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Recently, I made a decision. I decided to let go of the hate that I had towards a DJ/Musician/Producer who would frequent a yoga studio that I taught at.
When he would come to the yoga studio, my hate showed up in arrogance and behaving like I am better than he is- which has become my protection and armor when I am hiding my true feelings.
Even though I knew it was unhealthy to have these hateful feelings towards him, I did so anyway because I was comfortable looking down on his behaviour and how he treated women. You see, I had previously been a fan of his music and was disheartened that he had a big platform on social media and in the public eye and would have almost-naked pictures of women and would promote the poor portrayal of women. That women are only good to look at and that you have to be sexy to be seen as a woman.
I am a feminist so human rights and equality is important to me, for everyone, not just women. I mention this because it seemed (to me) like the kind of message that he tries to spread through his platform was which disappointing to me as a fan, my disappointment led to hurt and my hurt led to anger.
I was so filled with anger that when I would see him, hear his music or his name, I would burn inside and feel extremely uncomfortable. Until one day, I was walking out of Trader Joe’s in Hollywood and I saw a huge billboard of him. I had a mental freak out. I felt like I had done everything to let go of this man and this man’s shadow was following me. I began crying because I realized that my thoughts and feelings were getting the better of me and it had to end. I decided to let go of the hate that I had developed over a few months.
And, here is why:
1. When we hate something, it expands.
Our thoughts are very powerful. Just like there is positive manifestation; there is negative manifestation too. What you focus on, expands. What I had been mentally practicing with him was that, if I hate him enough, he will leave my existence but that’s not how it works. The Universe wants us to be better people and wants us to release the hate. Until we decide to, we will be sent reasons why it’s time to release the hate until one day, we decide to.
2. Hate only stops the person who is hating.
During my hateful phase towards him, I would be having a wonderful day until his song would come up on the radio and then I would be filled with anger. Anger that someone so talented was such a hypocrite because in his songs and interviews, he spreads the message of love and equality but his actions showed otherwise. I looked on his Instagram page once (to judge him) and saw a clock that said that it was time to respect women and I went ballistic. I told all my friends that I thought it was disgusting that someone who portrays women like that, can tell others to respect women when he clearly doesn’t. All of this was only affecting me. Because every time that I spoke badly of him, that I ignored him and that I criticized his character, he was travelling the world, living his life and probably clueless that I had such animosity towards him. So, what was the point? When we hate someone or something, they might not have a clue about our true feelings. They go on living their lives; while we are stuck in the past and unforgiveness.
3. Hate only goes on for how long we want it to.
Sure, people can say and do things that hurt us, make us angry and can lead to us wanting to hate them. It’s a part of life. The Dalai Lama says, ‘The True Hero is the one who conquers his own anger and hate’, meaning that hate and anger are a part of our emotions; however, we only become better people by rising above. Rising above someone else’s actions, rising above hurtful comments and rising above misunderstandings. Overcoming your own negativities allows you to understand and appreciate yourself, as well as others.