It’s been three months since I decided to leave my last relationship. Although it has been challenging, I would never take this time back. I have learnt so much and most of what I have learnt are lessons that are irreplaceable.
Somehow, through that extremely difficult time, I was able to learn, grow and come out on the other side with a clearer set of lenses to look at life from. I feel grateful and fortunate.
I have no regrets; however, if I could have received any advice before leaving my last relationship, this is what it would be:
1. It is okay to think about yourself only, sometimes.
It is naturally in my character to think of others before myself. Often times, I will put others first because I care about their wellbeing more than my own. So, when someone is disrespectful towards me or crosses my boundaries, I have had challenges standing up for myself because I have previously felt as though they didn’t mean to, and I have given them the benefit of the doubt. It is great to be an optimist and believe the best of people. But, when it interferes with how we feel about ourselves and our general well-being, that is when it becomes a problem. We should never have to sacrifice our wellbeing for mistreatment. It is okay to let go of people who continue to mistreat you in order to protect your self-worth and energy.
2. Actions outweigh what we say.
I am a firm-believer of self-love & affirmations and, as a result, The Universe challenged me to prove if I really think that I am worthy of true love and respect. I can walk around with my head held up high, with grace and a façade of confidence. However , if I truly believe that I am worthy of love, I don’t have to put up with toxic energy and behaviour. The more that we love ourselves (truly), the more that we understand that love is action too. Sometimes love means speaking up for yourself, sometimes love means saying ‘no’ to a bad habit and sometimes love means leaving a situation that is draining us and bringing us down.
3. Set an intention and stick to it.
My former partner is everything that I have wanted on paper but the opposite of what I want according to behaviour. So, deciding to leave that relationship, was very difficult. It became too difficult to stay in because, I believe, that he has a lot of work to do on himself- as do I. The internal work that I have had to do is accept that what I want from a relationship was not going to come from this person and, move on with my life. Once I set that intention is when he would try to get me back, woo me with romantic gestures and ‘prove’ to me that I am the one that he wants. It used to work in the past but this last time, I learnt my lesson deeply. I learnt that if I have an intention and believe in something that I am worthy of, no one else can get in the way of what I want.
4. The word soulmate doesn’t equal staying in a toxic situation.
When my former partner and I met, it felt like The Universe had aligned to show us that we were meant to be in each others’ lives. In my previous articles, I mention all the signs that occurred for me to think that our meeting was synchronized and organized by The Divine. As a result of this, I held on to this relationship for dear life and I allowed him to do more because I thought this connection was forever. In this thinking, I forgot that, the connection that I have with myself is truly forever and allowing someone else to come in and disrupt my flow is not fair to me or the person that I am with. A connection with someone else (no matter who that person is) should not make you feel less than, it should enhance your positivity, light and capabilities. Otherwise, you will merely be running around in circles and trying to fit a square into a circle.