9 choses que je dirais à mes ex si je les voyais aujourd'hui.

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Je suis célibataire depuis plus d'un an et ça a été magnifique. Je me vois m'installer et être dans un partenariat sacré, respectueux, honnête et rempli d'amour.

En repensant aux relations précédentes, je ne suis que reconnaissant. De temps en temps, j'ai des aperçus du passé des souvenirs qui me laissent avec un sourire sur mon visage.

Après tout, je reste avec une profonde gratitude.

Voici 9 choses que je dirais à mes ex:

1. Merci.

2. Vous m'avez aidé à grandir.

3. Vous m'avez aidé à apprendre à aimer.

4. Je suis ici aujourd'hui et je me suis transformé en partie grâce à vous.

5. Vous êtes aimé.

6. J'espère que vous avez tout l'amour et le bonheur que vous méritez.

7. Que tous vos souhaits se réalisent.

8. Je prie pour votre santé, votre bien-être et pour que vous continuiez à choisir l'amour.

9. Je vous ai pardonné comme je suis sûr que vous m'avez pardonné.

3 Redefinitions of healthy love.

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As most of you already know, I have had a cycle of unhealthy relationships. My last one ended last June with me realizing that I had some healing to do. I had gotten so used to being manipulated and emotionally abused by people that I loved that I had started believing the lies. Now, for all my women who think that only men can be manipulative, that is incorrect. All people have the capability of manipulation, lying and acting from an insincere place. 

If you need a refresher of my past, check out my former articles of how I released the last relationship which was the icing on the cake and when I decided to let go of people who speak to me and don’t listen, those who wait for me to do wrong in order to get back at me and, some who have seen my kindness for weakness. Not only in romantic relationships but also in family and friends. I am proud to say that I have created a healthy distance from abusive and manipulative people. I also forgive them because holding onto pain and mistreatment leads to more of it. 

Through this process of healing, I have learnt 3 redefinitions of healthy love: 

1. Letting go of perfection and fixing:

I have spent a lot of my life giving in. This stems from my childhood. I am a middle child from a divorced family and have always carried immense guilt, basically over nothing but being human, making mistakes and learning. Through my healing, memories of my childhood have come back and I had memories of my younger sibling and I fighting, like most kids do. My Mother’s response would be to get me to say sorry first because she said I was the elder and had more responsibility than my younger sibling. This conditioned me to always say sorry; even if I wasn’t in the wrong. I felt a deep burden to always be right and if someone had an issue with me, I would try to get them to like me. 

Recently, I found myself crying when I thought of one of these memories as I realized that I have taken on a role that I never wanted, ‘the fixer’. You see, fixing means correcting even it abandons my emotions and feelings to make things right. In other relationships, I became the friend everyone called on when they needed something but few reciprocated the same gesture, I became the girlfriend who would be cool in order to not rock the boat and, I became the family member who wanted to be seen as perfect because it was my responsibility no matter what the other person did to me. 

This role is heavy and often impossible to implement all the time. So, as I free myself of this role, I open myself up to relationships where I don’t need to fix anything and get back what I put out with feeling guilty about it. 

2. Healing emotional abusive patterns: 

Physical abuse is easy to spot but how about when someone chips away at your spirit or your soul for years and years? This creates cognitive dissonance- where your brain starts questioning if what was true is true. Which I suffered from for many years and as a result, I would attract abusive people into my life. I had such little self-esteem that I accepted unkind words and actions towards me because I thought that that person didn’t mean to or feared being left alone if I confronted them. 

Over the past decade, I have healed (and am still healing) the need to be in unhealthy dynamics to feel like I am loved. Love can be healthy and love can be kind, not all the time but most of the time. I am done excusing people who don’t honor my boundaries or acknowledge that I am human because I am willing to respect others’ boundaries and see people as human. 

3. Not being tied to another by force but by respect and kindness. 

I am no longer afraid to shed disrespectful people from my life. I come from an African family where we put immense pressure on one another because we are expected to always be around. It was recently that I decided to shift this thinking. If being around someone causes me anxiety, pain and hurt then I am out. I am not a martyr. I, just like those who are respectful, deserve to be respected. 

