Why do I want to forgive him?

Image from Unsplash

 Why do I want to forgive him?

Because it is not healthy to hold onto anger. I want to forgive him because I am tired of questioning why he hasn't responded or put forward actions, instead of merely talking. I want to forgive him because I am tired of feeling rejected and he doesn't have as much power in my life as I have previously given him.

I want to forgive him because he is not a bad person- merely human and, just like I, he has issues. I want to forgive him because it is the best way to move forward from this. I want to forgive him because I cannot force him to change, I cannot re-write the past and I don't want to. I learnt so much about life and loving, which is even more reason for me to forgive as I am grateful and pleased with the outcome.

I want to forgive him because my next chapter is too promising to be ruined by feelings of bitterness, worry and uncertainty. I want to forgive him because I am certain that I deserve a love that is not heavily burdened by insecurities; that reassures us when we are not sure.

I want to forgive him because I cannot force the truth. It is not forced or jaded. I want to forgive him because he has served his purpose in my life, it may not have been how I wanted it but I am here. I am here to forgive because there is nothing more beneficial.

10 inspirational quotes by Elon Musk

Image by Getty images  

There is nothing more inspirational, to me, than when someone becomes rich by bettering the world. Elon Musk, founder of Tesla, was born in Pretoria, South in 1971. He moved to The U.S.A. to study and has been here ever since. 

He speaks of Tesla as being proof that electric cars can look good too.  

Here are 10 inspirational quotes from Mr. Musk: 

1.’When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favour.’

2. ‘You get paid in direct proportion to the difficulty of problems you solve.’

3. ‘I'm not trying to be anyone's savior. I'm just trying to think about the future and not be sad.’

4. ‘It is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.’

5. ‘When something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.’

6. ‘Any product that needs a manual to work is broken.’

7. ‘Life is too short for long-term grudges.’

8.’ Patience is a virtue, and I’m learning patience. It’s a tough lesson.’

9. ‘Persistence is very important. You should not give up unless you are forced to give up.’

10. ‘It’s OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket.’

11 things that I am sorry for.

image by Getty Images 

When I forgive others, I do so after having forgiven myself. Because I know in my life, I have done things that I am not proud of.

So, here is a list of 11 things that I am sorry for:

1. For being judgemental, at times.

2. For being unapproachable.

3. For giving my ex-boyfriend a reason to call me crazy.

4. For having fed into stereotypes.

5. For not being truthful when I wasn’t interested in someone.

6. For dating two friends at once, twice.

7. For calling myself nasty names.

8. For calling others nasty names.

9. For ever projecting how I feel onto another.

10. For selling myself short.

11. For ever caring what anyone else has said or thought about me.

10 quotes to help you get through tough times.

Image by Getty images  

Tough times can be a chance for you to become a victim or a victor. Our choices during difficult situations can set us up to become better people or weaken us. But, it all starts with the mind. Some days, we have to literally take a step at a time, trusting that we will be okay.

Here are 10 quotes to help you through a difficult situation:

1. ‘You're going to go through tough times - that's life. But I say, 'Nothing happens to you, it happens for you.' See the positive in negative events.’- Joel Osteen

2. ‘If everything was perfect, you would never learn and you would never grow.’ - Beyonce Knowles

3. ‘We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.’ - Maya Angelou

4. ‘Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.’ - Oprah Winfrey

5. ‘The only problem we really have is we think we’re not supposed to have problems! Problems call us to higher level, face & solve them now!’- Tony Robbins.

6. ‘Choose to be optimistic, it feels better’ - The Dalai Lama

7. ‘And I know that I can survive, I walked through fire to save my life.’ - Sia

8. ‘Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.’- Ghandi

9. ‘Ask me to steal, block out, sacrifice, lead, dominate, anything. But it’s not what you ask of me it’s what I ask of myself.’

LeBron James

10. ‘It always seems impossible until it's done.’ - Nelson Mandela

11 things that I’ll never be sorry for

Image by Getty Images

Recently, a colleague bumped into me and somehow my reaction to this was to think that if only I had thought to stand further out of the way, he wouldn't have bumped into me. I found myself saying sorry to someone about something that I shouldn't have been sorry for.

My irrational apology was basically saying, "Sorry for being in the way when I wasn't in the way." I began to question what else I was or had been sorry for, and made a decision to no longer be sorry for the following:

I'm not sorry for:

1. Who I am.

There's a reason why all of us are born as the people we are.

2. For not being a person that someone else wants me to be.

Nobody else can live my life, and there's nothing wrong with living life the way that I want to.

3. For not being perfect.

There's no such thing as perfect.

