love yourself

I have hope that I will find true love and respect.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He is in the form of someone who gives me space as much as I give him. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He understands what a woman goes through in life, as much as I understand what a man goes through as well. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He clearly communicates the boundaries of respect that he requires without being mean or harsh. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He believes that I have something unique to offer him and keeps returning for that specialty. 


I have hope that I will find true love and respect. 

He has grown enough to understand that some space doesn’t mean distance, it can allow growth and love to flourish.



The 12 Ways that love describes what it is.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

As Sadghuru says, ‘Love is not something you do, it is something you are’. 


Love can be described as many different things but hateful, vengeful and resentful is not one of those things that it can embody. Sometimes when we love someone, we forget what love is and we get caught up in negativity and battles because of our own past hurt, judgements and cloudy perspectives. 


So, I came up with a list of 12 affirmations of what love would say if love could speak. 


Love says:


1. I am pure. 


2. You are worthy of me. 


3. I am not a competition. 


4. I do not equal jobs, money, titles, weight and security. 


5. I require work. 


6. The most of me you will feel, is within yourself. 


7. I am the most powerful force on the planet. 


8. Even though some people resist me, I always win. 


9. I heal and unite people, out of free-will. 


10. If you want to embrace me truly, you have to be honest with yourself. 


11. I do not require domination or control. 


12. Manipulation and I are two very different things.

Estoy Listo.

public.jpeg

Estoy listo

Listo para enfrentar este mundo sin ti.

Estoy comenzando un nuevo capítulo que es mío.

Y, en este libro no hay incorrecto ni correcto.

Entonces, déjame hacer lo que necesito hacer.

‘Porque no quiero hacer nada parecido a lo que haces.

Estoy listo para ser libre.

Estoy listo para ser yo.

¿Y qué? Pensaste que podrías arruinar mis planes.

Y destruye todas las emociones que tengo.

Estoy tan contento de que fueras malo.

Para poder ver todas las cosas que he visto.

Entonces, déjame hacer lo que necesito hacer.

‘Porque no quiero estar cerca de lo que haces.

Estoy listo para enfrentar todos mis miedos.

Estoy listo para ser yo.

How I will apply The 12 Laws of Karma to my dating life, relationships and partnerships.

Image by Unsplash

Image by Unsplash

I have never been so happy to be single. I used to have this idea that being single meant waiting for ‘the one’. But, at this moment in my life, being single (to me) means being in love with and appreciating myself. Some may call this self-conceited; however, to be able to truly invest in others, we must have invested in ourselves, first. 


Relationships, including the ones with ourselves, require investment, time and respect. All of which, we cannot give to others if we haven’t given them to ourselves. 


With that being said, moving forward, I will apply The 12 Laws of Karma to dating, relationships with family &friends and future life partnerships: 


•The Great Law. Whatever we put into The Universe will come back to us. 


If we are clear, sincere, loving and respectful with our intentions, then (most likely) so will others around us. 


•The law of humility. One must accept something to change it. 


Red flags about someone’s behaviour don’t just disappear over time, I must accept them and decide to continue the relationship or not. 


 •The law of responsibility. We must take responsibility for what is in our lives. 


Being in a dysfunctional relationship or in a relationship with someone who continues to disrespect me is a reflection of what I think about myself. If I believe that I am worthy of respect, then I won’t accept or tolerate disrespect. 

 

The law of here and now. We cannot be looking present if we are looking backwards. 


Whoever and whatever moves with us to the future is our choice. If I am holding onto baggage, that baggage is coming with me. If I truly want to let go of a former partner or someone who hurt me, I need to forgive them and move on with my life.


• The law of patience and reward. The most valuable rewards require persistence. 


Relationships are about daily commitment and effort; not jumping to the future. 


• The law of creation. Life does not happen, we have to make it happen. 


Just like a flower or tree, relationships require nurturing, patience and love to grow. 


