Love is the most powerful energy in the world and when someone truly loves you, you can feel it. As I have mentioned in previous articles, we are entering a new paradigm of love where manipulation and control can no longer keep people around like it used to you in the past.

As we progress into real unconditional love, we are being forced to look at how we contribute to the conscious controlled and conditional love that many of us have become so accustomed to. The old way of loving someone is to make sure that they stick around for life, feeling like they owe us and manipulating them to never leave so that we don’t feel the pain through The Ego when someone leaves us, however they end up leaving anyway.

We are learning that phrases like, ‘Love is pain’, stemmed from pain that we create in our minds which leads to trauma and then needs healing- which can be very heavy and weighty. I believe in a lighter way of loving, a love that transcends physical and is open to the other person coming and going because I will love them anyway.

Here are 3 new and healthy ways to love:

1. From a distance

Not everyone is meant to be loved within close proximity. As a society, we have created this idea that if we love someone, they have to be close at most times otherwise the love dies. *The course of miracles says, ‘Nothing real can be threatened’. And, this is how I want to approach love. When we hold onto who we love, we suffocate them and give very little space for growth of ourselves, them and the relationship. Oxygen gives life and creates space which can be beneficial for a healthy relationship.

This can also apply to people or dynamics that have become toxic in our lives. I am a firm-believer in speaking up for yourself in a relationship; however, if someone is incapable of being in a healthy dynamic, it is okay to admit that and give the relationship space to evolve to whatever it needs to be. We have become so obsessed with needing things and people around us to feel safe. And sometimes, we lose sight of why they are around in the first place. Ask, yourself this question, do I feel tied to this person or situation out of need/guilt or because I genuinely respect and appreciate the dynamic that we have created?

2. From a healed perspective.

We are all healing and that, to me, is the purpose of life. Gone are the days when we looked down upon people who take care of themselves, approach life from a healthy mindset and make choices that are beneficial; instead of toxic.

Every one of us is healing emotional and physical trauma that occurs in our lives. As we shift our perspective from blame into responsibility, we are coming to understand that just because we take responsibility for something that has happened to us, it does not mean that we are to blame for it. Until we take the steps and action to healing, we can not fully heal because we will be stuck in the same pattern over and over; expecting a different result. Which is the definition of insanity. It is comforting to know that our health is in our hands. Blaming the past and people around us is stunting; however, acknowledging, accepting and taking action helps us move forward with integrity and support.

3. Acknowledging the difference between materials and love.

I thought that I understood this concept until I was in my last relationship. Where I was involved with a narcissistic and well-known personality. I blamed him for forcing his way into my life; however, I manifested him to begin with. Subconsciously I knew that he would teach me a lesson. And, many lessons I learnt. One of the biggest takeaways that I received from our dynamic is that manipulation and love are two different things. My former partner courted me with an album and songs in collaboration with my favourite artists, I thought that this was romance and looking back I now understand that it was manipulation. Romantic actions are a byproduct of genuine love and respect. If someone uses these gestures as a way to say sorry and excuse actions but never change, it is a form of mind control towards the other person.

I found out recently that in the duration of our relationship, he cheated on me and was giving his sidepieces gifts and I felt a stab in my heart. I am thankful for that rush of pain because it is a reminder that anyone can receive a romantic gesture but the intention behind it and actions around them speak louder than something material.