Last year, I read a book about narcissistic and empath relationships and it asked these questions, how do you leave each relationship that you have? Do you leave feeling fulfilled or drained? Do you leave feeling heard or unheard? Do you leave feeling go you the respect that you deserved? 

I had to answer that question with a lot of people around me because the answer was no. I had to start all over again, it felt like. Most of what I had learned about relationships was fake women empowerment disguised as manipulation and getting the ‘guy’ to see me and hear me at all costs. I had to re-learn that love isn’t about getting anyone to do anything, it just is. Now, when I don’t feel heard, noticed, respected or acknowledged over a period of time, I let that person know and if it continues, I create distance between the relationship and me because my focus is not on forcing; it is on acceptance, honesty and being present. 

3 Things that I have learnt about healing as a child of divorce.

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I would be lying to you if I told you that our parents aren’t the biggest shapers in our lives. I would also be lying to you if I told you that we ever really heal from trauma that occurs when we see our parents interacting with one another because that is the first romantic relationship that we will see and leaves an imprint on us for the rest of our lives. 

As like with other families, as much love and warmth there is; there is also hurt, resentment, jealousy and anger in mine. Which can be equated to love vs. fear. And, most of us struggle with loving because we are in a constant state of fear. Passed down from generation-to-generation. At some point, we have to take responsibility for our lives and set healthy boundaries for ourselves and others. 

On my journey of healing which actively started a decade ago, I have learnt over-and-over that life is about healing. We are not meant to be perfect because perfection is a façade. True healing is from bringing the broken pieces into whole. And, most of that comes from being honest because once we acknowledge something, we can match our actions to that. 

So, in the spirit, of honesty, here is what I have learnt about healing through the eyes of a child of divorce: 

1. Forgiveness is key. 

I recently lashed out at some loved ones in my family and I could spend my life blaming them. However, that would be unfair to me and to them. You see, becoming whole doesn’t mean that we won’t fall down but it means that we get back up. And, when we have gotten back up, we can look back and forgive. Forgive ourselves, others and the situation. Which, I am in the process of doing. 

We are multi-faceted beings and sometimes a part of us is brought up by a situation that we might not have thought was possible but that moment doesn’t define us, it is a stepping stone to real healing and progression. For when we are truthful, that is when we can move forward. Sometimes making a mistake will show us what we need to work on. 

This moment showed me the role that I play. The one of perfect as a result of being a child of divorce. You see, all kids take on a persona which becomes our way of surviving. Mine was, act perfect and have everything together so that life can be perfect and things won’t fall apart. It put immense pressure on me and I cracked. When I cracked, I decided to redefine how I had approached life and people in my life. And, who is coming with me along the way forward.

2. You can’t force people to change. 

I grew up in an African family where pride helps us keep our last name in dignity. That idea comes with many great qualities. It has taught me to keep going no matter what, to always look as good as I can and to give off a persona of strength even if I am not strong on the inside. But, with all facades comes the negative. Related to the pride, I have always felt the need to take on more than was expected of me because I felt like if I didn’t, I wasn’t doing enough and ultimately, wasn’t enough. I noticed a pattern in relationships that I would be as perfect as I could so that they would never leave. Sacrificing myself to be loved and when I wasn’t, I would flip and get upset. 

I have learnt and am practicing that when you love someone, you don’t want them to mess up, for the relationship to be over or manipulate them into never leaving you or being who you want them to be because then we are never really present. I have accepted that just because I love someone doesn’t mean that they have to be in my life or love me back. I can love them from far away especially if being around them is not healthy. I don’t need to hold on to anyone for the idea of perfection or that I have everything together. I don’t have it all together and I am not meant to- that is the journey of life.

3. My parents did enough. 

I once heard one of my mentors say that he believes his parents did their best and I would be lying to you if I agreed that mine did because I think there is always room for growth within us. However, I have come to see that my parents have done enough for me. As a society, we give our parents power and sometimes, too much power. For they are human just like us and when we are children, it is hard to hold them accountable. 

A lot of my healing is about accepting that I didn’t have a voice when I was child because there is only so much a minor can say without fear of being kicked out, not loved or feeling like they aren’t enough. We create co-dependent relationships in our families by thinking that they have to agree with everything we say and do but love is not about agreeing. Bringing love into a situation means peace. And, sometimes the best way to maintain peace is to forgive and move on with your life with or without people you have depended on before. 

