I have only made peace with one of the schools that I went to recently and, it has taken me many years to do so. I did have some great teachers, yes! But, it didn’t stop me from sometimes feeling like an outcast as a minority in my school- for most of my secondary schooling years.

I went to a British School in South Africa for most of my schooling. And, although it provided me with a lot, I felt confined and as though I was never enough. A lot of it had to do with my heritage. Although I am of mixed heritage, some being British, I identify fully with being South African. The two cultures are very different- as variety of cultures are.

I spent a lot of time being angry at British culture and needing to fit into a particular academic bracket or ‘keep up with The Joneses’, so I ran away from this part of my life after I left High School for a long time. When I moved to America, people would confuse my accent for being British and (at first), I would get angry but now I don’t care.

I have forgiven the negative side of history that Britain has largely contributed to. Which, to me was manifested in what I was taught at School and part of my ancestry.

Here are 3 things that I learnt while attending, and since have left, The British School that I attended:

1. To speak up.

Coming from a politically active family, I was raised to speak up for injustice. A lot of which I would see at This School. We had a teacher who, I believed to be racist and when we would confront The Headmistress (Principal) about it, we were met with phrases like, ‘How do you know?’, ‘Study harder’ or, ‘Give her a reason to like you.’ Although I didn’t agree with what she said, there was nothing else that I could do but listen to her and hope that she was right. What if it worked? What if I could push down that intuitive feeling of being singled out because of my culture and race?

Of course, no matter how much I tried, I was still met with the feeling that I wasn’t good enough and my intuition knew why. I learnt from this experience that I can only speak up and from a place of intuition and truth, everything else is up to the other person.

2. Discrimination is real.

Unfortunately most of us have been raised to be threatened by other people, cultures and races because we fear that they will steal from us. This fear-based thinking creates prejudice against women, people of different races and religions. The thing about discrimination is that it is stifling. For the discriminator, it leaves negativity and for the person who is being discriminated against, it leaves negativity with them too.

One of my most painful memories of being discriminated against was when I 15 and had a huge crush on this boy from our brother school in Johannesburg . He will remain nameless but I was smitten by him. I felt like we had a vibe. We would talk almost everyday and one night, he tried to kiss me but (typical me) my head was in the clouds and I didn’t get what he was trying to do.

The next week, I was in class and after class I mentioned how he had tried to kiss me. One of the girls that I trusted told me that she asked him about me and he said that he would only do physical things to me but would never date me because he is not inclined to date or be seen with a black girl.I felt the biggest punch in my heart and started to feel tears warm my eyes. After that, I promised not to date a man from South Africa again. I was burnt.

It took me a long time to date anyone again because I felt like I couldn’t date anyone or fit in with any demographic because of how I was raised and being from a mixed heritage. It is only until recently that I have healed from situations like this because I have acknowledged that not everyone is racist and those who are, are conditioned that way because of who they are and what they choose to believe in; it has nothing to do with me.

3. Share your stories with those who care ONLY.

I have been through a lot and when I was younger,I would share my stories with everyone because I trusted everyone. Although I kept the stories of experiencing prejudice at schools silent for a long time, years after I started to tell them and noticed who responded in a kind and compassionate way. Some people would ask me to see the positive when I was merely speaking from a place of truth and it infuriated me. I learnt that there are some people who care about our truths and those who don’t care.

Not everyone will care, they don’t have to. However, I choose to surround myself with people who I share a story of how I feel with and allow me to embrace my vulnerable side. People who don’t blame me for my past but trust me to be okay once this situation has passed. People who allow me to be angry at the injustices in The World but support me in transforming that emotion into healing, art, writing and seeing the silver-lining in every situation.

There is a stereotype of an angry black woman and I was so afraid to be that portrayal. I have released this image that has been pushed onto us and know in my heart that all people feel anger, it is okay. As long as we do something about what we are angry about. Emotions have a purpose and so do actions.