4. For having an opinion.

We're all allowed to form ideas based on our experiences.

5. For messing up.

Mistakes are inevitable and I have something to learn from them.

6. For loving someone.

My intention is to spread love. Sometimes I get it back and sometimes I don't. Regardless of the outcome, I won't miss out on an opportunity to love someone.

7. For feeling.

Feelings remind me that I am alive.

8. For asking someone to do something.

The worst thing that they can say is no.

9. For forgetting sometimes.

All of us forget, what can we do?

10. For failing or falling.

Both of these actions re-route our journeys and we often end up having acquired more knowledge and wisdom than we had previously thought.

11. For taking my time.

My time belongs to me.

15 more reasons to forgive

Image by Getty Images  

In the words of Nelson Mandela, “Forgiveness liberates the soul, it removes fear. That’s why it’s such a powerful weapon.”

1. I forgive because I want to be free of bitterness.

2. I forgive because there is always a silver-lining, I just need to find it.

3. I forgive because there is a bigger picture.

4. I forgive because love is more important to me.

5. I forgive because peace is more important to me.

6. I forgive because releasing my problems and anger to The Higher Consciousness is stronger than me holding onto it.

7. I forgive because peace relieves my body of anxiety and stress.

8. I forgive because there will be an answer, not on my time but when it is the right time.

9. I forgive because I continue to learn.

10. I forgive because I continue to grow.

11. I forgive because anger has no place in my heart.

12. I forgive because my life is a journey that I would like to happily walk through as much as I can.

13. I forgive because my life is in my hands.

14. I forgive because I am responsible for my own actions.

15. I forgive because life is going on and I want to keep up with it.

4 razones por las que la unidad parece una fantasía en Estados Unidos.

imagen de Getty Images 

Si a alguno de nosotros nos gusta admitirlo o no, hay mucha negatividad, ira y rabia palpables entre nosotros en Estados Unidos. Parece que el presidente actual (y su gabinete cambiante) ha tenido un impacto en nuestra vida diaria.

Como nación, estamos atrapados en el modo de lucha o huida. Listo para atacar a cualquiera que diga algo que no esté de acuerdo con lo que creemos. He vivido en los EE. UU. Durante casi 14 años y hay una clara división entre todos (que viven aquí).

Y, estas son 4 razones por las que:

1. Hablamos más de lo que escuchamos. ¿Alguna vez has notado cómo la gente habla sobre ti cuando intentas decir algo? Siento que ahora, más que nunca, muy pocas personas se escuchan activamente, pero son las primeras en decir algo. El Dalai Lama dice: 'Cuando hablas, solo estás repitiendo lo que sabes. Pero, si escuchas, puedes aprender algo nuevo ". La falta de la escucha nos mantiene atascados en nuestro pensamiento y construye un muro entre nosotros y la persona con la que mantenemos una conversación, porque no nos estamos dando la oportunidad de estar abiertos.

2. Estamos adheridos a las etiquetas. Demócrata. Republicano. Negro. Blanco. Asiático. Gay Derecho. Vegano. Vegetariano. La lista sigue y sigue. No soy anti-etiquetas; Simplemente creo que las etiquetas pueden impedir que escuchemos, amemos y entendamos a alguien que no usa la misma etiqueta que usted. Hace poco recibí un correo electrónico de un profesor de yoga que me dijo que debía obligar a las personas a ser veganas porque soy maestra de yoga. Leer ese correo electrónico me rompió el corazón porque probablemente le está diciendo lo mismo a sus alumnos. ¿Qué pasa si ella tiene una persona no vegana en su clase de yoga y escucha ese comentario? ¿Cómo se sentirá esa persona? Lo más probable es que se sientan aislados, creando una división entre ella y un estudiante. Me entristece cuando veo que esto sucede porque realmente creo que las etiquetas pueden ser limitantes. Sólo gustar a alguien con la misma etiqueta que nosotros es limitado y débil. Hay fuerza en los números, los números aumentan cuando dejamos que las etiquetas se vayan y nos aceptemos por lo que somos y lo que debemos ser.

3. Somos adictos a ser reaccionarios.

Es difícil no ver un tweet molesto, ver un clip de YouTube o encontrarte con alguien que te odia y no decir nada al respecto. No te estoy diciendo que tengas que estar callado y pasar desapercibido. Pero le estoy pidiendo que aprenda a tener una conversación con alguien que lo haya molestado sin que las cosas se salgan de control hasta el punto de no retorno. Las reacciones solo encienden las reacciones en otros; sin embargo, las respuestas maduras permiten que ambas personas se sienten y observen. Honestamente, no siempre lo entiendo bien, pero es por eso que practicamos. Practicamos para que podamos fortalecer el músculo que nos permite tener una conversación a pesar de que estamos molestos; En lugar de volar cosas fuera de proporción.

