There are different types of Narcissists, in psychological terminology. To me, Narcissism is a spirit and energy where a person makes everything about them and is completely self-absorbed.

We all have our moments of being narcissistic; however, with Narcissists, you feel used and constantly in the cycle that they manipulate you.

I have had my fair share of dealings with these kinds of people and, although I am not a victim, it left me feeling hurt and abused. These relationships have taught me so many lessons and I am forever grateful.

Some of these, I can retain and others, I can pass on.

Here are 3 lessons that I have learnt from Narcissists who used to be in my life:

1. It is not your fault.

I strongly believe in accountability and growth. However, sometimes when we are on the journey of continual healing, we try to make the progress that we make perfect. It is not meant to be so.

We do not control who we attract into our lives; however, we do have a say over how people treat us. Narcissists are brilliant at making you feel special so that they can get you to do what they want. The more that it happens to you, the more that you can recognize this selfish and self-entitled spirit. Like with most things, practice makes perfect so don’t blame yourself if you have left a relationship like this. Take accountability on how you can move forward to avoid and prevent people like this in your life but let go of the shame. We learn and grow.

2. Boundaries are important.

Boundaries to a narcissist are like a house door to a burglar, they will find a way to break them down. We all make mistakes but this is not what I mean when dealing with those who genuinely lack empathy. You will find yourself explaining these over and over again. Only to see that they pretend to care about them but don’t. With narcissists, you have to choose your boundaries or them. The two cannot co-exist.

And, I hope you choose your boundaries because we set them to protect ourselves from past hurts and issues happening to us again. We do not deserve to be broken down and made to feel less than.

3. They can help you know and understand yourself better.

Everyone is a teacher and some teach from leading examples, others from embodying the opposite. Not all of our teachers are going to be what we want to be like; some come to teach us how not to do it.

The same applies with relationships. All of them teach us something: either about ourselves or other people. You May have allowed narcissism in your life because you had to heal it in yourself or set up boundaries to protect yourself against hurtful people. Get to know yourself more and be truthful about how they ended up in your life. Did you receive anything from this relationship that you can give yourself? Or, is there a part of you that needs to be complimented or liked?

Dealing with narcissists can help us heal ourselves and the part of us that allows people who abuse and use us around us in the first place.