced (who I thought to be) this man as someone who I could possibly have a future with. (There are more details that I am choosing to leave out for this person’s privacy.)
So, as these emotions came up, my fairytale was lost. The future that I had built between him and I in my head, became shattered. My joy turned into bitterness, my smile turned into displeasure, my openness became closed off, my sincerity turned into doubt and as I felt the knife cut through my heart, I felt like an idiot for ever believing. My inner dialogue began of how many women I have heard that he has been with and I wondered how I thought that i would be any different to how he usually treats women.
I spent about 20-30 minutes feeling defeated and then I asked myself a simple question: Who is he to me? Which led me to another question: Why does he have so much power over me?
The two answers that my intuition gave me were that he is a stranger and if I could give a stranger that much power, I have work to do on myself. I could spend my life blaming him or forgive myself, forgive him and move on with my life.
I don’t have to respond how I used to when I was a kid; I can break that chain and truly embody what it means to be an adult. Adults rise above; they don’t stay wallowing in their emotions, blaming the other person and stay in responsive mode.
This situation also brought me back to a question that keeps finding its way into my head: Am I enough? I first replied, ‘YES’ out of anger towards him but kept asking the same question with the answer becoming more soft as I answered it. Still Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! I am enough and have always been enough!
I had a feeling of deep acceptance of myself and a knowing that I am enough. This knowing is something that no one can take that away from me. This knowing costs more than money and is not able to be replaced by anything other than truly embodying and believing it because it is true.
He has served his purpose in my life and when I see him or see/hear some of his work, I am grateful for the journey that led me back to something that no one can take away from me.