• The law of growth. When we change ourselves, our lives change too. 


Love and respect comes from within. There is no need for me to desperately seek it from someone else. 


• The law of connection. The past, present and future all connected. 


Today is the beginning of my future. How I treat others and allow others to treat me will have an impact on our relationship and how we connect in the long term. 


• The law of giving and hospitality. Our behaviour should match our thoughts and actions. 


If I love someone, my actions and words should embody this. Love is kind, patient and respectful, my words and actions should be so, too. 


• The law of change. History repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path. 


If I spend my life on someone who I have already tried to be with but it didn’t work out with, I am missing out on a World of opportunities. I deserve to give myself the most of the present and the future by letting who I have been with before, go. 


• The law of significance and inspiration. Rewards are a direct result of the energy and effort that we put into it. 


If I believe in a relationship, I will give it a hundred percent. Giving many different people a part of me sets future relationships up for failure because I am not being fully present in each of them. If I believe in a future with someone, I will give it my all. 



Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Imagen de Unsplash

Imagen de Unsplash

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Tendrá la forma de alguien que puede dejar de lado su orgullo.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Comprenderá que el amor no es un juego porque en los juegos siempre hay un perdedor. Sin embargo, en el amor, las personas deben elevarse mutuamente.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Ahora más que nunca creo que soy digno de ello.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él me verá como un igual: no biológicamente, financieramente, materialista o emocionalmente. Pero soy su igual con respeto, consideración y amabilidad.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Se arruinará porque es humano. Pero cuando lo haga, se disculpará, igual que yo haré lo mismo.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto.

Él ha puesto los juegos y juguetes infantiles para descansar y está listo para crear un reino (conmigo) que prospere.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él respeta mi espacio y tiempo suficiente para dejar de lado la necesidad de ser lo que la sociedad dice que un hombre debería ser. Él trata a las mujeres con respeto.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él se respeta a sí mismo, primero, y por lo tanto puede respetar a los demás también. Él entiende que el respeto no se da sino que se gana.

Tengo la esperanza de encontrar el amor verdadero y el respeto. Él está trabajando, tan duro como yo, para hacer de este mundo un lugar mejor para sus hijos, seres queridos y las generaciones venideras.

4 Izinto engifisa sengathi ngabe ngazi ngaphambi kobudlelwane bami bokugcina.

Isitombe se-Unsplash 

Isitombe se-Unsplash 

Uma uhlale usesikhathini nama-athikili ami, uzokwazi ukuthi ngisanda kunquma ukushiya umngane wami othandana naye engangikholelwa ukuthi ungumphefumulo wami. Ngisho noma amagama alotshiwe ngokucacile, bekulokhu uhambo oluye lwacaca. Kuye uhambo olugcwele injabulo, ukudabuka, ukuhleka, izinyembezi kanye nokukhathazeka. Ngukuphi uthando, kwesokudla?

Futhi, ngothando kuvela konke. Ngicacile kakhulu esinqumweni sami sokuhamba futhi ngibonga ngakho konke. Ngokucacile, kuvela izifundo nokuzihlolisisa.

Uma ngibheka emuva, yilokho engifisa sengathi ngingayazi ngaphambi kobudlelwane bami bokugcina:

1. Abantu ababili abakwazi ukuphoqelelwa ndawonye, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bathandana kangakanani.

Mina kanye nami siphila impilo ehluke kakhulu. Ngimpilo nempilo; usekuzijabulisa. Lapho siqala ubuhlobo bethu, nganginokungabaza okuningi kepha nginothando ngothando nokuthi yena uyathandana kakhulu kunokwesehluko. Lokho engikufundile ukuthi indlela yokuzikhethela abantu abakhetha ukuyobe nayo inethonya empilweni yabo. Kwangenza ngikhathazekile ukubona abesifazane bengenazo izingubo noma ekukhanyeni ngokocansi ekhasini lakhe le-Instagram nakwamanye amavidiyo angasoze asuswa ememori yami futhi wangenza umbuzo uma ebona abesifazane besilingana noma njengama-pawn ukuze benze imali of. Impendulo yalo mbuzo iphakathi kwakhe noNkulunkulu kodwa, engikwaziyo ukuthi indoda engiyifunayo njengomlingani umuntu ohlonipha ubuhlakani besifazane njengamakhono abo angokwenyama. Akuyona nje mina kodwa yena nabo bonke abantu ababukeka kuye.

