self-love

Dear W, everything is perfect.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

Dear W, 


Nothing is wrong. Everything is meant to be exactly the way that it is. 


When I decided to leave, I was angry. I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I felt like I should’ve seen it coming. I asked myself how I could’ve given you a chance? 


Th answer to all these questions is that it was all supposed to happen. Everything is perfect. 


Thank for you for the lessons. In our relationship, I have learnt what true equality means, that money & fame are not everything, that I am enough and worthy of love, I learnt that if anyone makes me feel less-than in a relationship, they are not worth holding onto and, ultimately, I learnt that peace is the most important thing in This World to me. 


Thank you for reminding me that it takes two healthy people to make a relationship work, that if someone tries to make me feel insecure it is an extension of their own insecurities and, that no one is worth chasing after. 


I tried to hate you but hate looks ugly on me. I choose freedom and in that freedom, I forgive you. 


In the words of Maya Angelou, ‘Forgiveness means, I am done with you.’- mentally, physically and spiritually.

4 things that I will never do again in a relationship.

We've all been there. Been in a relationship where we have woken up one day and wondered what happened and how we ended up there. 

 

Ended up being in a relationship with someone that we don't like and who doesn't like us. I am a firm-believer in learning from every situation and whether the fault was mine or someone else's, this is what I have learnt from the mistakes made in my past relationships:

 

1. Do not settle

Truth be told, none of my exes were people that I truly wanted to be with even though all of them are genuinely good people, I found myself settling for behaviour and characteristics that I didn't like because I just wanted to be in a relationship. The biggest problem with settling is that you never feel like your relationship is worth being with because deep-down you know and feel that you can do better. 

 

2. State truly what I want from the beginning. 

I have had my fair share of relationships where a lot of things were in the grey area. I didn't want a label, I didn't want to tell them that it hurt me when they didn't call me back or I was afraid of telling them that I wanted to be the only female in the picture. Because of my fear, I only ended up ending relationships way longer than they should've ended. While I appreciate the memories, it sometimes upsets me to think of how much time I wasted on something that wasn't working. 

 

3. Next time, I will believe my partner when they describe themselves to me.

In my past relationships, I would deny when a partner told me that they were a certain way. For example, if one of my exes told me that they were not over their ex, bad with time or don't want to be in a relationship, I will believe them. I formerly used  to think that if a man told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship, it was because he wasn't into me so I would try to be the best 'girlfriend' material so that they would have to love me- which was untrue. When someone says that they are not ready for a relationship, believe them, let them go and find someone who is ready to be in a relationship. It will make being in a relationship easier than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one to being with. 

 

4. Put up with games

Loosely phrasing a biblical quote, as you get older, it's time to put away childish things. Meaning that if I like someone, I will welcome them whole-heartedly into my life and if someone that I like doesn't call or text me back, I will move on. There are enough challenges in life to not need to have extra ones in your relationships that are based on immature behaviour.

'Failure is another steppingstone to greatness' Oprah Winfrey

7 reasons to love yourself.

I have a confession to make: loving myself has rarely come easily to me. So I made a list of reasons why I should love myself. I wanted share it because I think you should too:

1. Love yourself because there's no one else who has your smile.

2. Love yourself because there's no one else who has your laugh.

3. Love yourself because wishing to be someone else is a sentence of misery and exhaustion. Regardless of where you may go or what you do, you will be who you are for the rest of your life.

4. Love yourself because it isn't up to others to love you; it's a blessing when they do love you. When you love yourself, you allow yourself to let go of the expectation of others to do so.

5. Love yourself because you've been blessed with the skin you're in, so wear it comfortably.

6. Love yourself because while people come in and out of your life, you will always remain.

7. Love yourself because life becomes easier when you work with what you have.