I remember the first time that I went to a Bikram Yoga class, it was called Traditional Hot because The Owner was being sued by Bikram Choudhury, it was a day that was a real milestone to me. Even though I had done yoga for many years, there was something very special about these 26 postures, the heat and breathing. I felt brand new afterwards. I felt baptized of my sins and I felt, for the first time in my life, that my potential was exponential.

As I continued to practice and become a teacher, I began to see the difference between the shadow side of the practice and many of the studios that upheld it. There is always a shadow side that occurs from the light and dark side. I experienced the worst kind of sexual harassment, I was told to keep quiet against basic injustices and, I had to dumb myself down to fit in a lot of times as if it wasn’t ‘according to them script, it wasn’t allowed’.

What would make you stay in this circumstance? You might ask and my answer in simple forms is that sometimes we run from one situation-to-another. How can you still practice Yoga after what you have been through? You can understandably ask, and another simple answer is that even though I didn’t always receive kindness; the lesson was often bigger than that.

Let me expand. Here are 3 reasons why I still practice Bikram Yoga:

1. There is good and evil everywhere.

We have these misconstrued notions that if we run from evil, it won’t find us. However, this is not correct. We also have created a societal lie that the more that are a part of a spiritual or religious group, we are immune to evil- this is definitely not the case. I would like to say that every Yogi I have met has been a genuinely good person but this is not the case. I would also like to say that every person who practices Yoga applies it’s philosophies to their own life. However, this is not the case. Some of the meanest, insincere and unkind people I have met have been in yoga communities.

Dealing with these people will not stop me from practicing or teaching. All that I can do is step up to them, create boundaries and let them go. It is not helping anyone to run away from a situation just because there are a few negative people or situations associated with it. Sometimes the best breakthrough is when we overcome thinking that these kind of people or situations have power over us and the only way to know is by encountering them.

2. I believe in nuance.

I used to think that if I practiced yoga all day long that I could avoid the real problems of life; however, this is not true. And, dealing with some unkind people in yoga circles has reminded me of that. Strength comes from digging deep within, applying a strong mindset and taking action. It doesn’t come from surrendering and bowing down to evil and negativity.

If I kept running from situations, I would forget the simple notion that growth comes from being able to differentiate what has led us to a specific situation and how we can get out of it. I would be lying if I had said that every studio that I taught for was supportive and sincere but behind that are many lessons for me to learn from: why was I drawn to abusive people? How can I break the cycle? How can I speak up for myself? How can I prevent this from happening again? And, so forth.

Sometimes the true healing comes from understanding nuance that all people are good and bad because it allows us to forgive and set boundaries moving forward.

3. It’s not up to Yoga to be my savior.

My real savior is within. I could tell you countless stories of emotional abuse that I have experienced teaching at different yoga studios but I don’t want sympathy. I had to go through them to heal my inner-child. I am not condoning any abuse but in my life, I had to learn that I was attracted to people who gaslit me and emotionally abused me because I grew up in an emotionally abusive household where I was challenged when i wanted to know the truth.

There is always a silver-lining to every situation and I have finally let go of the need to be under Matriarchal tyranny- an extension of my childhood. As I have freed myself of this, I am now able to hold people that I encounter and myself accountable. And once I do, I forgive them. Yoga is great and I am grateful to practice it. However, it is not designed to do the work for me. It is up to me to speak up against people and things I think are treating me unfairly (without anger and resentment) and through that, the real work happens