dating

Dear W, 8/6/2020

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

Dear W, 

I am sorry! I apologize for doubting you and for putting up a wall between us that was built with fear and judgement. 

I apologize for wanting you to change and be different when you are exactly who you are meant to be. 

I am sorry for telling everyone how awful you are and never telling you about the great times. All the great songs you wrote for me, the love you had for me and the friendship that you have always extended to me- even when I didn’t deserve it. 

I had forgiven you after we broke up to have power over you and now I forgive you to see you as you are, how God created you and exactly how you are meant to. 

I promise to never change you and accept you as you are. I love you. 

9 choses que je dirais à mes ex si je les voyais aujourd'hui.

Image de Unsplash

Image de Unsplash

Je suis célibataire depuis plus d'un an et ça a été magnifique. Je me vois m'installer et être dans un partenariat sacré, respectueux, honnête et rempli d'amour.

En repensant aux relations précédentes, je ne suis que reconnaissant. De temps en temps, j'ai des aperçus du passé des souvenirs qui me laissent avec un sourire sur mon visage.

Après tout, je reste avec une profonde gratitude.

Voici 9 choses que je dirais à mes ex:

1. Merci.

2. Vous m'avez aidé à grandir.

3. Vous m'avez aidé à apprendre à aimer.

4. Je suis ici aujourd'hui et je me suis transformé en partie grâce à vous.

5. Vous êtes aimé.

6. J'espère que vous avez tout l'amour et le bonheur que vous méritez.

7. Que tous vos souhaits se réalisent.

8. Je prie pour votre santé, votre bien-être et pour que vous continuiez à choisir l'amour.

9. Je vous ai pardonné comme je suis sûr que vous m'avez pardonné.

Dear God, I pray for guidance…

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

Dear God, 

I pray for guidance from Angel Chamuel (the angel of love), I am confused and I pray for the strength to leave this confusion into clarity.

I just let go of a situation with a lovely guy because he wasn’t emotionally and physically available for me but I am wondering why you would send me down a path like that again? I was promised a man who is available to me. So, why him? 

 I don’t want to say that I am mad but I am low key disappointed that the one person that I wanted it to be, it isn’t. And, I am being reminded that it isn’t because he is still a unit with his family and former partner. Which he has to be but I don’t want to feel like an outsider looking in. 

I want to be a part of the story. I deserve a man who tells me; not me finding out from other sources. 

Please give me strength, God. When I see him and his family, please give me the courage to choose me, over breadcrumbs. I deserve a partner who is one hundred percent available for me, wants a future with me and is ready to have one with me. 

I don’t do games, false pretenses, intrusions or reading in code. I deserve honesty, kindness, success, drive, genuine respect and love. That is what I was promised so please guide me to it. 

I pray that I walk away from this situation without resentment; only peace. I pray for peace, serenity and surrendering to the fact that I left for a reason and now I make space for what I deserve... finally!

Thank you for making this space and I pray that you help me manifest a new partner into my life, one that is worthy of my time as much as I am of his. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

His actions speak louder than his words. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He enjoys the journey of healing (just like I) and is willing to work for it. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He practices what he preaches. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has chosen, just like I have, to leave behind the old idea of partnership and chooses a new one based on equality and kindness. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has left the need and addiction for drama behind him and has chosen to be at peace. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He comes with his heart in his hand because he understands that no one should have to work for love. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He knows that I don’t owe him anything. What I give to him is out of choice, vice versa. So we choose actions towards one another wisely. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He admires peace, understands his partner’s worth and thinks highly of growth. 

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. We hold hands together and promise to elevate each other’s lives, no matter what comes our way. 

The 3 things that I wish I knew about emotional abuse before I started dating.

Image by Unsplash

Image by Unsplash

We have all heard phrases like, ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never harm me.’ Which is a very false statement to project out into The World. Unfortunately, it has set the precedent for how many of us are able to be emotionally abused without even realizing that it is happening until we have left the situation or the abuser is done with us and taken what they wanted from us.


