A word that I don’t throw around lightly is Narcissist. I feel like it is over-used while many do not know what the fundamental means. Although, I myself, have done lots of research about, I am still learning of many different types and how they show up in my life or in other people’s lives that I encounter.

And, for that reason, I don’t feel comfortable loosely labeling someone that I haven’t mer or see through a television screen as such. However, as a member of the spiritual and wellness community for almost a decade, I have met and encountered many Spiritual Narcissists.

Some have been former friends, a few that I have dated and some that I have taken their class and been caught under their manipulative and abusive wing. I must re-iterate as I always do when I speak about narcissists, all of us have narcissistic tendencies that are an extension of our Ego.

However, most narcissistic personalities want domination and control. They also lack fundamental respect and empathy for what someone else is going through.

It seems shocking that someone who is in the wellness industry would be a narcissist; however, I believe there are way more leaders that are than those who are humble and have genuine intentions behind what they do and why they have chosen to lead to begin with.

Here are 3 Warning signs of Spiritual Narcissists:

1. They claim that there are levels to spirituality.

I once overheard a former yoga teacher of mine say t to another student that she was not as her spiritual awakening and might never be. It felt like I was in a scene from Meangirls with Regina Bush saying that to Gretchen but I was at a yoga studio in Brooklyn, New York City.

I almost wanted to pinch myself to see if it was true or if it was real and it was because other teachers joined the conversation and affirmed the one who had been speaking before.

I noticed in that moment that those who claim to have a hierarchy to spirituality are doing so for domination over another person’s journey. We all go at our own pace and one Spiritual path is not above another’s. If someone makes you feel like that or tells you that in other words, you might want to reconsider being around them- especially in a healing space.

2. They bully students.

I have been practicing Bikram yoga for over ten years and sometimes I wonder why I have continued because it is filled with a lot of Ego and many abusive teachers.

A few years ago, I was practicing in Flatiron, N.Y.C. when I got into a backbend that was more advanced than the rest of the class. The teacher then came over to me and yelled at me to get out. I was so mortified, I couldn’t believe it. She had humiliated me in front of everyone just to tell me to get out of a posture that I had done in many classes before and had been a teacher at that point.

Out of panic, I submitted to her request but stopped taking her class. A few days later, I was in the changing room and noticed two women talking about that same teacher. Describing how she had yelled at a pregnant woman for doing the wrong postures.

It deeply saddens me that this is prevalent in any community, let alone one that is meant to be for healing and attracts vulnerable people. After my extensive research of narcissistic personalities, I learned that they are attracted to places where they can find weak and easily-manipulatable people to feed their Egos and see them as God-like creatures as opposed to human-beings.

Not all teachers mean well and it is okay to walk away from those who bully and berate you instead of leaving a space for you to grow, learn and prosper.

3. They claim to be God.

It may sound preposterous but yes, they claim to be God. They claim to be all-knowing, have all the answers and will not admit that they are learning and working on themselves as much as their students or clients.

Unfortunately, I have encountered many of these and they are more rampant than should be. The biggest sign of this is if they don’t practice spirituality or refuse to humble themselves in any way.

I used to have a former teacher who I noticed changed drastically when he stopped practicing Yoga. He developed mood swings, would yell at students and even call them names before, during and after class. His Ego had gotten to him and no one could tell him otherwise. He had decided that he was God and therefore above us, he made that very clear.

I distanced myself from him and have heard stories of his antics here and there. However, I wonder when the day will come when he will be held accountable for his behavior towards many vulnerable people. I hope that day comes and there is a standard of how spiritual teachers and wellness professionals should conduct themselves. Because the lack of boundaries allows them to get away with unprofessional and emotionally, sometimes physical as well, harmful behavior that doesn’t have to happen.

As more time passes, I am more inclined to no longer interact with other Yoga teachers like I used to. Mostly because I haven’t taught it for almost a year and am happy to no longer do so. Although I still practice, the industry itself has become too toxic and harmful for me.

While I am very grateful for every student I met, every teacher that I encountered and every studio that I taught for, I am a lot happier leaving that career behind.

As I look back on my time as a Yoga teacher, I can see clear lessons that I might’ve had more insight on if I had been warned about. Mostly with regards to dealing with studios and teachers. This specific article is dedicated to what I wish I had known when dealing with other Yoga teachers:

1. They (just like you) are not perfect.

I spent my time as a student putting teachers up on a pedestal and treating them as mini-celebrities. Many inspired me to grow and evolve as a person and for that, I am forever grateful.

However, when I became a teacher (myself), I would feel uncomfortable being put on a pedestal like I had previously done to others because I am not above anyone. I, just like everyone else, am learning and growing. So when I encountered teachers who behave as though they are above others, it would be disappointing.

I have seen some teachers abuse students, lie, steal and emotionally abuse people for their own gain. In the beginning, that used to upset me but then I realized that they are human and we are all capable of mistakes and wrongdoings- all of which deserves accountability.

2. They are your colleagues; not your friends.

As with all industries, there is a sense of competition in The Yoga Industry. Some of it is healthy and some of it is toxic. With all competition comes a winner and a loser and, it can be difficult to make friends with people who are competing for the number one spot with you.

When I started teaching Yoga, I felt a need to be kind, loyal and courteous to my colleagues until I realized that it wasn’t being rewarded to me. I noticed that a lot of the ‘kumbaya’ attitude was applied to certain circumstances and not a lifestyle. Which is alright; however, it made me distance myself from a lot and open my eyes to the realization that a lot of the industry is about a facade.

3. Be willing to say no.

I used to teach at the same studio with a particular teacher who would continuously substitute her classes. In fact, sometimes she would teach after me and ask me right after I had come from teaching the class before her.

In the spirit of needing to get along and keep the peace, I would say yes. Until one day, I found myself developing resentment towards her.

I looked at myself and faced the truth that I had not set proper boundaries and decided to do so moving forward even if she retaliated and called me names for doing so. Of course, when I did, she gave me backlash like I expected but that is on her.

There is a sincere lack of boundaries in The Yoga industry and I will only be contributing to it if I allow people to treat me with disrespect when it is not fair to me or anyone else to do so.

3 Warning signs of spiritual narcissists.

3 Things I wish I knew before dealing with yoga teachers.