If you keep up to date with my articles, you will know that I recently decided to leave a romantic partner who I believed to be my soulmate. Even though the words are written clearly, it has been a journey that has been anything but clear. It has been a journey filled with happiness, sadness, laughter, tears and heartache. Which is love, right?
And, with love comes it all. I have so much clarity in my decision to leave and am grateful for it all. With clarity, comes lessons and hindsight.
Looking back, this is what I wish I would’ve known before my last relationship:
1. Two people cannot be forced together, no matter how much they love each other.
This man and I live very different lives. I am in health and wellness; he is in entertainment. When we began our relationship, I had many doubts but was convinced by love and him that the love is deeper than all of the differences. What I have learnt is that the career path that people choose to be on has an effect on their lives. It made me uneasy to see women with hardly any clothing and in a sexual light on his Instagram page and in his videos which can never be erased from my memory and made me question if he really sees women as equal or as pawns to make money off of. The answer to that question is between him and God but, what I know is that the man that I want as a partner is someone who values woman’s intelligence as much as their physical attributes. Not just for me but for him and all the people who look up to him.
2. Pain is inevitable.
When we think about running towards pain, it seems like a masochistic concept. ‘Who would willingly put themselves through pain to grow?, we ask. Clearly no one who is sane! But with anything worthy, comes pain and difficulty. Through this pain we gain so much. We gain strength, internal transformation, internal growth and so much more. Pain is a part of the process, so why not embrace it? Embrace the ugly with the good because the good makes us happy and the ugly can help us grow.
3. Forgive yourself.
This has been one of the most difficult situations to be in. And, I have questioned many times if I was making the right decision while I made them and after I made. I forget this sometimes but, I am human. With the human-being experience comes mistakes and things that we wish we could’ve done better. Truthfully, I feel like a made a mistake by ever thinking that a DJ/Producer could love me the way that I deserve to be loved; not because of his profession but what comes with it. The girls, the drugs and the toxicity are not a part of my life and I don’t want to be with anyone who has these things in their life.
Whenever I think about it too hard, I choose forgiveness. I forgive myself for opening my heart because although our hearts are always meant to be open, it is my job to protect how much I love someone who treats my love as waste rather than something valuable and worthy.
4. Forgive them.
I am still on this journey and it will continue until I can be at peace when I see his name or a picture of him. A process that is ongoing.
Honestly, I am finding it very difficult to forgive him but just because it is difficult, it does not mean that I give up. Forgiveness requires strength, inner-strength like nothing else. To be able to look at someone who has hurt you and still be at peace is not for the weak or faint-hearted, it is for the strong. Strength doesn’t happen overnight, it requires our willingness and participation.
I look forward to the day that I can see him and be at peace until then, I will continue on my journey of forgiveness.