Sometimes in our lives, we have to review our behaviour and the behaviour of the people in our lives.
It can often happen by force which may come in the form of betrayal or mistrust. Or, it may come at a time in our lives when we feel incomplete or feel as though we are missing genuine connections with people in our lives.
I am a firm-believer in detoxing. Detoxing your mind, body and soul. And, sometimes letting go of friendships, things and people that do you harm. Once we detox, however, it is important to think about how and why we attracted a person or situation to begin with.
It could've been one of the following:
1. You, yourself, have a tendency to be negative.
I had a client who had fallen into the pattern of being negative, which is normal. I noticed that she would project her negativity onto others and therefore, she would attract more negativity. I told her, and now I am telling you, that it is important to be aware of your own habits as we often attract similar behaviour as we have become used to it. She had no idea that she had created this pattern. This was two years ago and now she is in a happier place and surrounded by more positive and influential people. When I keep up with her, she is so grateful for that advice that I gave her as she had no idea. Some of you may have no idea, so pay attention to the people around you.
2. Don't base friendships on gossip and negative speech.
This is something that I have just learnt, again! During the winter, I found myself frustrated with a job that I decided to leave and during that frustration, I had become friends with another colleague. We spent a lot of our time speaking badly about that place and our circumstances. This lead to a foundation of friendship that was built upon negativity. Just like with all relationships, they need to have a foundation of truth, love and compassion - not on hateful or disappointment speech. Friendships like this don't survive. It would be different if we were supporting each other through a difficult time by affirming each other and being hopeful of the future; however, we spent a lot of time dwelling on what was being done to us.
3. Unclear boundaries
Boundaries are so important, very important. I can't re-iterate this enough. I like to use the analogy of when someone comes into your house, they ring the intercom, then they go through a gate/door then another door to get into your house/ apartment, right? This should be the same for your life. When you meet someone, they shouldn't be able to know everything about you and be able to be called a friend in an instant. As much as there are awesome and uplifting people, there are negative people who can bring you down too. Take your time with new acquaintances and start to notice if the person is worth trusting and worth having as a friend.We often let people into our lives too quickly to realize who they were until they are gone. Actively realize who you are letting into your life by taking it slowly and don't be afraid to see if someone isn't ideal for you.