relationships

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)

Image de Unsplash

Image de Unsplash

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)



Nous avons essayé et avons donné tout ce que nous pouvions, mais la seule chose qui nous a été révélée, c'est qu'être dans une relation amoureuse n'est pas pour nous.

Merci de m'avoir montré beaucoup de choses: comment aimer avec passion, ne jamais abandonner, être plus aimant, voir les choses sous un angle différent, et cette romance est bien vivante.

Vous ferez un bon partenaire pour quelqu'un. Cependant, je ne suis pas cette personne. Parce que si j’étais, ce ne serait pas si difficile d’être avec toi.

Il a été difficile de comprendre et de comprendre cette notion: comment je peux aimer si profondément quelqu'un que je crois être mon âme soeur, mais nous ne pouvons jamais nous confronter à l'essentiel. C'est pourquoi j'ai passé tant de temps à vous fâcher. Cependant, j'ai abandonné cette colère et vous ai ouvert mon cœur et ma vie en tant que cher ami que vous avez toujours été pour moi.

Que vous souhaitiez être mon ami ou non, c’est votre décision, mais sachez que je n’ai aucune animosité ni colère envers vous, je veux seulement que nous soyons en paix et que nous soyons meilleurs. Cela n’a pas fonctionné les uns avec les autres, alors faisons-le avec les autres. Cependant, vous avez besoin de mon soutien, je suis ici. En tant qu'ami, pas partenaire.

J'ai toujours beaucoup d'amour pour toi et je ne peux pas te reprocher d'être ce que tu es ou de ne pas pouvoir m'aimer de la manière dont je veux être aimé. Parce que le blâme est une perte de temps, d’émotions et d’énergie.

Je suis désolé d’être si énervé et amer à propos de qui vous êtes. Je ne veux pas vous changer ni que vous soyez quelqu'un d'autre que vous. Vous méritez un excellent partenaire qui vous aime tel que vous êtes et moi aussi.

Je t'aime,

Hali.

Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Isitombe se-Unsplash

Isitombe se-Unsplash

Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Usesimweni somuntu onginikeza isikhala kuye njengoba engimnika khona.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Uyakuqonda okwenzeka kowesifazane empilweni, njengoba nje nami ngikuqonda okwenzeka kowesilisa.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Uyiveza kahle imingcele yenhlonipho ayifunayo ngaphandle kokuba nonya noma ukuba nokhahlo.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Ukholelwa ukuthi enginakho okuhlukile engingamnika kona futhi uyaqhubeka nokubuya abuyele kulokho okukhethekile.



Nginethemba lokuthi ngizothola uthando lwangempela nenhlonipho.

Ukhule ngokwanele ukuthi aqonde ukuthi isikhala esithile asisho ibanga, angavumela ukukhula nothando kuthande.

Izindlela eziyi-12 uthando ezichaza ngazo ukuthi ziyini.

Isitombe se-Unsplash

Isitombe se-Unsplash

Njengoba uSadghuru esho, 'Uthando akuyona into oyenzayo, yinto oyilo'.

Uthando lungachazwa njengezinto eziningi ezahlukene kepha lunenzondo, luziphindiselela nolunolunya akuyona enye yalezo zinto ezingase ziqambe. Kwesinye isikhathi lapho sithanda umuntu, sikhohlwa ukuthi luyini uthando futhi sibanjwa yizinto zokunganaki kanye nezimpi ngenxa yokulimala kwethu, izinqumo kanye nemibono yamafu edlule.

Ngakho-ke, ngavela nohlu lwezinqumo eziyi-12 zokuthi uthando luzothini uma uthando lukhuluma.

Uthando luthi:

1. Ngimsulwa

2. Uyangifanela.

3. Angisiwo umncintiswano.

4. Angenzi imisebenzi elingana, imali, izihloko, isisindo nokuphepha.

5. Ngidinga umsebenzi.

6. Okungijabulisa kakhulu kimi, okungaphakathi kuwe.

7. Ngingamandla amakhulu emhlabeni.

8. Noma abanye abantu bemelana nami, ngihlala nginqoba.

9. Ngiphilisa futhi ngihlanganise abantu, ngenkululeko yokuzikhethela.

10. Uma ufuna ukungamukela ngeqiniso, kufanele uthembeke kuwe.

11. Angidingi ukubuswa noma ukuphathwa.

12. Ukukhwabanisa mina nezinto ezimbili ezihluke kakhulu.

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. A post break-up affirmation.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is in the form of someone who takes responsibility for his actions. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has grown enough, emotionally, to not blame me for what he is going through in his life. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has a positive approach to life. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has evolved from a boy into a man. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will remind me that everything I went through was for a reason. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will continue to motivate me and lift me up, as I will do for him. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He understands that sometimes love means being stronger, kind and more loving towards the people that he loves

I have hope that I will find true love and respect- 8/14/2019

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

I have hope that I will find true love and respect because regardless of what I have been told about relationships, I believe in faithfulness and stability. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

Someone who allows me to shine as much as they are willing to shine, too. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be in the form of someone kind and patient. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

Someone who understands that vulnerability is strength, too. 