I used to believe that everyone was good and that everyone had kind intentions, until my last two romantic relationships, where I clearly saw that they didn’t come to our union with kind intentions. In fact, they came with opposite intentions. I then started to look back at former relationships, not only romantic ones, and saw a trend. You might ask, what took her so long to understand this? And, the most simple answer is that I didn’t want to believe that some people would go out of their way to harm me because then I would have to see the world through a different lens. A different point of view of how I had been raised and conditioned by society, that not everyone wants to be a better person.


*If you would like to know more about my previous realizations and how I have come to this understanding, please read my previous articles.

Here are 3 things that I wish I’d known about emotional abuse before I started dating:


1. It can happen to anyone.

We have this idea that people who are weak and ignorant are prey for abusive people. They might be, yes! However, so is everyone else. We live in a culture that supports emotional abuse because we hide it, particularly by those who are closest to us. The general trend of abuse is to silence the abused while the abuser moves on to someone else. And, the cycle continues. Not only does the cycle continue with the abuser; however, abused people often end up abusing (too) because they are conditioned and fooled into thinking that abuse is somehow appropriate or acceptable.


When I mentioned how my former partner emotionally abused me to some people, I was met with very little compassion and was told phrases like, ‘Stay away!’, ‘Keep yourself safe!’ Or ‘Just leave him alone’. What people don’t understand is that abusers are highly aware of their actions and will not just ‘leave their victims alone’, they receive a form of satisfaction from predatory behaviour. This cycle can happen to anyone. Instead of us shunning who it has happened to, we should be open to their process of healing and give them credit for the strength that they have needed to endure a situation like an abusive one.


2. Surround yourself with people who believe you and support you.

The biggest mistake that I ever made while I was in emotionally abuse relationships was surrounding myself with people who affirmed what the abuser would say to me. For example, my ex-fiancé would call me ‘fat’ frequently. When I told some people this, I was told that I was being sensitive for being affected by his words or that he didn’t really mean it. I believed them because I did have a tendency to be sensitive, so there was some truth to what they were saying. However, there is never an excuse for calling someone that you love, ‘fat’.


Looking back, I understand clearly that their response was a byproduct of what they accepted in their life. As I previously mentioned, we live in a society that accepts abuse. So, most people will not understand why you are standing up for yourself against emotional abuse because they either use emotionally abusive tactics themselves. Or, are being abused and ignore how you feel because them accepting it would have an effect on their reality and how they operate.


3. Trust yourself.

The older that I get, the more that I see how little I used to trust myself. I have always been intuitive and, thankfully, my mother affirmed me of this since I was a kid. I have memories of steering clear of certain people who turned out to be abusing others or turned out to be insincere in some of manner.


For example, I would avoid watching The Cosby Show because I couldn’t stand to look at the father. There was no solid reason for why I felt the way that I did; turns out that I had a sneaky suspicion of what has been revealed to the public through a judicial process. Through evidence and conviction, it has been proven to us that he has not had kind intentions and when I was a child, I felt it- even through the television screen. Unfortunately, most of us are trained to trust others, money and social labels more than ourselves so we go along with what the situation is, until it is revealed that a scenario or person is not a safe space to be in.


When you have a feeling about someone that is off, it is okay to wait for them to reveal themselves over time. Sometimes we rush into situations and go against our gut feeling for fear that we might lose out on a romantic situation. However, if that person is worth being with, they will not mind taking things slow. It is a major red flag if someone denounces your wishes to take your time because rushing into a romantic situation is prime breeding ground for an abuser to manipulate you into going against your self worth and intuition.



The 3 Things that I have learnt from being in an almost decade-long cycle of emotionally abusive relationships.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

As we end the year and another decade, I have found myself having nostalgia of the great memories from 2010-2019. I am (without a doubt) blessed and grateful; however, within these years, I have definitely experienced some deep emotional pain and relationships that were not ideal.


I am here today, proud of who I am because I decided to make the most of what was dealt to me. Sometimes, being in a cycle creates survival; however, I choose to thrive. The two are different. In honour of living the best life that I am able, I must be honest about my past. In my honesty, I hope to heal myself and others by revealing truths that we are usually too afraid to reveal.