4. Somos adictos al sensacionalismo.

Esta es una extensión de la tercera razón. Se ha puesto de moda sensacionalizar y hablar sobre lo más escandaloso que ha sucedido. La parte desafortunada de esto es que personas como nuestro presidente, Kanye West y Kardashians han descubierto que esta es la mejor manera de obtener atención. Y, con las redes sociales, la atención es igual al dinero. Que es probablemente la razón por la que dicen estas cosas indignantes en primer lugar. Tomé la decisión de que cuando escuche un comentario que Kanye West ha hecho, ya no voy a escupir algo (por indignación emocional); sin embargo, me sentaré con él y respiraré, sentiré lástima por él porque tiene que llamar la atención de esta manera y seguir adelante con mi vida. Podría seguir molesto por las declaraciones escandalosas de que a la gente le gusta Kanye Westmake mientras él se está relajando en su casa por un valor de millones de dólares, sin dar dos vueltas sobre mí O puedo seguir con mi vida y vivir la vida que merezco. La ira, la indignación, la amargura son emociones de las que quiero separarme, por lo que no hay necesidad de seguir apegándome a ellas.

4 reasons why unity may seem like a fantasy in The USA.

image by Getty Images 

Whether any of us like to admit it or not, there is a lot of negativity, anger and rage palpable between each other in America. It seems like the current President (and his changing cabinet) has had an impact on our daily lives. As a nation, we are stuck in fight-or-flight mode. Ready to attack anyone who says anything that remotely disagrees with what we believe.

I have lived in The USA for almost 14 years and there is clearly a divide between all of (who live here). And, these are 4 reasons why:

1. We talk more than we listen.

Have you ever noticed how people talk over you when you are trying to say something? I feel like now, more than ever, very few people are actively listening to each other but are the first to say something. The Dalai Lama says, ‘When you talk, you are only repeating what you know. But, if you listen, you may learn something new’. The lack of us listening causes us to stay stuck in our thinking and builds a wall between us and the person we are having a conversation with, because we aren’t giving ourselves a chance to be open.

2. We are attached to labels.

Democrat. Republican. Black. White. Asian. Gay. Straight. Vegan. Vegetarian. The list goes on-and-on. I’m not anti-labels; I just think that labels can stop us from hearing, loving and understanding someone who does not wear the same label as you. I recently received an e-mail from a fellow yoga teacher who told me that I need to force people to be vegan because I am a yoga teacher. Reading that e-mail broke my heart because she is probably saying the same to her students. What if she has a non-vegan in her yoga class and hears that commentary? How will that person feel? Most likely they will feel isolated, creating division between her and a student. It saddens me when I see this happen because I truly believe that labels can be limiting. Only liking someone with the same label as us is limiting and weak. There is strength in numbers, numbers increase when we let labels go and accept each other for who we are and who we were meant to be.

3. We are addicted to being reactionary.

It’s hard not to see an upsetting tweet, watch a clip from YouTube or come across someone being hateful and not say anything to them or about it. I’m not telling you that you have to be quiet and go unheard. But, I am asking you to learn to have a conversation with someone who has upset you without things escalating out of control to the point of no return. Reactions only ignite the reactions in others; however, mature responses allow both people to sit back and observe. Honestly, I don’t always get it right but that’s why we practice. We practice so that we can strengthen the muscle that allows us to be able to have a conversation even though we are upset; instead of blowing things out of proportion.

4.  We are addicted to sensationalism.

This is an extension of the third reason. It’s become trendy to sensationalize and talk about the most outrageous thing that has happened. The unfortunate part about this is that people like our President, Kanye West and The Kardashians have figured out that this is the best way to get attention. And, with social media, attention equals money. Which is probably why they say these outrageous things in the first place. I made a decision that when I hear a comment that Kanye West has made, I will no longer spew something out (out of emotional outrage); however, I will sit with it and breathe, feel pity for him that he has to get attention this way and move on with my life. I could continue to be upset by outrageous statements that people like Kanye Westmake while he is chilling in his house worth millions of dollars, not giving two hoots about me OR I can move on with my life and live the life that I deserve. Anger, outrage, bitterness are all emotions that I want to detach myself from so there is no need to keep being attached to them.

22 choses qui vous aideront à vous définir en tant qu'adulte

Image par Getty images

Après vos études secondaires, personne ne vous prévient de la folie qui nous attend: factures, loyers, travail et chagrin. Nous pouvons parfois oublier les petites choses auxquelles les adultes sont censés prêter attention, se concentrer et se faire pour le bien de l'humanité.

