When I look back at the beginning of my emotional healing process, it consciously began in 2012. I was in a toxic relationship with a man who was going through a divorce and all that I could do was think about him and wonder when he would be with me because he was my dream man.

Ironically, my fear of losing him evaporated after I was almost arrested for being drunk and disorderly in August, 2012. After being saved by three random people who came by the cab that night, I made a promise to God that I would finally do the work that I had been avoiding. It was clear that my toxic thoughts and actions had led me down a path to a man that didn’t really care about me, a career path that was inauthentic and, a lifestyle that had me exhausted and wishing to be living in someone else’s skin.

When I made this promise to Our Higher Source, I said that no matter how hard it was, I was going to pull through and be a better version of myself. Who knew that this path would have made me a Yoga Teacher, Spiritual Coach and Business woman? 8 years later and I am grateful for ever step of the way.

Here are 3 things that I have learnt and wish I had known before I started my emotional healing process:

1. We all have memories that eat us up but how can we empower ourselves through these memories.

During my first awakening in 2012, when I decided to surrender my life to God and Source, I had left my boyfriend who was going through a divorce. I previously mentioned how he and I would drink a lot together and on the night that I was almost arrested, I had been with him beforehand. The majority of our relationship was drinking and being verbally abusive with one another. I thought that it was okay to have a relationship where we create intense toxicity, in the name of passion.

After I made a promise to God, I stopped drinking for a while and began a 30-day hot yoga challenge where I practiced hot yoga everyday. Many people thought that I was crazy and wondered what was wrong with me. However, as I shed physical weight, I also shed mental and emotional weight. I was done carrying the burden of hate and unforgiveness.

I noticed that the situation I had been in with that boyfriend was similar to the one that I had had with my father. Both would come and leave as they pleased, both were successful CEOs and lacked emotional intelligence but made up for it with materials and compliments. I specifically remember a memory (when I was a kid) of being next to my Dad and feeling how much emptiness was between us even though we were next to one another.

As an adult, I made a choice to forgive my father for being a victim of and accentuating the role of toxic masculinity where putting up walls is more beneficial than letting people in. When I first had memories like this, I would cry from my soul but I knew that that was healing taking place. I had to release my past to move forward with my life. And, forgiveness was essential- to myself and to others.

2. It gets worse before it gets better.

I had no idea that I was capable of having a life that is loving and genuinely kind. When I started my emotional healing process, I knew that the past would try to grip me and take me under its wing but I saw right through it. I knew that there was a rainbow (figuratively) on the other side.

Before I made a conscious decision to be kind, loving and focus on the negative, I found myself in looping ideas that would manifest into my life. I would end up dating the same kind of person, have the same type of friend and resist the idea of change- which is inevitable. I was stuck.

I am a firm-believer that everything is happening for us but it might not be how you want it to be. Just because it doesn’t present itself to you this way doesn’t mean that it is not for your benefit.

Just because I decided to heal moving forward in 2012, doesn’t mean that my life miraculously becomes better because; that is not the human experience. We are meant to grow through circumstances and what we go through. However, our mindset can create trauma and have an effect on our physical and mental well-being.

Victimizing ourselves reminds us that we are victims; however, empowering thoughts remind us of our authentic power that no one can take away form us, no matter what we face or go through.

3. Healing is not about money or anyone else.

Like many others, I began healing with this idea that there are levels of healing and that I would present myself to others as a good person if I appeared to be enlightened.

But, this is where The Ego loves to reside- in levels, monetary worth and hierarchy. We are all on our own mission. My mission is very different to yours, which is okay. I am very wary of people who create a façade of telling others what healing should feel like and that there is an outcome because everyone encounters their own experiences.

Ultimately, we can influence each other by sharing our stories but forcing another to feel what we have felt through awakening or healing is counteractive to true healing.