After having published the first version of this, I received great feedback and decided to elaborate a little more on what I learned from dating narcissistic personalities.

I am not a psychologist, therefore, I cannot diagnose anyone. However, I have done my own healing, learned a lot about narcissism and do believe that I have dated my fair share of narcissists as I didn’t have the courage to put up boundaries to them. I also (from what I believe) was raised by one and when you have a narcissistic relationship with a parent, you are more susceptible to have romantic relationships with them, too.

I am very glad that I broke that cycle; however, I did learn a lot when I would attract and entertain these types of relationships.

Here are 3 more things that I learned from dating narcissistic personalities:

1. They tell you what you want to hear, this is also known as love-bombing.

I have experienced this in a few relationships; however, one example of this really stood out to me. I was in a relationship with someone who would love-bomb me to the point that I would feel trapped. It didn’t help that he was a celebrity and had the financial means to stalk me, obsess over me and wear me down.

I don’t want to sound like a victim because I know that I am not the one to play with. But, the love-bombing phase of a narcissist is nothing to play around with. It’s almost like they put you under a spell to make you think that there is no one else for them or you and that your connection is fated. So, they have to make it happen at all costs.

In this former relationship, I was bombarded with gifts, songs about our love and when I decided to leave, I was guilted that the reason why he was doing badly was all my fault. You see, narcissistic personalities will blame you for how they feel and not take responsibility for when they mess up or are in the wrong.

Thankfully, I had been through enough of these types of relationships to know that the love-bombing was not enough to build a solid foundation on. And, I left. I got tired of the grandiose actions that lacked intimacy and even though he told me I was special, my intuition said otherwise about the way he felt about me.

And, as it turns out I was right. Nine months after we broke up, he welcomed a child (with another woman) into the world. I’m not sure if they have a genuine connection or not and it’s not my place to say; however, I know that if he had a real connection with me and felt the relationship was worth fighting for, like he claimed, he would not be getting other women pregnant.

2. They often obsess over you.

Like I mentioned before, I have had my fair share of these relationships. And, one common trait is that all of my former narcissistic exes have physically stalked me and wanted to see if I was really faithful when we were together.

The reason for this (I believe) is that it is in a narcissist’s nature to want power. Like many therapists and psychiatrists say, most people with personality disorders want external power and control. And, stalking is an extension of this.

An example of this was when I was in my early-twenties and had broken off a relationship with a man that I had been seeing, I also quit drinking and starting doing a lot of yoga to practice healthier ways of living. However, once I started to create distance between he and I, he would stalk me. He would show up at my job on my birthday and I would catch him walking past where I worked every now and then. Even though he lived on the other side of Manhattan.

When I confronted him, he would disappear. This is also a common trait amongst narcissistic relationships: when you ask for a boundary, they break it and then either disappear or turn it on you. As I have gotten older, I am not the one who can be turned around on so the former has been done to me.

I am glad that I went through this because now I know for sure that it is inappropriate to obsess over and stalk someone that you claim to love or even like.

3. They will create their own version of reality.

As I had been raised by someone who would gaslight me and create a different version of reality, I suffered from cognitive dissonance. When I was in my early 20s, I went back to therapy as an adult and was blessed with an amazing therapist. He specialized in cognitive therapy. It helped me stay present and deal with logic.

I believe that because I had gone to therapy, this was the one way that I could see through the game of all my former narcissistic partners because when they would gaslight me, lie to me or manipulate me, I could feel it in my body or just know that their version was not what happened.

An example of this was when I had an on-again and off-again boyfriend (which is common in these situations) and when we broke up, he would threaten break-ups if I confronted him about something. This is also a red flag as when one has a valid concern in a relationship, they should feel at least heard and not as though they are the problem.

When you have an issue with a narcissistic personality, there is surface-level communication and most hurdles in the relationship will be thrown at you and not overcome together- as they should be in a healthy relationship.

Not everything that I mentioned here means that you are with a narcissistic personality; however, because I have done the healing, sought professional help and can see things in hindsight, this is my conclusion. If you feel like you attract people who take from you, use you or try to constantly have power over you, I would recommend that you seek professional help with a trusted counselor or therapist.