VOICI UNE LISTE SIMPLE POUR VOUS AIDER À ÊTRE UN ADULTE:

1. ÊTRE INTENTIONNELLEMENT GENRE ET NON UN TAPIS DE PORTE.

2. Lève-toi pour toi.

3. SOURIRE CHEZ QUELQU’UN, AU MOINS UNE FOIS PAR JOUR.

4. Dites à vos proches que vous les aimez.

5. RECONNAISSEZ QUE VOUS AVEZ FAIT UNE ERREUR OU QUE VOUS ÊTES EN MAUVAIS.

6. VOYAGE!

7. FÉLICITEZ UNE AUTRE PERSONNE UNE FOIS PAR JOUR POUR AVOIR OBTENU QUELQUE CHOSE.

8. DÉPLACEZ VOTRE CORPS AU MOINS 4 FOIS PAR SEMAINE.

9. ARRÊTEZ DE PLAIGNER!

10. ARRÊTEZ D'AVOIR DES MOTIFS ULTÉRIEURS.

11. PENSEZ AUX AUTRES, AU LIEU DE VOUS-MÊME.

12. NE PRENEZ PAS TOUT CE QUI EST PERSONNELLEMENT ET GRAVEMENT.

13. APPRENEZ À DITES NON, LORSQUE APPROPRIÉ.

14. APPRENEZ À DITES OUI LORSQUE APPROPRIÉ.

15. AIDER UN ÉTRANGER SANS ATTENDRE QUELQUE CHOSE DE RETOUR.

16. ARRÊTE DE JOUER AUX JEUX.

17. DONNER EN PREMIER! NE PAS ATTENDRE QUE QUELQU'UN D'AUTRE SOIT À VOUS DONNER D'ABORD.

18. Baissez votre garde.

19. AMOUR ET HUG QUELQU'UN.

20. RIRE À VOUS-MÊME.

21. ACCEPTER ET VOIR LES PERSONNES QUI SONT.

22. AIMEZ-VOUS.

The 22 things you need to do to be an adult properly.

Image by Getty Images 

After you graduate high school, no one warns you of the craziness that lies ahead: Bills , rent, work and heartbreak. We can sometimes forget the little things that adults are meant to pay attention to, focus on and do ourselves for the sake of humanity.

Here is a simple list to help you be an adult:

1. Be intentionally kind, not a doormat.

2. Stand up for yourself.

3. Smile at someone, at least once-a-day.

4. Tell your loved ones that you love them.

5. Acknowledge when you made a mistake or are in the wrong.

6. Travel!

7. Congratulate another person once-a-day for achieving something.

8. Move your body at least 4 times a week.

9. Stop complaining!

10. Stop having ulterior motives.

11. Think about others, instead of just yourself.

12. Don’t take everything so personally and seriously.

13. Learn to say no, when appropriate.

14. Learn to say yes, when appropriate.

15. Help out a stranger without expectating something back in return.

16. Stop playing games.

17. Give first! Don’t wait for someone else to give to you first.

18. Let your guard down.

19. Love and hug someone.

20. Laugh at yourself.

21. Accept and see people for who they are.

22. Love yourself.

Esikhundleni se-skinny, ngifuna ukuba yizinto ezi-10

isithombe ngemifanekiso ye-getty

Ngiphambilini ngichitha isikhathi esiningi ngifisa ukuba mnandi ukuthi ngiyazi ukuthi ukuchitha isikhathi kuyini. Nginele ngokwanele kulesikhumba. Ukuphefumula, okukwaziyo nokuphilile. Ngakho-ke, manje, Kunalokho uma i-skinny, ngifuna ukuba lokhu okulandelayo:

1. Unempilo

2. Strong

3. Iyakwazi

4. Uhlobo

5. Umdlali

6. U-Victor-noma

7. Umsindisi

8. Ukukhathazeka

9. Uzwela

Buka Kufakiwe 10 Loving

Instead of skinny, I want to be these 10 things.

Image by getty Images  

I have previously spent so much time wanting to be skinny that I know what a waste of time it is. I am enough in this skin. Breathing, able and healthy. So, now, Instead if skinny, I want to be the following:

1. Healthy

2. Strong

3. Able

4. Kind

5. A Champion

6. A Victor-or

7. A Survivor

8. Passionate

9. Compassionate

10. Loving 

4 things I have learnt while chasing my dreams

Image by Getty images  

After nearly a decade of being in love with yoga, I made a courageous decision. I decided that I wanted to become a yoga teacher. I thought,how hard could it be? It's just talking.