Many of us look at our parents as our leaders and become heartbroken when they aren’t because we expect perfection from those who take the lead. But, we forget that sometimes leaders come into our lives just to show us how not to do things. Parent to children relationship is no different to take that example. 

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3 Redefinitions of unconditional love.

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Like most of us, I was raised in a household of conditions disguised as discipline and claiming to want the best for me. After years of therapy, relationships and applying what I have learnt towards life, I have learnt how detrimental conditional love is to anyone. It’s the kind of love that if you do for me, I love you and if you don’t, I hate you. It’s the kind of love that holds onto secrets and withholds the truth because we are afraid that if we are honest, we won’t be loved anymore. 

I am grateful for every experience and I carry that same energy to my upbringing. I have been able to learn that love doesn’t start when I disagree with someone, that is when it begins. I haven’t always been the master of it and I am still learning this notion. But one quote about unconditional love by Maya Angelou has always stuck with me. It is, ‘Love liberates. It doesn’t hold. I love you whether you are in Tokyo or next to me.’ 

This doesn’t mean that I have to accept your behaviour or have you in my life to love you. Sometimes people are meant to be loved from afar. 

Here are 3 redefinitions of unconditional love: 

1. You are who you are meant to be, not by success standards but in creation. 

I am a woman and as one, I can see that we have a lot to work on. Particularly about the need to make others just like us, or else we will not accept it. I noticed that I did this with a long-term relationship I was in with someone who was going through a divorce. I felt like he had to be in my life and act exactly how I needed him to, or I wouldn’t love him. I was loving him with conditions. 

One day, I was crying in a park and wondering why he didn’t love me and having this deep need for him to love me. It hurt so much. I looked at a tree so peaceful and serene, and understood that I was creating my own suffering. I developed a thought in my mind that he will be who he is and I will always love him but I don’t have to hate him. It has taken years of practicing this about him but today I can say that I think so fondly of him and I wish him the best with his life. He doesn’t have to be in my life to love him. I love him anyway. 

2. I am not the authority on how someone should live their life. 

I have a secret fear of having children and raising them to think like me or I won’t love them, like I have been shown. I believe in individualism. I had a thought the other day that many parents run houses as the authority, which would appear to be correct. However, in that thinking, we can stifle a child’s potential. 

Being a parent is not easy and I think one of the most challenging things to accept is that your child appears to be an extension of you but isn’t. They are their own person. We can teach our children our own ideals but, ultimately, it is up to them to learn and grow for themself. When we want people to think and act like us for our love, that is conditional love. Unconditional love says you think the way you do, you act the way that you want and you do what you want to do but I still love you. I don’t have to force you to be like me because I might not know everything and you might not either. 

3. ‘Love is unconditional but relationships have conditions.’ 

I heard this quote this morning and I couldn’t agree more. I have recently decided to let go of some people in my life because I don’t feel like they are healthy for the growth and perpetuate the idea of one-sided communication. It is okay to have boundaries and once those are infringed upon, it is okay to no longer have that person if your life.’ But they deserve the benefit of the doubt beforehand and if you have tried and it doesn’t work, then free yourself of that situation. 

Love is not a contract based on what you think, what you like or how you behave. A lot of people that I love I have many differences with. Some people I love I haven’t spoken to in years but that doesn’t mean that we need to be close to one another and force a fake relationship. We can love people and say that they are not healthy or good for us. Just because conditions are not set on love does not mean that they are not set for relationships. There is no need to be in a situation with someone who doesn’t respect you but there is no need to hate them either. 

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I forgive him, B.

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Why do I want to forgive him? 

Because he is a good person. 

I forgive him because I am done resisting him and who he is. 

I forgive him because he is not exactly who I want him to be and that is perfect. He is not meant to be a mould of my imagination; he is a mould of God’s imagination. 

I forgive him because criticizing him isn’t helping me. 

I forgive him because I admit that he may not be for me but that doesn’t mean that I need to shoot him down and disrespect him. 

I forgive him because I have my fiery and stubborn way towards him that I need to detach myself from if I want to be a healthy person in this world. 