Here are 3 things that I have learnt from my cycle of emotionally abusive relationships:


1. I can only save myself.


My first memory of wanting to be a saviour is when I was six and my mom came back from the hospital, after giving birth to my sister, with stitches on her belly. I deeply wanted to relieve her of her pain and kept asking her questions about how she got into that circumstance. I wanted to cure her of her stitches and make her fine right then and there. I was a kid, yes! However, I have always had a need to take people out of pain- hence why I am a yoga teacher and wellness coach. This attribute has been an advantage most of the time; however, it has sometimes been a disadvantage.


I have found myself wanting to relieve people from emotional pain and taking on their burden or relieving them of the work that they have to do to heal (themselves). I am able to influence another person; however, I am not able to do the work for them. We are all meant to work on ourselves, which is karma. Everything, including inner peace and wellbeing, requires our own work and self-healing.


2. I can say no.


In previous articles, I touch on how it has been difficult for me to say no in the past. This has been the most challenging thing to learn in my life because we do not live in a society that acknowledges boundaries. One could argue that we live in a society that promotes the lack of boundaries. As a black woman living in America and often being in corporate settings, saying no comes with a price. In fact, for anyone living in a corporate setting, saying no comes with a price because there might be someone else for the job who is cheaper and more available than you are. Corporations tend to feed into our insecurities.


In a corporate society, our personal lives follow suit. If you say ‘no’ to someone who you are romantically involved with, you risk them leaving you and finding someone else who will say yes. That instills fear within us which continues the cycle of self-doubt and lack of self-worth. It has taken me a long time to be able to believe with every fiber of my being that if I work hard enough, am truthful enough and open enough, everything that is meant for me will find me. This knowing has helped me release people, situations and things that feed off of me not feeling good enough.


3. I always have a say.

I’ve been pretty honest about how my last relationship highlighted how I had been in emotionally abusive and manipulative relationships in the past without even being aware of it. You might be asking, how did she not recognize it? Because when you live it, it is challenging to step away from it. I am grateful for every single former relationship because it had a purpose. Particularly the last one because it helped me heal the trauma that I had developed as a kid. I have also mentioned how I grew up with an emotionally abusive older sibling that subconsciously taught me that abuse is okay as long as no one else knows about it. There were no bruises but my self-worth was compromised.


As an adult, in romantic relationships, I would hide when my fiancé would call me fat, when my boyfriend would disappear for two weeks or when another boyfriend and I decided to get pregnant and, he disappeared. My silence festered this cycle. And, we all know that darkness is the prime location for breeding negativity, toxicity and secrets. It took me being in a relationship with a well-known Producer who would lie, cheat and blame me for his actions for me to see the pattern that had been going on in my life. I had attracted and entertained emotionally abusive people.


It took an exaggerated form like this where I still have to hear the music that he made about me on radio and public places to remind me of the role that I played. Who I am today is very different to the person that I was when we met, two years ago. I used to think that someone who I admired knowing me, being influenced by me and seeing me meant that it was cosmic divinity. However, now I understand that me seeing myself, recognizing my self-worth and my truth is the most magic that I will ever experience in this lifetime.

Lo que desearía haber sabido antes de salir con un narcisista.

Imagen de Unsplash

Imagen de Unsplash

Hace un mes, corté a mi ex novio. Había llegado al punto en que ya no podía tenerlo en mi vida. A pesar de que habíamos estado separados por casi seis meses y había dejado mi relación, estaba claro que él todavía quería volver a ser mi compañero. Y haría "cualquier cosa" (como lo expresó) para que esto suceda.

Una vez que corté los lazos con él, prometí no hablar más de él ni nada más que las muchas lecciones que aprendí de lo que tuvimos juntos. Ingenuamente pensé que él lo entendería, pero había olvidado que mi ex pareja tenía tendencias narcisistas. De hecho, creo que es un narcisista. * Consulte mi artículo sobre enamorarse de un narcisista en nuestra sección de amor.

A medida que avanzo con mi vida, él está haciendo todo lo que está en su poder para mantenerme involucrado en su vida y su paradero. Sin embargo, como un verdadero Acuario, cuando he pasado de una relación romántica, no hay vuelta atrás.

Sé que no puedo retroceder el reloj, no quisiera. Y prometí no hablar de eso. Sin embargo, creo que debo transmitir esta información a alguien que la necesita.