I have hope that I will true love and respect. 

He will listen to my concerns (when I have them) and not doubt them. For what festers in the dark, will always come to light. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

Someone who believes in two whole and secure people being together, out of choice. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be able to stand by side in silence; yet I will always know where his heart lies. 


I have hope that I will true love and respect. 

Someone who works everyday to raise their vibrations and stay in positivity- as much as I do, too. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be secure in the fact that I come home to him every night and choose him, over and over again. 

Dear W, everything is perfect.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

Dear W, 


Nothing is wrong. Everything is meant to be exactly the way that it is. 


When I decided to leave, I was angry. I was pissed. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt. I felt like I should’ve seen it coming. I asked myself how I could’ve given you a chance? 


Th answer to all these questions is that it was all supposed to happen. Everything is perfect. 


Thank for you for the lessons. In our relationship, I have learnt what true equality means, that money & fame are not everything, that I am enough and worthy of love, I learnt that if anyone makes me feel less-than in a relationship, they are not worth holding onto and, ultimately, I learnt that peace is the most important thing in This World to me. 


Thank you for reminding me that it takes two healthy people to make a relationship work, that if someone tries to make me feel insecure it is an extension of their own insecurities and, that no one is worth chasing after. 


I tried to hate you but hate looks ugly on me. I choose freedom and in that freedom, I forgive you. 


In the words of Maya Angelou, ‘Forgiveness means, I am done with you.’- mentally, physically and spiritually.

How I will apply The 12 Laws of Karma to my dating life, relationships and partnerships.

Image by Unsplash

Image by Unsplash

I have never been so happy to be single. I used to have this idea that being single meant waiting for ‘the one’. But, at this moment in my life, being single (to me) means being in love with and appreciating myself. Some may call this self-conceited; however, to be able to truly invest in others, we must have invested in ourselves, first. 


Relationships, including the ones with ourselves, require investment, time and respect. All of which, we cannot give to others if we haven’t given them to ourselves. 


With that being said, moving forward, I will apply The 12 Laws of Karma to dating, relationships with family &friends and future life partnerships: 


•The Great Law. Whatever we put into The Universe will come back to us. 


If we are clear, sincere, loving and respectful with our intentions, then (most likely) so will others around us. 


•The law of humility. One must accept something to change it. 


Red flags about someone’s behaviour don’t just disappear over time, I must accept them and decide to continue the relationship or not. 


 •The law of responsibility. We must take responsibility for what is in our lives. 


Being in a dysfunctional relationship or in a relationship with someone who continues to disrespect me is a reflection of what I think about myself. If I believe that I am worthy of respect, then I won’t accept or tolerate disrespect. 

 

The law of here and now. We cannot be looking present if we are looking backwards. 


Whoever and whatever moves with us to the future is our choice. If I am holding onto baggage, that baggage is coming with me. If I truly want to let go of a former partner or someone who hurt me, I need to forgive them and move on with my life.


• The law of patience and reward. The most valuable rewards require persistence. 


Relationships are about daily commitment and effort; not jumping to the future. 


• The law of creation. Life does not happen, we have to make it happen. 


Just like a flower or tree, relationships require nurturing, patience and love to grow. 


• The law of growth. When we change ourselves, our lives change too. 


Love and respect comes from within. There is no need for me to desperately seek it from someone else. 


• The law of connection. The past, present and future all connected. 


Today is the beginning of my future. How I treat others and allow others to treat me will have an impact on our relationship and how we connect in the long term. 


• The law of giving and hospitality. Our behaviour should match our thoughts and actions. 


If I love someone, my actions and words should embody this. Love is kind, patient and respectful, my words and actions should be so, too. 


• The law of change. History repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path. 


If I spend my life on someone who I have already tried to be with but it didn’t work out with, I am missing out on a World of opportunities. I deserve to give myself the most of the present and the future by letting who I have been with before, go. 


