Life is a journey and we are dealt with cards that we can either use to advantage us or work against us. You might have heard this analogy often. But what does this mean? To me, it means that I will make the best of life no matter what is thrown at me. I will work hard, think smart and do what I can to be my best, regardless of where I have come from, the colour of my skin or being born a woman because my power is in my hands.

Having this mindset has gotten me into a lot of hot water. I admit to not always being sensitive and compassionate in some areas- which I am working on. However, I have learnt that there are personality types that would rather whine than work, complain rather than correct and, defy true freedom rather than define it for themselves.

I am learning more and more as I go and mostly, that you can’t help those who do not want to be helped.

Here is more of what I wish I had known about these 3 types of personalities:

1. Those who refuse to grow.

Growth is optional and the older that I get, the more that I can clearly differentiate the difference between people who make an effort to evolve vs. those who stay stagnant. I was one of those people who felt like I could stay the same and that nothing would change me or my view on life. But, I quickly learnt that I would only hurt myself if I was not open to seeing life from a different perspective.

Refusing to grow works against the cycle of our lives. Just like trees shed leaves, we are meant to shed a part of our personality and acquire another. That is evolving. Understanding what works and what doesn’t. If we don’t evolve and figure out what isn’t working for us, we only hurt ourselves because we are recreating the same life, over and over and expecting different results. Which is a form of insanity.

2. Those who blame what has happened to them on other people.

A friend shared a quote on Instagram that said, ‘The World might be responsible for your pain but, you are responsible for your own healing.’ And, it resonated with me deeply. I recounted the amount of times that I had blamed things on being a woman, a person of colour or being raised in a developing country. Then, I remembered how good it felt to be empowered anyway.

Despite what my ancestors (regardless of heritage) had experienced, I am here today. That is proof that more is going right than not. The power is in using what I thought were my disadvantages as my advantages. I connect with people who feel isolated because I once did and I understand fully that isolation is sometimes external but is usually self-imposed.

We can spend our time blaming or work to being whole and full of love. It might be unfair, yes! But, who loses if we don’t? Definitely not the person we blame, we do.

3. People who will never be happy with me.

I used to suffer deeply from the need to make people around me happy. When I became self-aware of this, I thought that it was to save the person that I wanted to make happy. However, I came to realize that it was to serve me and my Ego.

You see, if I had to be around someone who wasn’t pleased with me, I felt badly because I wanted to appear like a good person. Over the past decade, I have been healing this part of myself. The side that wants to appear ‘good’ because I have learnt that if I am living truthfully, not everyone will be happy with me.

I have had to learn that some people won’t like me, especially when I am not following the crowds and stand up for what is moral and in alignment with God’s word. It is not my job to be liked and releasing myself of the need to be held hostage by other people’s opinions is liberating. I might go through life never being understood by others but as long as I live a life that praises God, is ethically sound and health-orientated, I don’t have to look to others for acceptance. I can look within for all the embrace that I will ever need.