Up until a year ago, I attracted the same kind of energy in a partner/ boyfriend. They were either emotionally unavailable, emotionally abusive or had narcissistic tendencies. I thought that this was how most men are. Although I had not been raised in a household with men who were like this, I thought that the real World was different and that I would probably have to settle for one of them.

After two engagements, two more proposals from other men and a few other long-term relationships, I reached my peak awareness of releasing limited thinking in relationships when I dated a famous DJ/Producer who was the perfect example of the kind of energy I had manifested in relationships: uncertainty, jealousy and game-playing.

Although after every relationship, I would reflect and heal; this time it was different. It connected me to my conditioning and how my upbringing had conditioned me to accepting less than I deserved. It was the perfect time for me to be honest with myself because I was done with the cycle.

I understood deeply and fully that I couldn’t want to create abundance in my regular life and leave my partner out of that. It is for all aspects of my life.

This is how I created abundance in my love life:

1. I entered the love vibration.

Love is a vibration and when you are in sync with it, you feel a sense of peace because you are unified with God’s presence. It is a fantastic feeling. Just like anything else, we have to want to be in love’s vibration so that we can radiate with it. By meditating, understanding that I am a manifestation of love and by being still with myself- I entered the portal of love.

In this portal, we understand that what is meant for us will find us and we let go of animosity, anger and resentment because there is no need for it anymore.

2. I released the female victimhood.

As a collective, when women get together we tend to talk about how men are doing us wrong. We think this is cathartic but it isn’t, it is sending out to The Universe that we are happy with what we are complaining about because it is what we spend most time on.

In Western culture, we are getting farther and farther away from simplicity, spirituality of light and humility. And, you might hear phrases like, ‘what you focus on expands’- people tend to take this too literally. It is okay to reflect, it is okay to tell your story but when your continual thought process or how you think of men is all bad and negative- that is a reflection of you and not men.

Once I released the need to blame men for my own mistakes and saw that they (just like women) are not represented by the few that I have dated but that maybe my vibration of victimhood was attracting men who kept me in the story of ‘poor me’, it changed.

If you are happy with the men you have dated, keep the same thought process about them. However, if you aren’t, it is time to do some real reflection. Saying things like, ‘men are trash’, ‘why aren’t there any good men’ or, ‘dealing with men is frustrating’ is not an excuse anymore because you are robbing yourself of all the good, kind and considerate men out there. I know many men who are kind, emotionally available and who are wonderful people.

3. I decided to have hope.

After my last relationship, I asked myself why I had come to think so negatively of men. I can’t remember my answer but I know that it led me down a path of wanting to think differently than I had before. I am a child of divorce and it is partially to blame for my conditioning to see men as worthless creatures. When I grew up, my Mother would call my Dad all kinds of negative names about him and in front of us and it conditioned me to think that if the man I loved the most was this way then I was not able to find better.

In the process of my healing post break-up, I remembered a song that I wrote when I was 16. It said that I see heartbreak and emotional despair in my future because of what I had seen in my family. After remembering this, I decided to re-write that story. If I could foresee what an impact my conditioning had on my future, it was time to intervene and change it for the better.

Everything happens for a reason and I am fully conscious of how I have negatively spoken about men because as a female collective, we have a tendency to find comfort in it. But, it only affects our future. I want my kids to see me speak kindly of their Dad, I want to be a healthy representation of a supportive couple and I want to love my future husband until the day that either of us dies. That means having hope that it is possible because I fully believe it is, particularly once I acknowledge how I have participated and will participate in all the relationships in my life.