• The law of significance and inspiration. Rewards are a direct result of the energy and effort that we put into it. 


If I believe in a relationship, I will give it a hundred percent. Giving many different people a part of me sets future relationships up for failure because I am not being fully present in each of them. If I believe in a future with someone, I will give it my all. 



I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

Image by Unsplash

Image by Unsplash

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will be in the form of someone who can let go of his pride. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will understand that love isn’t a game because in games, there is always a loser. However, in love, people should lift each other up. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

I believe now more than ever that I am worthy of it. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He will see me as an equal: not biologically, financially, materialistically or emotionally. But I am his equal with respect, consideration and kindness. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He will mess up because he is human. But when he does, he will apologize- just as I will do the same. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has laid the childish games and toys to rest and is ready to create a kingdom (with me) that thrives. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He respects my space and time enough to let go of the need to be what society says a man should be. He treats women with respect. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He respects himself, first, and can therefore respect others as well. He understands respect is not given but earned. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. He is working, just as hard as I am, to make this World a better place for his children, loved ones and generations to come. 



4 Izinto engifisa sengathi ngabe ngazi ngaphambi kobudlelwane bami bokugcina.

Isitombe se-Unsplash 

Isitombe se-Unsplash 

Uma uhlale usesikhathini nama-athikili ami, uzokwazi ukuthi ngisanda kunquma ukushiya umngane wami othandana naye engangikholelwa ukuthi ungumphefumulo wami. Ngisho noma amagama alotshiwe ngokucacile, bekulokhu uhambo oluye lwacaca. Kuye uhambo olugcwele injabulo, ukudabuka, ukuhleka, izinyembezi kanye nokukhathazeka. Ngukuphi uthando, kwesokudla?

Futhi, ngothando kuvela konke. Ngicacile kakhulu esinqumweni sami sokuhamba futhi ngibonga ngakho konke. Ngokucacile, kuvela izifundo nokuzihlolisisa.

Uma ngibheka emuva, yilokho engifisa sengathi ngingayazi ngaphambi kobudlelwane bami bokugcina:

1. Abantu ababili abakwazi ukuphoqelelwa ndawonye, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bathandana kangakanani.

Mina kanye nami siphila impilo ehluke kakhulu. Ngimpilo nempilo; usekuzijabulisa. Lapho siqala ubuhlobo bethu, nganginokungabaza okuningi kepha nginothando ngothando nokuthi yena uyathandana kakhulu kunokwesehluko. Lokho engikufundile ukuthi indlela yokuzikhethela abantu abakhetha ukuyobe nayo inethonya empilweni yabo. Kwangenza ngikhathazekile ukubona abesifazane bengenazo izingubo noma ekukhanyeni ngokocansi ekhasini lakhe le-Instagram nakwamanye amavidiyo angasoze asuswa ememori yami futhi wangenza umbuzo uma ebona abesifazane besilingana noma njengama-pawn ukuze benze imali of. Impendulo yalo mbuzo iphakathi kwakhe noNkulunkulu kodwa, engikwaziyo ukuthi indoda engiyifunayo njengomlingani umuntu ohlonipha ubuhlakani besifazane njengamakhono abo angokwenyama. Akuyona nje mina kodwa yena nabo bonke abantu ababukeka kuye.

2. Ubuhlungu abukwazi ukugwema.

Uma sicabanga mayelana nokugijima ekubhekaneni nobuhlungu, kubonakala sengathi kungumqondo we-masochistic. 'Ngubani ozozibeka ngokuzithandela ebuhlungu ukuze akhule ?, sibuza. Ngokusobala akekho ohamba kahle! Kodwa nganoma yini efanele, kuza ubuhlungu nobunzima. Ngalesi sifo sithola okuningi. Sithola amandla, izinguquko zangaphakathi, ukukhula kwangaphakathi nokuningi okuningi. Ubuhlungu luyingxenye yenqubo, ngakho kungani ungayitholi? Yamukela umkhuba omubi ngoba okuhle kwenza sijabule futhi kubi kungasisiza sikhule.