I forgive him because I release him into God’s hands and trust he will take care of him. 

I forgive him because I may never see him again and I am at peace with that. I let go of any resentment about how he handled me and us because it is exactly how it is meant to be. 

3 Important things that I learnt about dating in my 20s.

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I just turned 31 years old and contrary to what I had thought when I was younger, my life has turned out amazingly and I am forever grateful. I have previously mentioned how I thought that having kids and being a wife has been a priority; however, the universe has sent me lessons to teach me that it is not my ultimate success. Being a parent and partner is wonderful, yes. But, I had to learn that I need to fulfill myself instead of playing a role to prove my worthiness. 

Since I was 12 or a little younger, I have always known that I want to be a Mother. I dreamt of having 6 kids and people would joke that I should marry an accountant, I kept that in the back of my mind and when I started dating, I only dated men who were successful so that I could fulfill my dream. The more that I mentioned my wish of having a bunch of children, the more that I would get jaded with other people’s projections about what my future should look like. 

These projections clouded my dating life because instead of looking for a partner, I was searching for someone in my life who looked good on paper- forgetting that the person that I want to be with, is an extension of happiness and joy. 

Here are 3 things that dating in my 20s has taught me: 

1. I don’t have to be a wife to be happy. 

I come from a family of divorce and, although every family has it’s issues, there is something that happens to children of divorce that is unique. I went through two phases of approaching family life:I don’t need a partner to have kids and, I need to marry the perfect person so that my marriage doesn’t crumble apart. This pressure I used to carry deeply and would seek out partners who seemed perfect on paper- even if they weren’t emotionally or physically available because I had developed a belief that money and structure keeps a family together. 

Yes, the number one reason for divorce is money; however, there is no union between two people if there is no respect, kindness and love for one another. 

2. I choose me. 

I just let go of a situation with a wonderful guy. He is a beautiful person inside and out; however, he is not emotionally or physically available to give me what I want. When I was younger, I felt like I had to be a martyr and to sacrifice my blood and sweat. I had these beliefs that a woman should give more than a man and, that to be the perfect potential wife, I shouldn’t voice or express my concerns. 

I could spend my time blaming society and why I developed these belief systems in the first place. However, it is my life and I need to take responsibility for what I want in it. I want and deserve a partner who is ready and able to commit so it is up to me to create boundaries so that this is is feasible. 

3. I can always say no. 

Honestly, I have gotten into some relationships that lasted way longer than they should have because I was too afraid of being the one to say no. In the back of my head, I would always wonder if I regret saying yes. I have felt a continual thread of needing to be optimistic always, even if it is at my expense.

Especially as a yoga teacher and wellness professional, we spend a lot of time focusing on yes. However, we forget to emphasize the importance of sometimes saying no. Nothing is black&white and, everyone’s life experience is different. However, none of us should feel forced to say something that is false for fear of not getting what we want. I have learnt and firmly believe that everything that is for me, will find me. If I work hard enough, love enough and give my all, I have done everything that I can. I am allowed to create boundaries and take care of my well-being and sometimes that means saying no. 

4 Reasons why I will never hate my Ex.

I’ve been pretty open about how happy I am being single and without my former partner. Sometimes, however, we can confuse statements like this as a reason to hate someone or anyone in this World. But, no one deserves that much energy and effort- especially if it’s negative.

I’ve learnt many things about relationships from being in them and from people around me. And, one of the major things that I have learnt is that when you hate someone, they control your life. It is definitely much easier said than done. But, I believe that if I am being asked to be a stronger person, I can and will rise to the occasion.

Here are 4 reasons why I will never hate my ex:

1. Hate is negative power at its height.

It’s easy to hate. I know because I’ve spent a lot of my life hating people for treating me a certain way, thinking a particular way or for just for being different. But, what I have understood about this is that the only person it really affects is The Hater. Hate builds walls, creates animosity and tension. All of which, I would be experiencing if I choose to hate him. If I truly believe in making The World a better place, then it is my responsibility to ensure that I do the best that I can. That involves releasing hate for people who I believe to have done me wrong.

