It’s been almost a year since my break-up with a well-known person. I was having a conversation with my friend recently about it and I was stunned at how time had flown. It was last year June that I decided to leave what I considered a toxic relationship and I have no regrets of entering, being in and leaving the partnership I had cultivated with this man.

Time has gone by and sometimes I will hear his songs, see him on a poster or someone will tell me news about him. Surprisingly, I am fond of most of the memories that we had. I can’t fully say that I am always pleased with him but I have no animosity towards him at all. It has taken this long for me to fully release any anger and it feels good.

I don’t have any regrets in life because I have learnt a ton from this experience.

This is more of what I wish I’d known a year after ending a relationship with a celebrity:

1. It’s not for the faint-hearted.

Even though some my family is well-known in South Africa for different things, I had never seen the difference between that and someone who is globally famous and in the music industry. Boy, was I in for a surprise! In the beginning of our relationship, I wasn’t interested in him and he pulled out all the stops. He found out who my favorite artists were and made songs about me as a gift to me. It was very sweet. I would hear the songs and think of how romantic it was- little did I know it was a game. Which, i would come to find out later.

Being pulled on an emotional string by someone who is famous can make you feel delirious sometimes because when you tell most people about it, they might not support you as a lot of our culture is celebrity-based. I noticed that when I would mention how I was treated to some people (who were) my friends, I would get pushback and gaslit because their response was based on their attachment to his persona and not who he was with me.

I had to find my own voice and be strong enough to differentiate what was honest and true about how I felt. Which required a lot of strength and self-reflection.

2. Most people will not understand what it feels like.

Right after our break-up, I went to a wedding and on the way there, I was thinking of how he had promised me to marry me and that he would get himself together so I should wait for him. I remember riding in a car and feeling a huge lump in my throat as I thought of how attached I had gotten to him and the idea of him. It hurt to say goodbye. And then I thought of what I would say to people when they asked why weren’t together anymore. I imagined myself telling them how he had done what most celebrities do with their loved ones: cheat on them and treat them like a fan as opposed to an equal. And, the thought made me want to crawl into a ball and not come out.

I didn’t do that. I went to the wedding and had a great time. I saw how much my friend loved her husband and saw how much the relationship I had had with him was nothing like the one that I wanted. I felt swayed into it and knew that the person I wanted to be with, I would know with strong conviction that it was them by their character and my feelings towards him.

I had to realize that other people might tell me who is meant for me or who isn’t but only I have to live with that person and choose them daily.

3. You might feel like a fool but sometimes love requires being a fool and entering with an open heart.

My Ex is a well-known playboy and that is what stopped me from dating him in the first place. I was raised in a traditional sense when it comes to marriage and relationships. I believe in a strong unity with only two people in it. I believe in tradition, simplicity and being at peace. So, I had my reservations about trusting him. He won me over because he does have great things about him. However, we are too different to make things work.

After I ended it, I made the mistake of telling some people who were not to be trusted with my vulnerability because they said things to me like, ‘What did you expect’ and, ‘You should’ve known better.’ I made a promise to not surround myself with people shun my learning experiences but support them and I also made a promise that I would always be open with love. As I get older, the harder it becomes but I believe in being open to possibilities because although we are not together, I got to love someone that I admired, I got to give someone my devotion and time and, I got to connect to another in a divine fashion. What a blessing!