2. Ubuhlungu abukwazi ukugwema.

Uma sicabanga mayelana nokugijima ekubhekaneni nobuhlungu, kubonakala sengathi kungumqondo we-masochistic. 'Ngubani ozozibeka ngokuzithandela ebuhlungu ukuze akhule ?, sibuza. Ngokusobala akekho ohamba kahle! Kodwa nganoma yini efanele, kuza ubuhlungu nobunzima. Ngalesi sifo sithola okuningi. Sithola amandla, izinguquko zangaphakathi, ukukhula kwangaphakathi nokuningi okuningi. Ubuhlungu luyingxenye yenqubo, ngakho kungani ungayitholi? Yamukela umkhuba omubi ngoba okuhle kwenza sijabule futhi kubi kungasisiza sikhule.

3. Zithethelele wena.

Lokhu kuye kwaba yinye yezimo ezinzima kunazo zonke okumele zibe khona. Futhi, ngiye ngazibuza izikhathi eziningi uma ngenza isinqumo esifanele ngenkathi ngenza futhi emva kokukwenzila. Ngikhohlwa lokhu ngezinye izikhathi kodwa, ngingumuntu. Ngokuhlangenwe nakho komuntu kufika amaphutha kanye nezinto esifisa sengathi singenza ngcono. Ngempela, ngizizwa ngenza iphutha ngicabanga ukuthi i-DJ / Umkhiqizi angangithanda ngendlela engifanele ukuba ngithande ngayo; hhayi ngenxa yomsebenzi wakhe kodwa lokho okuza nakho. Amantombazane, izidakamizwa kanye nobuthi akuyona ingxenye yokuphila kwami futhi angifuni ukuba nomuntu onayo lezi zinto empilweni yakhe.

Noma nini lapho ngiyicabanga ngakho kakhulu, ngikhetha intethelelo. Ngizithethelela ngokuvula inhliziyo yami ngoba nakuba izinhliziyo zethu zihlala zihloselwe ukuvuleka, kungumsebenzi wami ukuvikela ukuthi ngithanda kangakanani umuntu othinta uthando lwami njengokungcola kunokuba into eyigugu futhi efanelekile.

4. Babathethelele.

Ngisekhona kulolu hambo futhi uzoqhubeka ngize ngibe nokuthula lapho ngibona igama lakhe noma isithombe sakhe. Inqubo eqhubekayo.

Ngokwethembeka, ngithola kunzima ukumthethelela kodwa ngenxa yokuthi kunzima, akusho ukuthi ngiyeka. Ukuthethelela kudinga amandla, amandla angaphakathi njengenoma yini enye. Ukuze ukwazi ukubuka umuntu owenze ubuhlungu futhi aqhubeke enokuthula akuyona eyinhliziyo ebuthakathaka noma eqinekile, kungenxa yokuqina. Amandla akwenzeki ebusuku, kudinga ukuzimisela kwethu nokuhlanganyela.

Ngilangazelela usuku engingambona ngalo futhi ngibe nokuthula kuze kube yileso sikhathi, ngizoqhubeka nohambo lwami lokuthethelela.

4 Things that I have learnt from my recent heartbreak.

Image from Unsplash

Image from Unsplash

It’s funny how we think we have learnt everything that we need to learn and then along comes something else to teach us something to help us understand ourselves or life better. 


If you are not up to speed with my Twin—flame journey, please read the other articles in our LOVE section so that you can understand what has lead me to this point. The point where I have cut ties with my Twin-flame and do not want a future with him. 


