4 Things I have learnt about myself, in the process of healing from my past relationship.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

When I decided to end my last relationship, I had never been so sure of an end of a relationship as much as I was of this one. In other relationships, I still had some form of trust in the other person. Which took some convincing to leave.

However, my last relationship, the trust was completely destroyed and when you don’t have trust in a relationship, you have nothing. In the complete switching up of this partnership, I learnt some of the best things about myself. 

Here are 4 of them:

1. I am worth of a healthy relationship

Before leaving this relationship, I never fully grasped that I was worthy of a healthy relationship. I would say it but didn’t fully know it. I am not blaming movies but seeing how romance plays out on screen has affected our society. Many of us think that love is manipulation and tactics disguised behind work. In our efforts to hold on to people and control, we forget that love is pure. Love should be pure and if we have to manipulate someone to love us; that is not love- it is control. Just like health, that is pure too, love should feel good. And, all of us are worthy of relationships that feel good. 

2. Relationships don’t change people. People change themselves

The man who I was in a relationship with, has been known to be a Bad Boy in The Music Industry. I am not attracted to bad boys usually; however, in this case, I thought that I could have an effect on him (he convinced me that he wanted to be a better person for me and what we had). I forgot that if someone is afraid of commitment, their issues are bigger than who I am because I am not the cause; their past is. Until they decide to heal and make an effort to do so, I have no business being with them because I will only sacrifice myself and all of the previous time that I have spent doing the work to be met with disappointment and manipulation. Which, is what happened. A healthy relationship is made up of two people who are trying to better themselves, not just one. ‘Better’ does not mean materials or status but it means growing into your authentic power without needing external validation to know your worth.

3. Romance is not the foundation of a healthy relationship, respect is. 

When it comes to romance, my former partner wins the gold trophy. However, romance does not maintain a relationship, respect does. There are only so many words that can be said to make up for lack of actions. If someone’s actions do not equate to what they say about you, they are manipulating you. Respect is portrayed in what we say, how we say and what we do, too. 

4. Be in it for you. 

Towards the end my relationship, I was in it for him and not me. I had gotten to the point that I felt like if I left, the backlash that I would feel was way worse than me leaving. He would do anything in his power to win me back- I was afraid of this. It is not dramatic and I was not being abused. However, I had created a pattern of self-sacrifice in this relationship that led me to feel as though I had to continually give. I gave so much that it felt heavy and it tired me out. Giving this much became a serious burden, one that I had to rid myself of. Leaving this relationship is one of the best things that I have ever done because I did it for me, my health and my future.