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After years of being at war with my body, I am finally at peace with it. After years of calling myself fat, throwing up my food, starving myself and being on every fad-diet that you could think of, I am finally at peace with this marvelous machine that God has blessed me with.
It took a while to get here but I am here. And, these are the reasons why I don’t care if people call me fat anymore:
1. Someone’s opinion of me is just an opinion.
This can be applied to anything; however, it resonates deeply with me about my weight. Growing up, I was a dancer and model. Two careers that depended on my weight. People’s opinions about my weight was so important to me because whether I was able to progress or not, depended on how much I weighed. Unfortunately, when I was done with being a model and dancer, that mindset stayed with me and I gave people’s opinions about my body power. Today, I have learnt to accept that the only opinion that matters about my body is my own and other people’s words are a projection of their minds onto me.
2. My body is doing great things that someone else’s eye can’t see.
We judge each other so heavily on what we look like, not really acknowledging the power that our bodies hold internally. The external overpowers the internal. When I was bulimic, I was so obsessed with looking great from the outside that the internal didn’t matter, which is a shame! Because I risked my health just to look good. When someone comments about my weight, I think about the torture that I put my body through and refuse to do it again. If I am healthy and strong, it is more than enough for me.
3. Health is first.
In October 2015, I was diagnosed with severe anemia and I was told that I would need a blood transfusion if my iron levels didn’t increase within a month otherwise my life was at risk. I was put on prescription pills and told to eat meat after being vegan, on-and-off, for over a year. I was distraught because being vegan was so important to me but I was on the verge of death. I reintroduced small amounts of meat into my diet and, as a result, I gained a lot of weight. Even my neighbour made a point to let me know. In the beginning, it saddened me that I was still being defined by my looks as a woman. But, then I remembered that I almost died and my body’s weight gain was a reminder of my strength. I decided to wear my weight as a trophy and rid myself of the societal pressures that I had previously conformed to.
4. I am light and love; not fat.
Recently I found out that an extended family member of mine had seen a picture of me on social media and told some people that I had gained weight. It astounds me that we are still stuck on casting judgements on others based on their appearances, when there are so many other positive things that we can say about each other. I reminded myself that I am light and I am love. And, no label is going to pull me down into negativity. No matter what anyone else says about me, I will continue to believe in my greatness.