It is not anything new that I am single and happy to be so. Until the situation that makes me feel stable, secure, like the only one and as though I am growing and learning, I would rather be alone.

It is the first time that I have been single in my 30s (I turned 30 this year) and, there is a significant difference between dating in my 20s and 30s.

Here are the a few things that I have learnt these past few months of being single:

1. Whatever I align myself with is where I will head.

After my break-up at the beginning of The Summer, I decided to practice the most positive mindset that I have ever had while being single. Truthfully, I had enjoyed being single in my 20s when I had been; however, this time, I am so comfortable in my skin and truly understand that everything that is meant for me will find me. This time, I decided to let go of situations and people who would make me feel badly about the choices that I made and decided to surround myself with people who affirm my decisions; as oppose to question or negate them.

2. Just because someone is not a fit, doesn’t mean that they are a bad person.

I recently began talking to a guy who I felt like had been aligned for us to be together. I know what you’re thinking, ‘We’ve heard this before!’ However, this guy even had the same birthday as me. Things started off wonderfully and I felt a connection to him, we spoke and then I started to notice that I was giving our situation more energy and effort than he was. This time, I did things differently. Instead of creating anxious thoughts and resentment towards him in my head, I meditated on it and decided to send him love and let him go. In all of my experience, I have learnt that my anger towards anyone only leaves my with blocks in my life and with lack of abundance. For our overall well-being, I decided to let him go. I told him that there are no hard feelings, I just need people in my life who are consistent and it is up to me to create boundaries to ensure that this happens.

3. I want to thrive; not just survive.

I spent the first month newly-single and post break-up asking myself why I always feel like I am carrying the load in relationships. The answer was because I have always felt that to prove my worth, I need to work twice or three times as much as someone else. It could be linked to many things like daddy issues, being a woman of colour or just the lack of practicing self-respect. However, I am done with carrying more load than my partner. I choose a partner who brings equal respect, honesty, faithfulness, kindness, ambition and self-respect to the table so that we can thrive together.