I just turned 31 years old and contrary to what I had thought when I was younger, my life has turned out amazingly and I am forever grateful. I have previously mentioned how I thought that having kids and being a wife has been a priority; however, the universe has sent me lessons to teach me that it is not my ultimate success. Being a parent and partner is wonderful, yes. But, I had to learn that I need to fulfill myself instead of playing a role to prove my worthiness.

Since I was 12 or a little younger, I have always known that I want to be a Mother. I dreamt of having 6 kids and people would joke that I should marry an accountant, I kept that in the back of my mind and when I started dating, I only dated men who were successful so that I could fulfill my dream. The more that I mentioned my wish of having a bunch of children, the more that I would get jaded with other people’s projections about what my future should look like.

These projections clouded my dating life because instead of looking for a partner, I was searching for someone in my life who looked good on paper- forgetting that the person that I want to be with, is an extension of happiness and joy.

Here are 3 things that dating in my 20s has taught me:

1. I don’t have to be a wife to be happy.

I come from a family of divorce and, although every family has it’s issues, there is something that happens to children of divorce that is unique. I went through two phases of approaching family life:I don’t need a partner to have kids and, I need to marry the perfect person so that my marriage doesn’t crumble apart. This pressure I used to carry deeply and would seek out partners who seemed perfect on paper- even if they weren’t emotionally or physically available because I had developed a belief that money and structure keeps a family together.

Yes, the number one reason for divorce is money; however, there is no union between two people if there is no respect, kindness and love for one another.

2. I choose me.

I just let go of a situation with a wonderful guy. He is a beautiful person inside and out; however, he is not emotionally or physically available to give me what I want. When I was younger, I felt like I had to be a martyr and to sacrifice my blood and sweat. I had these beliefs that a woman should give more than a man and, that to be the perfect potential wife, I shouldn’t voice or express my concerns.

I could spend my time blaming society and why I developed these belief systems in the first place. However, it is my life and I need to take responsibility for what I want in it. I want and deserve a partner who is ready and able to commit so it is up to me to create boundaries so that this is is feasible.

3. I can always say no.

Honestly, I have gotten into some relationships that lasted way longer than they should have because I was too afraid of being the one to say no. In the back of my head, I would always wonder if I regret saying yes. I have felt a continual thread of needing to be optimistic always, even if it is at my expense.

Especially as a yoga teacher and wellness professional, we spend a lot of time focusing on yes. However, we forget to emphasize the importance of sometimes saying no. Nothing is black&white and, everyone’s life experience is different. However, none of us should feel forced to say something that is false for fear of not getting what we want. I have learnt and firmly believe that everything that is for me, will find me. If I work hard enough, love enough and give my all, I have done everything that I can. I am allowed to create boundaries and take care of my well-being and sometimes that means saying no.