2. He is human.

I believe in transparency and would be lying if I said that his behaviour doesn’t sometimes bother me. Even though his actions towards me are currently vengeful and angry; I still see a human. Yes, I have chosen to not be with him but I don’t have to vilify him like he is trying to do to me. His path is his; mine is my own. If I respond to his behaviour with the same energy, I am fueling it. So, I would rather let it go and move on with my life.

3. I am human.

When we first broke up, I tried so hard to do it in a peaceful way because I was afraid of being seen as mean or evil- especially as a woman. I’ve never been able to be friends with any of my exes and that has affected me. I carried a deep burden that I need to be friends with my former partners because a lot of people that I know can. In honour of this, I bent over backwards trying to appease my recent ex because I was afraid to be seen in a bad light. I didn’t want anyone to label me as the one who can’t keep a relationship or stay cordial with the person that she spent so much time with. He knew this and used it against me. It is water under the bridge. However, I understand fully that I am human and that I don’t have to always be seen in the best light. I have to make the right decision for me and my health, whether anyone else likes it or not. I am okay with people judging me because I am only human and I will not live according to other people’s standards- I am not meant to.

4. Hate is bonding.

If I am truly done with my former relationship then there is no reason to hold on to it anymore. Not everyday is peachy and rosy when I think about him, particularly when it is visible how much negativity he has for me right now because I hear songs that he wrote about me that play frequently. I am not a victim; I can feel what I need to feel and then move on with peace because when we feel extremely passionate (in a good or bad way) we stay tied to that person. I have chosen to release him no matter what he might say or do to me because the past is not worth being tied down to.

Izindima ezi-4 engizenzile ngidlala ebudlelwaneni.

Bengingashadi ezinyangeni eziyisithupha ezedlule futhi ngithole ithuba lokungena shí emiqondweni yami, engikuthandayo kanye nenjongo yami yempilo. Ukungasho ukuthi lokhu akwenzeki uma usebudlelwaneni; nokho, uhlobo lobambiswano ebengikade nginalo ngaphambili, ngabanikeza okungaphezu kwalokho engangikuthola emuva.

Anginayo inzondo maqondana nanoma yikuphi ukukhululwa kwami. Ngibathanda kakhulu futhi ngibafisela okuhle. Bangabantu abahle futhi bangisizile ukwakheka kwami ​​ukuthi ngibe namuhla. Angixhumani neningi lazo, kwesinye isikhathi engidabukisayo ngalo ngoba ngikholelwa ukuthi uma wabelane ngohambo oluhle nomunye umuntu, asikho isidingo sokuphatha kabi noma ukubacasukela. Bonke ubuhlobo bunosuku lokuphelelwa isikhathi.

Ubudlelwano bami bokugcina, obuphela ngoJuni, buqinisa ezinye zezifundo ezinkulu kakhulu engake ngazithinta ngaphambili. Ingxenye yesizathu sokuthi yenzeka kungenxa yokuthi umlingani wami wangaphambili wayaziwa kakhulu futhi kwesinye isikhathi, ngodumo kuza nokungahambi kahle, ubuthi futhi abantu bakhangwa umbono we-facade. Yize ngisamthanda lo mlisa, kuyacaca impela ukuthi asihloselwe ukuba ndawonye ekubambeni isikhathi eside, kodwa kulungile. Akuyona yonke into ebalulekile futhi eshintsha impilo edinga ukuzibophezela isikhathi eside. Kwesinye isikhathi abantu nezinto beza ezimpilweni zethu ukusifundisa okuthile noma ezimbili bese sihlukana ngezindlela.

Ngalobu budlelwano obudlule, ngifunde izinto eziningi. In iningi labo, ngadlala indima. Noma yisiphi isihloko engisidlalile size nomhlatshelo, wami. Bengihlala ngikholelwa ukuthi ngidinga ukuncela ingxenye yokuthi ngingubani / ukuthi ngithandwe- okuyinto engamanga amakhulu.

Uthando lweqiniso luqala ngokwamukela futhi manje njengoba sengithole lolo hlobo lothando lwami, ngingahlonishwa ukuluhlanganyela nolunye.

