3 More things I wish I had known when I started dating in my 30s.

Written by Hali Tsotetsi

Photo from Unsplash

I remember my 30th birthday so clearly, it was 7 years ago. I recall feeling old and that I had to settle down and get married as soon as possible. At this time (in my life), I was dating two men - one of them was unserious about our future and the other claimed to be serious.

While it didn’t work out with both of them, I can look back at this time in my life as very monumental. I learned from these experiences and try to learn from all of the men and situations that I have dated.

Here are 3 things that I wish I’d been told (or known) when I started dating in my 30s:

1. Don’t rush anything.

I have spent a lot of my dating life in my 30s very differently to when I was in my 20s. For the most part, when I was younger, I went from relationship-to-relationship. I felt like they could save me and I had to learn to stand alone, to become whole before entering a relationship.

So, these days, I take dating very slowly to see someone’s true character and if their life matches mine. I have grown into the thinking that, just because someone seems like they have the qualities I am looking for, doesn’t mean that they do or that we would be good together.

A real relationship takes time. There is no need to rush into it to appease other people’s standards or expectations from you. Compatibility is a non-negotiable.

2. Just because someone is a nice person, it doesn’t mean you should date them.

One of my recent last relationships solidified this notion for me. I was with a great man who exemplified many wonderful qualities. He was kind, listened and I felt acknowledged in our relationship but; he had a lot on his plate in his life.

After a year of us dating, I had to acknowledge that the relationship with this amazing human being was going nowhere. It was the classic tale of right person, wrong timing. I had to let him go. After letting him go, I found myself again. I had been losing myself forcing it to work out and it drained me.

You can think highly of someone and still acknowledge that it might not be the right time. You don’t have to hate someone to release them from your life.

3. Let things unfold naturally.

As I am currently single, when I meet someone, I find myself getting lost in the potential. I think about if I can see myself in the long-term because I believe in stability. I have to remind myself that things unfold naturally. Sometimes we are meant to feel the sparks with someone, flirt with them and remain open and vulnerable without expectation from that situation.

It’s okay to be vulnerable to a situation with potential and allow things to unfold until we are shown signs and behavior that allows us us to integrate into this person’s life or not.

Meeting someone doesn’t determine whether a stable future is possible with someone, allowing things to unfold does.