If you had asked me ten years ago that I would have almost gotten married twice and been in a few other long-term relationships that I thought would’ve turned out great but didn’t, I would lose hope in the sanctity of unions between two adults. However, I have not.

Today, more than ever I am hopeful about my future and know that I will meet the person that I am meant to be with. Despite being called naïve, eternally optimistic and disillusioned; I have a strong feeling in my bones and my gut that my better days are ahead of me. All those experiences that I went through were for a reason and I am wiser and more at peace now.

Along the process of maturing, I have had to be honest with myself. Sometimes, painfully so, so that I could progress. Self-realization does not mean feeling guilty for the rest of my life about things that I could’ve done better. It means that now that I am aware of my habits and that I am a child of God, I can behave in alignment with that understanding.

Here are 9 uncomfortable truths that I had to face when I left the cycle of emotionally abusive relationships:

1. That I was addicted to being a victim.

2. That my power comes from acknowledging my own behavior and less someone else’s.

3. That I can have unconditional love for someone without them being in my life.

4. That someone who continuously hurts me has been given permission to, by me.

5. That relationships are a give and take. I shouldn’t give more and I shouldn’t get more.

6. That if I am not at peace with myself, how can I expect others to be at peace with me?

7. That admitting I am wrong doesn’t mean that I am weak. It means that I can be truthful.

8. That truth is love.

9. That boundaries and respect are the perfect foundation for a healthy relationship.