Nazi izindima ezi-4 engizenziwe ngidlala ebudlelwaneni:

1. I-'iphelele '.

Kwakuwusuku lwami lweshumi nanhlanu lokuzalwa lapho ubaba angifonela khona ezongitshela ukuthi usendleleni futhi akazange abuye. Akagcinanga lapho kodwa akazange abonakale kodwa angikaze ngimbone. Unqume ukuthi akafuni ukuba yingxenye yomndeni wethu. Lobuhlungu engabufihla iminyaka eminingi ngesimo sokudinga ukupheleliswa ngoba, ngokuzithoba, ngangicabanga ukuthi yisona sizathu esenza ashiye. Ngigcinile imfihlo eyayivela kubangane bami abaseduze ngoba izimpilo zabo zazibonakala zilungile futhi ngesaba ukuthi uma ngiphula isikhunta 'esihle', ngeke ngithandeke kunoma ngubani. Le nkolelo yilokho engabambelela kuyo kuze kube muva nje. Bengikholelwa ukuthi uma ngikhombisa noma ngubani izinyembezi zami noma ngiqaphe imizwa yami yangempela nobuhlungu, bayogijima. Ngokuphikisana nalokho engangikukholelwe, kwenza okuphambene.

Ukudala isikhunta sokuphelela kwengingubani, umuntu okufanele ngibe naye futhi nokuthi kufanele sibukeke kanjani kubo bonke abanye ngamanga. Eyodwa engakufanelekeli ukuyiphila ngoba ngenkathi sakha ama-facade, siyazidela, ubudlelwano nabantu esibathandayo.

2. 'Umfel' ukholo.

Mhlawumbe lokhu kunguphawu lwabantwana abaphakathi noma ukuba ngumntwana wesehlukaniso; kodwa-ke, bengizizwa njalo ngathi yimi umuntu okumele ancike kuye. Le ndlela yokucabanga ukholo yaheha futhi yangena ebudlelwaneni nabantu ababenethezekile ngokulahla umthwalo wabo kimi ngoba ngangizowuthatha. Ngangiyehliswa, ngibe ngiphinda ngiphoxekile, kuze kube yilapho sengishiya noma ngihlukane nomlingani wami.

Bengihlala ngikholelwa ukuthi uthando lweqiniso lusho ukuba ngumsindisi womunye umuntu; kodwa-ke, sengize ngaqonda futhi ngafunda ukuthi yithi kuphela esingazisindisa. Ngiyakwazi ukusekela, ukukhuthaza, ukuthonya kanye nokushiya umbono komunye umuntu. Kepha, uma lowo muntu engafuni ukuguquka, angikwazi ukubaphoqa.

3. I-'ipholile 'eyodwa.

Noma ngingowesifazane impela, bengilokhu ngithambekele emisebenzini eqhutshwa ngabesilisa futhi yokuncintisana. Ngenxa yalokho, ngaba nabangane abaningi besilisa, abaningi babo engangizokugcina bethandana nabo. Ngoba sasingabangani bangaphambili, babezizwa bekhululekile nami. Kwesinye isikhathi, babenethezekile nami ukuthi bangasho izinto ezingafanele kimi ngendlela omunye umuntu wesifazane akhange ngayo futhi nemingcele yethu ivele ibe mfushane ngoba senze abangane abaningi njengabalingani. Ubungani bubalulekile ekubambisaneni; nokho, abalingani nabangane behlukile. Sikhetha abalingani esizophila nabo, ukuthi mhlawumbe sibe nezingane futhi, sikhule sindawonye- lokhu akuvamile ukuba ngomphumela nabangane.

Ukubambisana okunempilo kudinga imingcele futhi sengiqedile ukudlala indima yokuthi ngilungile ngomngcele ophukile noma ngingahloniphi lapho ngingekho. Ukudlala ndawonye nokungakhulumi kuholela kuphela kumunyu nasentukuthelweni phansi.

4. I-'amisa- eyodwa '.

Mhlawumbe kungenxa yokuthi ngiyi-Aquarius kepha ngikholelwa enkululekweni futhi nokuba nomuntu othokozela ukuba kwami, hhayi umuntu engiphoqe ukuba nami. Ngiyavuma ngokuphelele ukuthi ngake ngawela emgomweni wokuthi uthando lunomhawu, luyasho futhi alunamusa lapho umuzwa wami ubuhlale ungitshela ngenye indlela.