As with almost anything that requires commitment, there's a honeymoon phase, followed by the phase when things don't look so bright and you wonder why you were ever there to begin with.

After having gone through this recently, I made a list for those who will chase or are chasing a dream:

1. Remember that it's meant to challenge you.

Growth doesn't happen by living in stability, comfort or ease. The only way that growth can occur within you is if you can find something that challenges you, and work through it. You may feel overwhelmed by challenge at some point, but the reward of achieving your dream is way more fulfilling than never going after what you want to achieve at all.

2. Be careful who you ask for advice.

While chasing your dream you'll get to a point where you want to give up. You'll question the cause of your dream and question whether you should continue. During this time, be cautious with where you seek advice. Unless someone can relate to what you are going through, don't ask for counsel! Find wisdom from those who are encouraging of your dream, and who understand what it means to you.

3. Believe in yourself.

The only way you'll be able to follow through with your commitment to your dream is by believing that you can do it. Others can tell you that you're capable; however, their opinion only goes so far if you don't believe that you are capable yourself. In addition, if you believe in yourself, when others doubt you it isn't worth being concerned about because you have found faith in yourself, and that's all that matters.

4. Be open to failure and rejection.

It takes a lot of courage to give everything that you have to a goal when it might be criticized, judged or rejected. There is a big possibility that you will give everything that you have only to have a failure slapped in your face. Many see failure as an ending, when it could be a beginning of another journey that leads to your dream.

5. Start trying today.

In a year, you'll wish that you'd started today what you hope to achieve. If you don't try today, how will you feel in a year? Time passes quicker than we can sometimes grasp, and today will eventually lead to the following year. Don't just sit around and think about what you want; do it!

10 powerful quotes by Marianne Williamson

Sourced via Goodreads and Google 

Marianne Williamson is the author of ‘A return to love’ which has broken spiritual territory. She was born on the 8th of July in 1952. She has published 12 books.

Here are 10 powerful quotes from her:

1. ‘Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.’

2. ‘The first step in forgiveness is the willingness to forgive.’

3. ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.’

4. ‘Who are we not to be?’

5. ‘Each of us has a unique part to play in healing the world’

6. ‘Children are happy because they don't have a file in their minds called "All the Things That Could Go Wrong.”’

7. ‘And no one will listen to us until we listen to ourselves’

8. ‘The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.’

9. ‘There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.’

10. ‘Success means we go to sleep at night knowing that our talents and abilities were used in a way that served others.’

3 choses que j'ai apprises et que j'apprends encore en tant que femme patronne.

Image par des Getty Images 

Le week-end dernier, alors que je voyais Serena Williams s'énerver après avoir été réprimandée par l’arbitre à cause de son «coup de colère», cela m'a fait réfléchir. Cela m'a fait penser aux différentes manières dont j'ai, et parfois encore, vécu le sexisme en tant que leader sur le lieu de travail. C'est ce que j'apprends constamment dans le monde des affaires à travers le regard d'une femme:

1. défiant les étiquettes

Quand j'étais petite, mon père me disait que le monde me verrait comme une fille noire mais que je ne devrais pas m'attacher à ces étiquettes. Il m'a dit que le seul label que je devrais porter est mon nom. Il a expliqué que si je portais le label «féminin» et «noir», cela pourrait me décevoir parce que l’histoire a mis la barre basse pour nous. Je suis très fier d'être une femme noire; Cependant, l’histoire nous a montré que les femmes noires ont moins de chances de «réussir» dans ce monde. Je dois constamment me rappeler que je mérite aussi une chance de réussir, peu importe d'où je viens ou à quoi je ressemble.

2. Boss en haut!

À 20 ans, on m'a offert un poste de gestion dans un café du Lower East Side à New York, mon procureur avait 10 ans de plus que moi et mes employés avaient 10 ans de plus que moi. C'était une position difficile d'être. J'ai été appelé toutes sortes de noms, assermenté, menacé et crié presque tous les jours mais je suis resté fort. Je savais que je devais apprendre à être dur alors ou je continuerais à vivre ma vie en profitant. Je l'ai vu comme ça, j'aurais pu soit laisser les gens marcher sur moi ou être ferme et défendre mon objectif ultime parce que l'objectif était plus grand que nous.