Aquí hay 3 cosas que desearía haber sabido antes de salir con un narcisista:

1. El amor no es una competencia o una pelea.

Soy una persona muy competitiva y creo en dar lo mejor de mí; Sin embargo, algunas situaciones no son sobre ganar o perder. Especialmente cuando se trata de amar. Cuando comencé a salir con mi ex pareja, él me dijo que me convencería. Pensé que era peculiar porque no estaba interesado en nadie más. Pero, pensó y creyó lo contrario. Si no estaba peleando con alguien que creía que estaba interesado en mí, me pelearía por mi libertad y me preguntaría agresivamente dónde había estado cuando no lo había visto en unas pocas horas. Noté un profundo deseo en él de ganar a toda costa, incluso si eso significaba pelear conmigo en el proceso. Hasta el día de hoy, él todavía está en guerra conmigo y la decisión que he tomado de no estar más con él. Pero eso no es amor verdadero. El amor puro comprende y reconoce que si alguien está hecho para ti, no tendrás que luchar por ello. Proponer esfuerzo y luchar son dos cosas diferentes.

2. Las acciones hablan más que las palabras.

Aunque he escuchado esto decir más de una docena de veces, es difícil comprender lo que realmente significa. En una cultura que pone el romance en un pedestal, es difícil entender si alguien está siendo auténtico en lo que dice o si es para mostrar. Pensé que mi ex estaba presentando acciones por sus gestos grandiosos: escribir canciones sobre mí, publicar carteles publicitarios y proclamar cómo no podría vivir sin mí. Poco sabía, no tenía intención de esforzarse porque eso significaría hacer algo que no giraba en torno a él. Y, con los narcisistas, su mundo se trata de ellos mismos.

Me cansé de escuchar la misma historia de cómo cambiaría, iría a terapia y seguiría adelante con su comportamiento egoísta. Al final, entendí que vale la pena para él y su éxito vivir la vida que él está viviendo. No tuvo nada que ver conmigo.

3. No es personal.

Algunos amigos me han enviado una ruptura muy pública que tuvo con su ex novia hace una década. Anteriormente había evitado leerlo porque no me gusta juzgar a las personas en función de su pasado; Sin embargo, mucho de lo que ella dice que le sucedió es lo que él está tratando de hacerme actualmente. Está difundiendo palabras negativas sobre mi personaje, lo que le hice e incluso me ha deseado la muerte. ¡Suena dramático, lo sé! Porque los narcisistas no pueden manejar el rechazo. He decidido tomar lo bueno y seguir adelante independientemente. Su comportamiento no se trata de mí y si se lo devuelvo, pareceré más loco que él. Desafortunadamente, vivimos en una sociedad en la que cuando una mujer dice su verdad, es horrible, pero cuando un hombre hace lo mismo, es su verdad. No siempre, pero la mayoría del tiempo.

He aprendido que no hay necesidad de alimentar el fuego. Él puede pensar y decirle a la gente que soy la peor persona viva, pero sé en mi corazón que soy un alma amable. Saber quién soy y lo que defiendo es protección contra cualquier forma de negatividad innecesaria.

4 Reasons why I will never hate my Ex.

IMG_7975.jpeg

I’ve been pretty open about how happy I am being single and without my former partner. Sometimes, however, we can confuse statements like this as a reason to hate someone or anyone in this World. But, no one deserves that much energy and effort- especially if it’s negative.


I’ve learnt many things about relationships from being in them and from people around me. And, one of the major things that I have learnt is that when you hate someone, they control your life. It is definitely much easier said than done. But, I believe that if I am being asked to be a stronger person, I can and will rise to the occasion.


Here are 4 reasons why I will never hate my ex:


1. Hate is negative power at its height.

It’s easy to hate. I know because I’ve spent a lot of my life hating people for treating me a certain way, thinking a particular way or for just for being different. But, what I have understood about this is that the only person it really affects is The Hater. Hate builds walls, creates animosity and tension. All of which, I would be experiencing if I choose to hate him. If I truly believe in making The World a better place, then it is my responsibility to ensure that I do the best that I can. That involves releasing hate for people who I believe to have done me wrong.


2. He is human.

I believe in transparency and would be lying if I said that his behaviour doesn’t sometimes bother me. Even though his actions towards me are currently vengeful and angry; I still see a human. Yes, I have chosen to not be with him but I don’t have to vilify him like he is trying to do to me. His path is his; mine is my own. If I respond to his behaviour with the same energy, I am fueling it. So, I would rather let it go and move on with my life.