Njengabantu besifazane, sikhuliswa ngamazwi anjengokuthi, 'Udinga ukumgcina ehlola', 'Angabuka kepha aqiniseke ukuthi uyazi ukuthi ukuphi ekhaya 'noma,' Uyindoda, uzokopela '. Ukukholelwa lezi zinkulumo kungibangele ubuhlungu obukhulu nokuhlupheka ngoba baqinisekisa ukuthi abesifazane kufanele bazinze okuncane futhi balindele okuncane kubantu besilisa. Angiqiniseki ukuthi kungani ngawakholelwa la mazwi ngoba ngakhuliswa abesifazane abaqinile abakholelwa okuhlukile kulokhu. Ngenkathi ngisebenzisa la mazwi angamanga empilweni yami, ngangihlala ngizisola ngokudela ukuzithemba kwami nobuqotho bami ngoba ngibe nobudlelwano nomuntu engingafanele ngabe ngibe naye ekuqaleni.

Lapho sengithole uthando lwangempela ngami, ngakhipha isidingo sokuba nomunye umuntu. Ikakhulu uma lowo muntu engangihloniphi, amanani ami, isiko lami nalokho engikholelwa kukho.

Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)

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Cher W, (tu vas rendre quelqu'un heureux)



Nous avons essayé et avons donné tout ce que nous pouvions, mais la seule chose qui nous a été révélée, c'est qu'être dans une relation amoureuse n'est pas pour nous.

Merci de m'avoir montré beaucoup de choses: comment aimer avec passion, ne jamais abandonner, être plus aimant, voir les choses sous un angle différent, et cette romance est bien vivante.

Vous ferez un bon partenaire pour quelqu'un. Cependant, je ne suis pas cette personne. Parce que si j’étais, ce ne serait pas si difficile d’être avec toi.

Il a été difficile de comprendre et de comprendre cette notion: comment je peux aimer si profondément quelqu'un que je crois être mon âme soeur, mais nous ne pouvons jamais nous confronter à l'essentiel. C'est pourquoi j'ai passé tant de temps à vous fâcher. Cependant, j'ai abandonné cette colère et vous ai ouvert mon cœur et ma vie en tant que cher ami que vous avez toujours été pour moi.

Que vous souhaitiez être mon ami ou non, c’est votre décision, mais sachez que je n’ai aucune animosité ni colère envers vous, je veux seulement que nous soyons en paix et que nous soyons meilleurs. Cela n’a pas fonctionné les uns avec les autres, alors faisons-le avec les autres. Cependant, vous avez besoin de mon soutien, je suis ici. En tant qu'ami, pas partenaire.

J'ai toujours beaucoup d'amour pour toi et je ne peux pas te reprocher d'être ce que tu es ou de ne pas pouvoir m'aimer de la manière dont je veux être aimé. Parce que le blâme est une perte de temps, d’émotions et d’énergie.

Je suis désolé d’être si énervé et amer à propos de qui vous êtes. Je ne veux pas vous changer ni que vous soyez quelqu'un d'autre que vous. Vous méritez un excellent partenaire qui vous aime tel que vous êtes et moi aussi.

Je t'aime,

Hali.

Forgive him

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Why do I want to forgive him?

 Because it is not healthy to hold onto anger. I want to forgive him because I am tired of questioning why he hasn't responded or put forward actions, instead of merely talking. I want to forgive him because I am tired of feeling rejected and he doesn't have as much power in my life as I have previously given him. 

I want to forgive him because he is not a bad person- merely human and, just like I, he has issues. I want to forgive him because it is the best way to move forward from this. I want to forgive him because I cannot force him to change, I cannot re-write the past and I don't want to. I learnt so much about life and loving, which is even more reason for me to forgive as I am grateful and pleased with the outcome.

I want to forgive him because my next chapter is too promising to be ruined by feelings of bitterness, worry and uncertainty. I want to forgive him because I am certain that I deserve a love that is not heavily burdened by insecurities; that reassures us when we are not sure. 

I want to forgive him because I cannot force the truth. It is not forced or jaded. I want to forgive him because he has served his purpose in my life, it may not have been how I wanted it but I am here. I am here to forgive because there is nothing more beneficial.