I’ve been single for just over a year and I have had my moments where I freak out and want to date or be with someone just so that I have kids and settle down. However, I remind myself what happened in the past when I did that and all the chaos & drama I created when I dated from a fear-based place as opposed to abundance: knowing that the person I am meant to be with will be sent by God and divinely orchestrated.

As I have been on this path, I have received a lot of external commentary that has played into my fear so I have to cut that off and re-assure myself I am exactly where I am meant to be.

I have learnt many lessons in my former relationships. One of the biggest one’s is to not let other people into your relationship. I have been guilty of it and it is a mistake that I will never repeat again.

Here are 3 reasons why I have stopped talking about my love life:

1. It’s none of anyone else’s business.

I am grateful to have a strong friend support system. However when I didn’t in the past, I would trust almost anyone with what I was going through. This was exaggerated when I dated someone famous and noticed some people who would judge what I was going through or use it against me. I felt like what I was saying was being recorded or like I was on trial because some people felt that they knew my ex-boyfriend (more than I did) just because he was in the public-eye.

Honestly, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have told them about it to begin with. So now to avoid external judgement and betrayal, I keep what I am going through in my love life to myself and ask the divine for answers so that my mind can stay clear and I can keep a positive perspective about all of my relationships.

2. There should be no external forces in relationships.

One of my exes had a habit of looking at other women in my presence and it would drive me insane. Not out of jealousy but because I felt like he was allowing external energy into our relationship that was meant between two people. I am not talking about any other relationship because those are not for me, I am a monogamous-type because I believe in unity.

One night, while I was talking to a friend about what he did it dawned on me that I was doing what he had been doing in a different form. I had let external energy into our relationship by speaking about it to others and not him. We often think of cheating or betrayal as being sexual but dealing with intimacy is more than that, it can also be letting people know things about your partner that they shouldn’t know.

3. Anything that I want to communicate to my partner, he should know from me.

When I decided to shed myself of unhealthy habits, which is a continual journey, I realized something about myself and feminine culture. We have a tendency to speak about the person when they aren’t there but when they are around, we smile and act like everything is okay. That is one of the ultimate betrayals.

I have always been a direct person but that doesn’t sit well with a lot of people, particularly in female culture. So, I found myself cowering to being fake and it was torture. I found myself surrounded by people who do the same and I didn’t like myself. So, I made a promise to myself to be honest- even if it aches but to do so from a place of love and resentment-free.

Instead of internally boiling up and waiting to let out my frustrations towards others, I speak up in the moment so that I know and they know where I stand. There is no need for other people to know how I feel about my partner when he has no idea because that is not fair to our relationship or to either one of us.