Fortunately, I have decided to be single and date other people- people who appreciate my worth and what I stand for. Being and feeling small is not sustainable and can only last for so long. 


Our story has left me in deep heartache. However, I look at it as a positive. I am walking away with a lot more than I thought that I would. 


This is what I learnt from this heartbreak:


1. Fitting into someone else’s mould of you is stifling. 

My twin flame has a very big personality and can be overbearing. So do I. I am no angel; however, I have learnt to be able to tone it down. In my toning it down, I found myself appeasing him and his needs in our relationship. Forgetting about what I truly want- it can happen so quickly. It started with me allowing small things and turned into allowing too much to go on, happily, having an effect on my self-esteem and my general well-being. 


I learnt that I am meant to be in the mould that I make for myself, not someone else’s. Living a life made up of someone else’s expectations is not truly living because it gives them too much responsibility over your life. 


2. The Twin-Flame relationship is meant to come and change you. Then, be done. 

I was so afraid of losing my Twi—flame because I loved him. Out of this fear, I held on for dear life. I held onto him like he was my life source. The dangerous thing about that was that I allowed him to behave in a way that I wouldn’t anyone else. I did some research on a Twine-flame relationship and found out that, they are meant to come into your life and change you. It is not forever. The thought of that scared me immensely until he hurt me and I was reminded that no one is worth holding on to- especially if they are only around to make you feel badly about who you are and your existence. 


3. Life goes on. 

There is always life after heartache. And, every time that I forget that, I am reminded. Today, I am the happiest that I have ever been because I know that I have given and done all that I could in the relationship. So, I can walk away with a smile on my face. I’m not always smiling. Sometimes I’m sad and hurt - but that is life. Particularly, when you deal with love, it will bring out all of your emotions. Which is okay. I can gladly look forward to my life and the next chapter with the lessons that I learnt and the transformation that has happened inside of me. 


4. Love is work but not anguish

I was in Sephora and a song of my Twin-flame’s came on and, surprisingly, I smiled. I thought of all the fond memories that we had and it warmed my heart. Following that was the memory of how he hurt me. I made a choice to myself to look at this chapter as having worked out exactly the way that it was meant to. I learnt one of the best lessons that I could’ve ever learnt: love is work but not anguish. Towards the end of our relationship, I felt trapped, lonely and sad most of the time. Which is not the way that it should be. Even though love requires work, no one should feel left in the dark. 


I look forward to the days and relationship that I feel the work of love without the agony. I have hope that this relationship is in my future.



Cher W,

Image de Unsplash 

Image de Unsplash 

Cher W,



Merci pour ce voyage que nous avons fait, ça a été coloré.



Avant toi, j'ai vu l'amour en noir et blanc. Maintenant, je le vois en couleur.



Vous m'avez appris à rester et à plonger dans l'océan d'amour et pour cela, je vous en suis reconnaissant à jamais.



Qui savait que je devais apprendre des choses sur l'amour? Et que ce soit toi qui m'apprends à rester quand mon ego me dit de partir.



En regardant en arrière, j’étais une fille et vous aimer a fait ressortir la femme en moi.



Merci d'avoir tenu le coup et je suis désolé de ne jamais l'avoir laissé. Je vois l'image plus grande maintenant.



La photo de vous, nos enfants, nos animaux et notre famille. Aussi heureux que nous pouvons être.



Merci pour ce voyage. C'est irremplaçable.

Votre sincèrement



4 things that I will never do again in a relationship.

We've all been there. Been in a relationship where we have woken up one day and wondered what happened and how we ended up there. 