3. I am human.

When we first broke up, I tried so hard to do it in a peaceful way because I was afraid of being seen as mean or evil- especially as a woman. I’ve never been able to be friends with any of my exes and that has affected me. I carried a deep burden that I need to be friends with my former partners because a lot of people that I know can. In honour of this, I bent over backwards trying to appease my recent ex because I was afraid to be seen in a bad light. I didn’t want anyone to label me as the one who can’t keep a relationship or stay cordial with the person that she spent so much time with. He knew this and used it against me. It is water under the bridge. However, I understand fully that I am human and that I don’t have to always be seen in the best light. I have to make the right decision for me and my health, whether anyone else likes it or not. I am okay with people judging me because I am only human and I will not live according to other people’s standards- I am not meant to.


4. Hate is bonding.

If I am truly done with my former relationship then there is no reason to hold on to it anymore. Not everyday is peachy and rosy when I think about him, particularly when it is visible how much negativity he has for me right now because I hear songs that he wrote about me that play frequently. I am not a victim; I can feel what I need to feel and then move on with peace because when we feel extremely passionate (in a good or bad way) we stay tied to that person. I have chosen to release him no matter what he might say or do to me because the past is not worth being tied down to.

The 4 roles that I am done playing in partnerships.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

I’ve been single for the past six months and have had a chance to really dive deep into my thoughts, my own interests and my purpose in life. Not to say that this is not accomplishable if you are in a relationship; however, the type of partnerships that I had previously been in, I gave more to them than what I got back.


I have no animosity towards any of my exes. I love them all dearly and I wish them well. They are fantastic people and they have helped shape me into who I am today. I don’t communicate with most of them, which I sometimes get sad about because I believe if you have shared a beautiful journey with another person, there is no need to be spiteful or resentful towards them. Every relationship has an expiration date.


My last relationship, which ended in June, solidified some of the biggest lessons that I had previously touched on the surface. Part of the reason that it did is because my former partner was well-known and sometimes, with fame comes disorder, toxicity and people attracted to the idea of a facade. Although I still have love for this man, it is very clear that we are not meant to be together for the long haul, which is fine. Not everything significant and life-changing requires long-term commitment. Sometimes people and things come into our lives to teach us a thing or two and then we part ways.


Through these past relationships, I learnt many things. In most of them, I played a role. Whatever title I played came with a sacrifice, of myself. I used to believe that I needed to sacrifice a part of who I was/am to be loved- which is a big lie.

True love begins with acceptance and now that I have found that kind of love for myself, I would be honoured to share it with another.


Here are the 4 roles that I am done playing in relationships:


1. The ‘perfect one’.


It was on my fifteenth birthday that my father called me to tell me that he was on his way and never showed up. Not only did he not show up but I never saw him ever again. He decided that he didn’t want to be a part of our family anymore. This pain I hid for many years in the form of needing to be perfect because, subconsciously, I had thought that I was the reason why he left. I kept what had happened a secret from my close friends because their lives seemed perfect and I was afraid that if I broke the ‘perfect’ mould, I wouldn’t be lovable to anyone. This belief is what I held onto until recently. I believed that if I showed anyone my tears or let my guard down about my true emotions and pain, they would run. Contrary to what I had believed, it does the opposite.


Creating a mould of perfection of who I am, the person that I should be with and, how we should look to everyone else is a lie. One that is not worth living because while we put up facades, we sacrifice ourselves, relationships and the people that we love.


2. The ‘martyr’.


Maybe this is middle-child syndrome or being a child of divorce; however, I have frequently felt like I am the one that everyone needs to rely on. This martyr-type of thinking attracted and entered into relationships with people who were comfortable with dumping their load onto me because I would take it. I would get dumped on, over-and-over, until I would leave or break up with my partner.


I used to believe that true love meant being someone else’s saviour; however, I have come to understand and learn that we are the only ones who can ever really save ourselves. I can support, encourage, influence and leave an impression on somebody else. But, if that person doesn’t want to change, I can’t force them.