3. Beaucoup de personnes auront un problème à travailler pour les femmes, faites-le!

Le sexisme, tout comme le racisme, est bien vivant. Et quiconque dit que ce n’est pas le cas n’est pas concerné. De gestionnaire à propriétaire d'entreprise, je vois à quel point mes collègues masculins sont traités différemment. Quand je suis assertive, je suis «sur mes règles» ou un autre mot commençant par B. J'ai siégé à des réunions où j'étais la seule femme et demandé hardiment: «Si j'avais froid parce que mes mamelons sont pointus». Il est clair que les rôles de genre se manifestent au bureau et c’est à nous de leur prouver le contraire. Certaines personnes peuvent avoir du mal à travailler pour moi parce que je suis une femme mais que cela les reflète et que tout ce que je peux faire, c'est progresser sur la voie du succès.

The 3 things that I have learnt and am still learning as a female boss.

Image by Getty images  

This past weekend as I watched Serena Williams become upset about being reprimanded by the referee due to her ‘tantrum throwing’, it made me think. It made me think of the different ways that I have, and sometimes still, experience sexism in the workplace as a leader.

This is what I am constantly learning in the world of business through the eyes of a woman:

1. Defying labels.

When I was a young girl, my dad would tell me that the world will see me as a black girl but that I shouldn’t attach myself to those labels. He told me that the only label that I should wear is my name. He explained that if I wore the label as a ‘female’ and ‘black’, it might bring me down because history has set the bar low for us. I am very proud to be a black female; however, history has shown us that black females have less of a  chance to ‘succeed’ in this world. I have to constantly remind myself that I, also, deserve a chance to succeed regardless of where I come from or what I look like.

2. Boss up!

When I was 20, I was offered a management position of a café in The Lower East Side of New York, my proceeder was 10 years older than I, and my employees were also 10 years older than I was. It was a tough position to be in. I was called all kinds of names, sworn at, threatened and shouted at almost daily but I stayed strong. I knew that I had to learn to be tough then or I would continue to live life being taken advantage of. I saw it like this, I could have either let people walk all over me or be firm and stand up for myself and the ultimate goal because the goal was bigger than any of us.

3. Many people will have an issue working for women, accept it and rise above it!

Sexism, just like racism, is alive and well. And, anyone who says that it isn’t, isn’t being affected by it. From manager to Business Owner, I see how differently my male colleagues are treated. When I am assertive, I am ‘on my period’ or another word beginning with a B. I have sat in boardroom meetings where I was the only female and boldly asked if I was cold because my nipples are pointy. It is clear that the gender roles play out in (and out of) the office and it’s up to us to prove them wrong. Some people may have a problem working for me because I am a woman but is a reflection of them and where their mind is at, all that I can do is progress on my road to success.

10 motivating quotes by Iyanla Vanzant.

Image from Iyanla.co

If you haven’t heard of Iyanla Vanzant, I feel sorry for you. Other than my Mother and Oprah, this woman has had the most impact on my life.

Iyanla was born Rhonda Eva Harris. She changed her name to shed her past and step into her life. She knew that to help others, she would have to start with herself. She is a life coach, motivational speaker and ordained minister.

Here are 10 quotes by Iyanla: 

1.   ‘Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.’

2.  ‘The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don't want.’

3.  ‘Choice is a divine teacher, for when we choose we learn that nothing is ever put in our path without a reason.’

4.  ‘So many of us invest a fortune making ourselves look good to the world, yet inside we are falling apart. It's time to invest on the inside.’

5. ‘Remain open. There is something bigger than you know going on here.’

6.  ‘You don't get to tell people how to love you; you get to choose if you want to participate in the way they love.’

7.  ‘In the process of planning and having a wedding, I forgot there would actually be a marriage, a union of minds, bodies, souls, and issues that would come together as soon as the ceremony was over.’

8.  ‘So many of us invest a fortune making ourselves look good to the world, yet inside we are falling apart. It's time to invest on the inside.’

9.  ‘You can never love anyone to your own detriment. That is not love, that is possession, control, fear, or a combination of them all.’

10.  ‘Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.’

5 questions to ask yourself before you let go of a friendship.

Image by Getty Images  

Recently I made a bold decision: I decided to discontinue two friendships in my life. I couldn't be friends with them any longer because I hadn't felt respected by them for a while. Before I decided to let go of these relationships, I asked myself the following questions:

1. Would you allow a romantic partner to treat you the same way that your friend treats you?

My partner at the time had stood me up once for a date. I was livid. He asked me why I had been so mad when a couple of friends of mine had stood me up, too, and I had been OK with it. He was right. I made a decision to set clear boundaries because it wouldn't be fair to have a different set of rules for people in my life. Respect is respect, regardless of the position that person holds in your life.

2. Is your friend supportive of your work and actions?

When I had previously gone through a lot of drama, my former friend would offer me food or wine to comfort me. However, I started to notice that as I began to accomplish things, her support dissipated. My friend was feeling unfulfilled in her life and, because of this, she was unable to celebrate my accomplishments. Everyone deserves friends who will celebrate their wins, not only support their weaknesses when they are feeling down.

