I’m totally guilty of being hard on myself. It has gotten better over time but I have an analytical mind and have used this critical way of thinking to progress after moving forward from previous situations, particularly romantic relationships.

However, after this past one, I made a promise to myself to be soft and practice compassion with myself so that I can be present and radiate love. For myself and for others. This practice, just like anything else, requires forgiveness and persistence. I am being challenged by The Universe to rise to the occasion and it has been a wonderful continuous journey.

Here are 4 things that I am learning about healing from a break-up:

1. Giving myself credit is important.

In the past, I have been harsh with myself and in the process have forgotten to give myself credit for all the things that I have done right. As a result of my harshness, I wouldn’t give myself a chance to breathe and absorb what happened in the past because I was so focused on getting my list done. In the process, I forgot to look at what I was doing right, too. Self-support and self-assurance takes away the need to seek it from others, providing a grounded foundation for self-love and acceptance.

2. Growth is a process.

I used to have this notion that growth always meant moving forward. But, sometimes, it means falling, crying, being angry or any other emotion and actions that we may view as weak or negative. Yesterday, I was in a meeting at a coffee shop and a song that my former partner had written about me came on the stereo. I acted fine and ignored it until, later I found myself crying because I hadn’t dealt with how I truly felt the moment that I heard the song. When I was crying, I had memories of the good times and the beautiful music that was created from his expression of love towards me. And then I remembered how it turned out. I asked myself, how we ended up in the position that we had been and it was deeply upsetting. I am human and being human requires accepting imperfections. I am not a robot and not meant to be. I will feel upset about the past and it is okay. This time instead of always needing to be strong, I am accepting that being ‘weak’ and emotional is a part of the process, too.

3. I don’t have to have everything together all the time.

As a former dancer and being surrounded by strong females throughout my life, I have continually felt the pressure to always have everything together, all the time. Which is impossible. So, to defy the law of insanity (doing something the same way and expecting a different result), I am choosing to free myself of this idea. If I end up crying about a situation, it is okay. My world will not come crumbling down, people won’t look at me as weak and, I will not become a bad person if I don’t always put on a face of bravery, positivity and strength. Sometimes the most nourishing thing that we can do is to detach ourselves from the notion that we are meant to be perfect, so that we can make space for others who are imperfect and embrace one another from a kind and compassionate place.