3. Zithethelele wena.

Lokhu kuye kwaba yinye yezimo ezinzima kunazo zonke okumele zibe khona. Futhi, ngiye ngazibuza izikhathi eziningi uma ngenza isinqumo esifanele ngenkathi ngenza futhi emva kokukwenzila. Ngikhohlwa lokhu ngezinye izikhathi kodwa, ngingumuntu. Ngokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu kufika amaphutha kanye nezinto esifisa sengathi singenza ngcono. Ngempela, ngizizwa ngenza iphutha ngicabanga ukuthi i-DJ / Umkhiqizi angangithanda ngendlela engifanele ukuba ngithande ngayo; hhayi ngenxa yomsebenzi wakhe kodwa lokho okuza nakho. Amantombazane, izidakamizwa kanye nobuthi akuyona ingxenye yokuphila kwami futhi angifuni ukuba nomuntu onayo lezi zinto empilweni yakhe.

Noma nini lapho ngiyicabanga ngakho kakhulu, ngikhetha intethelelo. Ngizithethelela ngokuvula inhliziyo yami ngoba nakuba izinhliziyo zethu zihlala zihloselwe ukuvuleka, kungumsebenzi wami ukuvikela ukuthi ngithanda kangakanani umuntu othinta uthando lwami njengokungcola kunokuba into eyigugu futhi efanelekile.

4. Babathethelele.

Ngisekhona kulolu hambo futhi uzoqhubeka ngize ngibe nokuthula lapho ngibona igama lakhe noma isithombe sakhe. Inqubo eqhubekayo.

Ngokwethembeka, ngithola kunzima ukumthethelela kodwa ngenxa yokuthi kunzima, akusho ukuthi ngiyeka. Ukuthethelela kudinga amandla, amandla angaphakathi njengenoma yini enye. Ukuze ukwazi ukubuka umuntu owenze ubuhlungu futhi aqhubeke enokuthula akuyona eyinhliziyo ebuthakathaka noma eqinekile, kungenxa yokuqina. Amandla akwenzeki ebusuku, kudinga ukuzimisela kwethu nokuhlanganyela.

Ngilangazelela usuku engingambona ngalo futhi ngibe nokuthula kuze kube yileso sikhathi, ngizoqhubeka nohambo lwami lokuthethelela.

4 Things that I have learnt from my recent heartbreak.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

It’s funny how we think we have learnt everything that we need to learn and then along comes something else to teach us something to help us understand ourselves or life better. 


If you are not up to speed with my Twin—flame journey, please read the other articles in our LOVE section so that you can understand what has lead me to this point. The point where I have cut ties with my Twin-flame and do not want a future with him. 


Fortunately, I have decided to be single and date other people- people who appreciate my worth and what I stand for. Being and feeling small is not sustainable and can only last for so long. 


Our story has left me in deep heartache. However, I look at it as a positive. I am walking away with a lot more than I thought that I would. 


This is what I learnt from this heartbreak:


1. Fitting into someone else’s mould of you is stifling. 

My twin flame has a very big personality and can be overbearing. So do I. I am no angel; however, I have learnt to be able to tone it down. In my toning it down, I found myself appeasing him and his needs in our relationship. Forgetting about what I truly want- it can happen so quickly. It started with me allowing small things and turned into allowing too much to go on, happily, having an effect on my self-esteem and my general well-being. 


I learnt that I am meant to be in the mould that I make for myself, not someone else’s. Living a life made up of someone else’s expectations is not truly living because it gives them too much responsibility over your life. 


2. The Twin-Flame relationship is meant to come and change you. Then, be done. 

I was so afraid of losing my Twi—flame because I loved him. Out of this fear, I held on for dear life. I held onto him like he was my life source. The dangerous thing about that was that I allowed him to behave in a way that I wouldn’t anyone else. I did some research on a Twine-flame relationship and found out that, they are meant to come into your life and change you. It is not forever. The thought of that scared me immensely until he hurt me and I was reminded that no one is worth holding on to- especially if they are only around to make you feel badly about who you are and your existence. 


3. Life goes on. 

There is always life after heartache. And, every time that I forget that, I am reminded. Today, I am the happiest that I have ever been because I know that I have given and done all that I could in the relationship. So, I can walk away with a smile on my face. I’m not always smiling. Sometimes I’m sad and hurt - but that is life. Particularly, when you deal with love, it will bring out all of your emotions. Which is okay. I can gladly look forward to my life and the next chapter with the lessons that I learnt and the transformation that has happened inside of me. 


4. Love is work but not anguish

I was in Sephora and a song of my Twin-flame’s came on and, surprisingly, I smiled. I thought of all the fond memories that we had and it warmed my heart. Following that was the memory of how he hurt me. I made a choice to myself to look at this chapter as having worked out exactly the way that it was meant to. I learnt one of the best lessons that I could’ve ever learnt: love is work but not anguish. Towards the end of our relationship, I felt trapped, lonely and sad most of the time. Which is not the way that it should be. Even though love requires work, no one should feel left in the dark. 