3. Does your friend use your past against you?

Three years ago, I was in an unhealthy relationship. As a result, I did some unhealthy things to myself. One of the friends with whom that I decided to part ways would continuously remind me that I was "a mess" three years ago. She would say it in a judgemental tone. I'm not sure what her intentions were, all I know is that it hurt my feelings. If you've moved beyond your past and your friend hasn't, they are not being helpful in your growth and not helping you forgive yourself.

4. Do you and your friend engage in speaking negatively about others?

My former friend and I used to gossip about other friends, celebrities, and our neighbors. Eventually I found out that she had gossiped about me, too toward the end of our friendship. It hurt, but it wasn't surprising. Ask yourself if you and your friend spend time speaking negatively about other people. If so, remember that there may come a time when they'll gossip about you, too.

5. Do you and your friend give to one another from your hearts or your minds?

When I had mentioned to one of my friends that I wouldn't be spoken to in the manner in which she had spoken to me, she explained that she had done so much for me, which was reason enough for her to speak to me in a way that I found to be disrespectful. Over the years, we had done things for one another, and she had been keeping score. How much someone gives doesn't accumulate into friendship coupons that can be used against someone's feelings. When you give to get, what you give doesn't come from love—it comes from calculation. True friendships are based on love. Love doesn't keep score.

Izinto ezingu-4 engisebenza ngazo okwamanje

izithombe ngezithombe ze-Getty

Ngingumkholwa oqinile wokuthethelela ngoba uma sithethelela, singaphilisa. Futhi, uma siphilisa, singathuthuka. Kwangithatha isikhathi eside ukubona ukuthi kodwa ukuqhubekela phambili kuyisiqondiso engifuna ukuhlala kuso. Ngenkathi ngiqala ukukwenza ukuthethelela, ngacabanga ukuthi yilokho okwenzayo kanye futhi akudingeki uphinde uyenze. Kodwa, ngifunde futhi ngisafunda, ukuthi ukuthethelelwa akupheli. Nsuku zonke kunokuthile okuthethelela. Yilokhu engikusebenzela ekuxoleleni namuhla:

1. Mina ngokwami.

Konke kuqala futhi kuqala ngokwakho. Angikwazi ukuzibuza ukuthethelela abanye uma ngingakaze ngithethelele. Ngithole ukuthethelela kokubili okubuhlungu nokukhulula ngoba kufanele ngivume futhi ngihlale kulokho engikwenzile kimi nakwabanye okwangenza ngifuna ukuthethelela. Kodwa, lo msebenzi uyadingeka. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ngizithethelela ngokubiza amathanga ami amakhulu noma ukukhipha ukukhathazeka kwami  komunye, ukuzithethelela kungisiza ukuba ngiqhubeke.

 2. Ukoloni.

Nakuba ukukoloni kwakunezici ezimbalwa ezinhle, kwakunezinkinga eziningi. Ikakhulukazi evela ezwekazini (i-Afrika) lapho ikholoni inakho, futhi kunjalo, ngokuba nemiphumela emibi emnothweni, kwezolimo kanye nabantu, kuyadambisa. I-Colonization iye yazama ukuhlukumeza ikoloni yenkambiso yabo futhi yaqinisekisa ukuthi iYurophu noma abantu base-European-desccent bangcono kunezinye. Uma ngibheke nxazonke futhi ngibona indlela le ndlela yokucabanga isishiyile ngayo, ingenza ngidabuke. Kodwa, njengoba nje ngishilo ngaphambili, ukuthethelelwa ngokuphathelene nokuqhubekela phambili. Ngiye ngafunda ukuthi ukusola akuxazulula izinkinga. Kuye kwadingeka ngithethelele okhokho bami baseYurophu ngokuxhaphaza nokusebenzisa ama-Afrika ami futhi ngamukele ukuthi lezi zici ezimbili zihlala ngaphakathi kimi. Uma ngiqhubeka ngithukuthele isiko laseYurophu, ngithukuthele ngenye ingxenye futhi ngithukuthele abangane bami abaningi. Ngakho-ke, ngiyikhulula leyo ntukuthelo futhi ngifaka leso sibindi ekuvuseleleni kabusha. Ngizakhele kabusha, Umndeni Wami nezwe. Ukuze ngikhulule ukucindezelwa futhi ngamukele uthando kubo bonke, ngendlela okufanele siyenze ngayo. Ngoba uthando lunikeza amandla futhi lusisiza sikhonyane.