3. The ‘cool’ one.


Even though I am very feminine, I have always been inclined to male-driven and competitive activities. As a result, I had a lot of male friends, many of them I would end up dating. Because we were formerly friends, they felt comfortable with me. Sometimes, they were so comfortable with me that they would say inappropriate things to me about how attractive another woman is and our boundaries became blurred because we acted more as friends than as partners. A friendship is important in partnership; however, partners and friends are different. We choose partners to live with, to possibly have children with and, to grow old together- this is not usually the outcome with friends.


A healthy partnership requires boundaries and I am done playing the role that I am okay with a broken boundary or disrespect when I am not. Playing along and not speaking up only leads to bitterness and resentment down the line.


4. The ‘settling- one’.


Maybe it’s because I’m an Aquarius but I believe in freedom and being with someone who enjoys my company, not someone that I have forced to be with me. I fully admit that I have previously fallen trap into the idea that love is jealous, mean and unkind when my intuition has always told me otherwise.


As women, we are raised with sayings like, ‘You need to keep him in check’, ‘He can look but make sure he knows where his home is’ or, ‘He’s a man, he is going to cheat’. Believing these sayings has caused me immense pain and suffering because they affirm that women should settle for less and expect less from men. I’m not sure why I believed these sayings because I was raised by strong women who believe the opposite of this. When I did implement these false sayings into my life, I would always regret sacrificing my self worth and integrity just to be in a relationship with someone who I probably shouldn’t have been with in the first place.


Once I found true love for myself, I released the need to be with another person. Particularly if that person is someone who doesn’t respect me, my values, my culture and what I believe in.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. A post break-up affirmation.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is in the form of someone who takes responsibility for his actions. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has grown enough, emotionally, to not blame me for what he is going through in his life. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has a positive approach to life. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has evolved from a boy into a man. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will remind me that everything I went through was for a reason. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will continue to motivate me and lift me up, as I will do for him. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He understands that sometimes love means being stronger, kind and more loving towards the people that he loves

4 empowering things that I have learnt from dating

from Getty Images

from Getty Images

I've had a few long term relationships and dated in between them. But only since my last break-up have I been able to understand what I did wrong in them. 

After seeking professional help through therapists and mentors, I was shown why my relationships didn't do well. 

It has empowered me. And, whether you are female or male, I would like you to feel empowered too. Therefore, I would like to share what was revealed to me to you: 



1. Don't sleep with someone before 60 days. 

This may work for some people but it definitely didn't work me. I read Steve Harvey's 'Think like a man, act like a lady' and his rule can be applied to both men and women. He says that we should wait 90 days before having sex with the person that we are dating. I think everyone's time frame may be different; however, we all know that when you sleep with a prospective , it may cloud your judgement at a very critical time: the formative stage. I recommend keeping things simple and sex-free in the beginning of every relationship to find out if you really like someone. 

 

2. Don't make up excuses for someone that you are dating. 

 

There is a clear difference between an excuse and an explanation. If the person that you are dating's behaviour doesn't align with what you think is acceptable, give yourself permission to ask yourself what might happen down the road if that behaviour continues. For example, someone not replying to your texts or not calling when they say they will could be a symptom of a deeper problem and, as a result, probably might happen again. Don't excuse it in the beginning, hoping that they will see the light and change. See the person for who they are not who you want them to be. 

 

3. I don't need to convince someone to be with me. 

I recently made date arrangements with someone who I saw as a potential romantic partner; however, he flaked on our first date twice . I have learnt from my past that, if the other person is not willing to meet me halfway, I will find someone who will. Instead of me allowing him to potentially flake on  me again when I am emotionally and physically invested, I empowered myself by blocking and deleting his number as soon as he flaked the second time.Simply onto the next, nothing personal.

 

4. Love yourself first.

In the dating world, we become afraid to have preferences because I think that we fear not being loved. If you love yourself first, you don't need to fear not getting it back from someone you barely even really know or who isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve. One of my mentors, Iyanla Vanzant says, 'You alone are enough'. If you love yourself, you are able to depend on yourself more than you would someone else and don't really need to depend on others. It may sound isolating but it is very empowering to understand that you are enough for yourself and for someone else and you don't need to desperately cling onto people and relationships that aren't healthy for you to fill a void that you can fill for yourself.