 

Ended up being in a relationship with someone that we don't like and who doesn't like us. I am a firm-believer in learning from every situation and whether the fault was mine or someone else's, this is what I have learnt from the mistakes made in my past relationships:

 

1. Do not settle

Truth be told, none of my exes were people that I truly wanted to be with even though all of them are genuinely good people, I found myself settling for behaviour and characteristics that I didn't like because I just wanted to be in a relationship. The biggest problem with settling is that you never feel like your relationship is worth being with because deep-down you know and feel that you can do better. 

 

2. State truly what I want from the beginning. 

I have had my fair share of relationships where a lot of things were in the grey area. I didn't want a label, I didn't want to tell them that it hurt me when they didn't call me back or I was afraid of telling them that I wanted to be the only female in the picture. Because of my fear, I only ended up ending relationships way longer than they should've ended. While I appreciate the memories, it sometimes upsets me to think of how much time I wasted on something that wasn't working. 

 

3. Next time, I will believe my partner when they describe themselves to me.

In my past relationships, I would deny when a partner told me that they were a certain way. For example, if one of my exes told me that they were not over their ex, bad with time or don't want to be in a relationship, I will believe them. I formerly used  to think that if a man told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship, it was because he wasn't into me so I would try to be the best 'girlfriend' material so that they would have to love me- which was untrue. When someone says that they are not ready for a relationship, believe them, let them go and find someone who is ready to be in a relationship. It will make being in a relationship easier than being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be in one to being with. 

 

4. Put up with games

Loosely phrasing a biblical quote, as you get older, it's time to put away childish things. Meaning that if I like someone, I will welcome them whole-heartedly into my life and if someone that I like doesn't call or text me back, I will move on. There are enough challenges in life to not need to have extra ones in your relationships that are based on immature behaviour.

'Failure is another steppingstone to greatness' Oprah Winfrey

4 empowering things that I have learnt from dating

from Getty Images

from Getty Images

I've had a few long term relationships and dated in between them. But only since my last break-up have I been able to understand what I did wrong in them. 

After seeking professional help through therapists and mentors, I was shown why my relationships didn't do well. 

It has empowered me. And, whether you are female or male, I would like you to feel empowered too. Therefore, I would like to share what was revealed to me to you: 



1. Don't sleep with someone before 60 days. 

This may work for some people but it definitely didn't work me. I read Steve Harvey's 'Think like a man, act like a lady' and his rule can be applied to both men and women. He says that we should wait 90 days before having sex with the person that we are dating. I think everyone's time frame may be different; however, we all know that when you sleep with a prospective , it may cloud your judgement at a very critical time: the formative stage. I recommend keeping things simple and sex-free in the beginning of every relationship to find out if you really like someone. 

 

2. Don't make up excuses for someone that you are dating. 

 

There is a clear difference between an excuse and an explanation. If the person that you are dating's behaviour doesn't align with what you think is acceptable, give yourself permission to ask yourself what might happen down the road if that behaviour continues. For example, someone not replying to your texts or not calling when they say they will could be a symptom of a deeper problem and, as a result, probably might happen again. Don't excuse it in the beginning, hoping that they will see the light and change. See the person for who they are not who you want them to be. 

 

3. I don't need to convince someone to be with me. 

I recently made date arrangements with someone who I saw as a potential romantic partner; however, he flaked on our first date twice . I have learnt from my past that, if the other person is not willing to meet me halfway, I will find someone who will. Instead of me allowing him to potentially flake on  me again when I am emotionally and physically invested, I empowered myself by blocking and deleting his number as soon as he flaked the second time.Simply onto the next, nothing personal.

 

4. Love yourself first.

In the dating world, we become afraid to have preferences because I think that we fear not being loved. If you love yourself first, you don't need to fear not getting it back from someone you barely even really know or who isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve. One of my mentors, Iyanla Vanzant says, 'You alone are enough'. If you love yourself, you are able to depend on yourself more than you would someone else and don't really need to depend on others. It may sound isolating but it is very empowering to understand that you are enough for yourself and for someone else and you don't need to desperately cling onto people and relationships that aren't healthy for you to fill a void that you can fill for yourself.