Although my recent relationship was with someone who is in the public light, I felt obligated to keep how I felt private. But, now it is time for me to reveal how I feel after having healed from a break up and moving the other side of the country away from the city that both of us were in.
As with all endings, they can be tough and this one definitely was. I had to walk away from the potential of a great relationship and face the fact that I didn’t have one with him and probably never would.
Here are 3 things that I wish I had known before the healing process of my last relationship:
1. Sometimes it’s going to suck.
When I was younger, I used to run away from my emotions and do anything I could to avoid them. But, the older that I get, the more I have learned to accept them and realize they are there to help me.
Sometimes it’s easier said than done when I read a headline that says he has moved on and I feel betrayed as though he should’ve fought for us and he didn’t. He never did. When I get emotional about feeling this way, I remember that it will pass and to face my emotions whether I want to admit them or not.
They will be there to help me heal so I need to embrace them to get to the other side.
2. You’re going to want to reach out but don’t.
I have had my moments when I have wanted to reach out to him and just say hi. See how he is and how is life is going but I don’t. Because when I have done that in the past, it confuses the other person and hinders the healing process.
So, for the first time, I decided to go ‘cold-turkey’ from him and I had my moments when it was hard not to reach out but I am glad that I didn’t.
Clarity is a compass that invites in new. There is no need for blurred lines when we move forward because that just confuses our intentions and what The Divine has in store for us.
3. You don’t have to hate him.
Out of all my past relationships, being with him was one of the most poignant times of my life. While I have many great things to say about him as a person; I also have my issues with how he handled me and what we had.
I have had my moments when I have been angry, regretted some of it and wanted to erase him from my memory. But then I remember what it feels like to have heart in my heart and that feeling is heavy.
Both can be true: I can acknowledge how he hurt me and also see the divine in him. Hate is heavy and I choose to live free of internal animosity. No one deserves my peace and my future, especially someone who is in my past.