3. Amadoda.

Ngivulekile kakhulu mayelana nobuhlobo enganginabo namadoda empilweni yami. Futhi, nje nje nje, ngithole ukuqonda ukuthi kungani amadoda amaningi engiwabona nxazonke angenalo ukuzimisela ukuxhuma. Isizathu, ngiyakholwa, kungenxa yokuthi silindele amadoda ukuba avikele ukuthi yibo ngempela abagqoke i-macho-mask. Ukushiya abaningi babo ekuphikeleni amandla abo ngokomzwelo. Lokhu ukuqonda kungisize ngithethelele. Muva nje, ngathola ukuthi indoda eyayikhiphe isithakazelo kimi, yayithandana nomunye wesifazane. Ngokwemvelo, ngathukuthele futhi ngavala noma yikuphi okulindelekile kuye. Ngisenkonzweni yokuthethelela ngoba ngiyazi ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe akuhlangene nami futhi ngifuna ukuzikhulula emgodini ukuze abe nami. Ngifanele ukuba nomuntu omuhle futhi angikumi ngendlela yalokhu ngokubamba umuntu ongakwazi ukungiqonda. Ngiqhubeka ngothando nokuthethelela.

4. Abantu abangakalungeli ukwamukela uthando lwami.

Kungithatha cishe impilo yami yonke ukuqonda ukuthi kufanele uthandeke, kufanele wamukele uthando. Ngifinyelele abantu abaningi engangibathande kakhulu futhi ngicabanga ukuthi nginamandla noma nginingi kakhulu, kuphela ukubona ukuthi babengakulungele. Manje, esikhundleni sokushintsha indlela engiyithandayo, ngiya kubantu abalungele ukwamukela uthando ezingeni lami. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngivumela ukuthi ngiyeke kulabo engikunike kakhulu futhi angabuyisanga ngoba ukubala ukuthi nginikele omunye futhi angabuyisanga kuyangikhathaza futhi kungiphatha kuphela. Ngishiya lobudlelwane ngiyazi ukuthi nginikele okungcono kakhulu futhi okwanele.

5 things that I wish I’d known before starting my first business.

Image by Getty Images  

At the age of 27, I decided that I want to grow and broaden my horizons. I decided that I wanted to start my first business. I had worked with/for very talented, successful and accomplished people. I felt like it was time for me to become a part of that category.

I remember telling my friend that if I had known the amount of work that comes into owning a sold-out successful skincare line, I probably would not have done it. It may sound cynical but it was true. The challenges when owning a business can feel overwhelming.

However, if I had known the following, it would’ve changed the ballgame:

1. Boss up!
Nothing in life should ever stop you from doing what you need to, including a person. I have had many partnerships and business ventures and recently, is the first time that I had to let go of someone on my team. I knew immediately after hiring him that he was not a good fit but wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I could go on-and-on for hours about the issues that we had but, that is unbecoming. I learnt two lessons that some people have issues taking direction by a woman and that being a boss will sometimes bring out backlash from others. Be a boss anyway because there is a goal bigger than one person, their inadequacy and their Ego.

2. At some point, people will push you. You must be able to handle it.
The last point has lead me to this one. Being a leader doesn’t mean sitting back and watching people work, it means that I work the hardest. When I started KINDGIRLCO., I was up till 4am filling hundreds of bottles with oil. I was and am always pushed to be better than I was before so that people working for me can see and understand my progress, drive and purpose.

3. Know your numbers!
Before I started my business, I took an accounting course. I took it so that I could understand my financial standpoint. I had heard that the number one reason businesses fail is because they don’t know how to handle money. Thankfully, KindGirlco. broke even in it’s first year. It is so important to know how much you are able to produce without giving up your name and credit for something that might not sell.

4. You attract what you put out there.
After letting go of my former team member, I asked myself how did I get into that situation? And the answer that I got was that I didn’t trust the big picture. I chose him to be a part of the team because I was afraid that the sales would not be where I wanted them to be. Well, in this Universe, we live on vibrations and fearful vibrations attract fearful vibrations. I attracted someone who was the epitome of fear. Someone who feared his greatness and who blamed everyone else for things that he was doing or not doing. It brought me back to why I am in wellness, it is not to spread negativity; it is to rise above it. Feeling fear is okay but wallowing in it is a problem.

5. Rise after a setback and move forward.
Business is just like life, you will come across many obstacles and challenges. However, how you approach them is what really matters. If you let one challenge defeat you, you are not ready to be a business owner. A successful business-owner uses problems as messages. There is always room to grow and setbacks, challenges, obstacles and problems only remind us of that.