I have recently overcome the pain and trauma associated with my childhood. It has taken being truthful, finding forgiveness and making peace with the past so that I can process it- in a gentle and loving way.

This is not to blame anyone but I think as a child, we are often not told some things that can be vital for our growth. As I have forgiven my parents, particularly one parent, I have let go of the need to criticize them and add to that pain. I feel like enough people have judged me and held me to an impossible expectation for me to do it another.

Ultimately, we forgive so that we are forgiven and I am not an angel. Like I mentioned, this is not about blame but it is about truth and honesty is the only way forward because secrets manifest into physical and/or emotional abuse, trauma and damage that can be detrimental to the fabric of our souls and beings.

I made a choice in my life to be honest to break the generational trauma that had been passed down to me. The biggest one is that you don’t tell people what you’re going through because no one must know how you really feel. There is freedom in confronting the truth and in helping others do the same.

So, here are 3 things that I wish I had been told as a child:

1. You are not crazy, your school teacher(s) might not like you but I support you and am willing to speak up for you.

I can countlessly remember when I would come home (as a child) and express how I felt picked on by my teachers. In all honesty, I hated school. I was bullied a lot, mostly by my teachers. But, you see, in traditionally African families, bullying is meant to be ignored.

I have recently overcome the immense resentment that I carried to many of my teachers when I recently saw some of them and saw insecure people who just wanted to be liked. Hence, why they were bullies. I would be lying if I said that when I would tell my parents that my teachers were bullying me that it didn’t leave intense scarring on my emotional well-being. But, what is done is done!

I wish I had heard that I wasn’t crazy when a teacher would tell me to sit down because the speech that I had spent so much time on was, in her words, ‘appalling and not worth listening to’, after I spoke one sentence of it. These experiences are painful and un-necessary- no matter who tells you that you need them to become stronger. So, I ask all parents to listen to your children if they feel like their teacher is bullying them. They are worthy of being listened to. I would have had more trust in the education system and trusted authority more if I had felt heard, seen and listened to.

It is a myth to think that teachers do not have an influence on what and how your child learns, pay attention to any feedback your child has about them.

2. You don’t need to attend college to be successful at something that you want to do.

I am an advocate for education and learning. I probably read a book a week. My thirst for knowledge is something that has been a common thread in my life. Something that I have learnt from absorbing tons of information is that you have to want to learn what you are consuming.

We are in the Information Age and we have the fortune of being able to learn at the top of our fingertips- yet most people are still ignorant and unaware. I am grateful to have been born to two Scientists and have learnt a lot from them. Particularly my Father who’s brain is like a high-tech machine, he is truly a genius and revolutionary.

However, their path and mine is different. They were able to be the first in their family to attend college and I applaud them but it is not for everyone. I have a few certifications and have spent years in tertiary education, which I am grateful I have been able to do. But, there is not one path to success. Some of the most successful people attended trade schools, didn’t finish college or took a coding class instead of attending traditional college.

As long as you are giving your all, thriving and headed forward in the direction that you are mean to, I support whatever route you take.

3. There is no age to success.

Both my parents taught me many lessons but my Dad’s words of wisdom have stuck with me when I really needed them. I am grateful to have a Father like him.

I am not sure where I learnt this conditioning of needing to ‘Keep up With The Joneses’ but I used to suffer from it and every time I had a birthday, I would become depressed. Every year, this feeling dissipates more and more but I can say now when the feeling of seeming unaccomplished comes along, I know it is not true. Not because of what I have accomplished but because the need to compete with others, when it is not for fun, is based on a lie.

The lie that looking at what someone else’s life will bring me happiness and joy when happiness is a choice. What I have or haven’t had is meant for me: whether it’s in the form of lessons or materials. I am grateful for everything in my life, including opportunities that I have ‘missed out on’.