I look forward to the days and relationship that I feel the work of love without the agony. I have hope that this relationship is in my future.



4 things that I will never do again in a relationship.

We've all been there. Been in a relationship where we have woken up one day and wondered what happened and how we ended up there. 

 

Ended up being in a relationship with someone that we don't like and who doesn't like us. I am a firm-believer in learning from every situation and whether the fault was mine or someone else's, this is what I have learnt from the mistakes made in my past relationships:

 

1. Do not settle

Truth be told, none of my exes were people that I truly wanted to be with even though all of them are genuinely good people, I found myself settling for behaviour and characteristics that I didn't like because I just wanted to be in a relationship. The biggest problem with settling is that you never feel like your relationship is worth being with because deep-down you know and feel that you can do better. 

 

2. State truly what I want from the beginning. 

I have had my fair share of relationships where a lot of things were in the grey area. I didn't want a label, I didn't want to tell them that it hurt me when they didn't call me back or I was afraid of telling them that I wanted to be the only female in the picture. Because of my fear, I only ended up ending relationships way longer than they should've ended. While I appreciate the memories, it sometimes upsets me to think of how much time I wasted on something that wasn't working. 

 

3. Next time, I will believe my partner when they describe themselves to me.

In my past relationships, I would deny when a partner told me that they were a certain way. For example, if one of my exes told me that they were not over their ex, bad with time or don't want to be in a relationship, I will believe them. I formerly used  to think that if a man told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship, it was because he wasn't into me so I would try to be the best 'girlfriend' material so that they would have to love me- which was untrue. When someone says that they are not ready for a relationship, believe them, let them go and find someone who is ready to be in a relationship. It will make being in a relationship easier than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one to being with. 

 

4. Put up with games

Loosely phrasing a biblical quote, as you get older, it's time to put away childish things. Meaning that if I like someone, I will welcome them whole-heartedly into my life and if someone that I like doesn't call or text me back, I will move on. There are enough challenges in life to not need to have extra ones in your relationships that are based on immature behaviour.

'Failure is another steppingstone to greatness' Oprah Winfrey

4 empowering things that I have learnt from dating

from Getty Images

from Getty Images

I've had a few long term relationships and dated in between them. But only since my last break-up have I been able to understand what I did wrong in them. 

After seeking professional help through therapists and mentors, I was shown why my relationships didn't do well. 

It has empowered me. And, whether you are female or male, I would like you to feel empowered too. Therefore, I would like to share what was revealed to me to you: 



1. Don't sleep with someone before 60 days. 

This may work for some people but it definitely didn't work me. I read Steve Harvey's 'Think like a man, act like a lady' and his rule can be applied to both men and women. He says that we should wait 90 days before having sex with the person that we are dating. I think everyone's time frame may be different; however, we all know that when you sleep with a prospective , it may cloud your judgement at a very critical time: the formative stage. I recommend keeping things simple and sex-free in the beginning of every relationship to find out if you really like someone. 

 

2. Don't make up excuses for someone that you are dating. 

 

There is a clear difference between an excuse and an explanation. If the person that you are dating's behaviour doesn't align with what you think is acceptable, give yourself permission to ask yourself what might happen down the road if that behaviour continues. For example, someone not replying to your texts or not calling when they say they will could be a symptom of a deeper problem and, as a result, probably might happen again. Don't excuse it in the beginning, hoping that they will see the light and change. See the person for who they are not who you want them to be. 

 

3. I don't need to convince someone to be with me. 

I recently made date arrangements with someone who I saw as a potential romantic partner; however, he flaked on our first date twice . I have learnt from my past that, if the other person is not willing to meet me halfway, I will find someone who will. Instead of me allowing him to potentially flake on  me again when I am emotionally and physically invested, I empowered myself by blocking and deleting his number as soon as he flaked the second time.Simply onto the next, nothing personal.

 

4. Love yourself first.

In the dating world, we become afraid to have preferences because I think that we fear not being loved. If you love yourself first, you don't need to fear not getting it back from someone you barely even really know or who isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve. One of my mentors, Iyanla Vanzant says, 'You alone are enough'. If you love yourself, you are able to depend on yourself more than you would someone else and don't really need to depend on others. It may sound isolating but it is very empowering to understand that you are enough for yourself and for someone else and you don't need to desperately cling onto people and relationships that aren't healthy for you to fill a void that you can fill for yourself.